Time Changes
by Kizmet
Summary: Magic gone awry and injuries leave the Scoobies dealing with less familiar versions of Angel not Angelus either.
1. Past Confidences

**Past Confidences**

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

"It was supposed to be more fun from this side," Xander thought as the green scaled demon charged toward him, murder in its eyes. 

"I'm free!" Buffy's ex-soldier boyfriend Riley yelled waving his arm dementedly. 

With a sigh of relief Xander tossed him the softly glowing bauble and watched the lizard-like demon turn away to chase after its toy. 

Xander had always assumed his dislike of keep-away stemmed from the fact that he usually played it with a bunch of high school jocks for possession of his backpack. The jocks had always looked like they were having a good time, but then they had never chosen a nine-foot tall, flesh eating lizard-demon as their victim either. Also the fate of the world had never depended on them keeping a magical what's-it away from the fiend until Giles, Willow and Tara completed their spell, which would render the creature vulnerable to Buffy's stake. Until then all they could do was keep the demon from getting his claws on the glowing charm so that he couldn't complete his own spell. 

Xander watched as Riley tossed the bauble to Buffy upon being cornered. Buffy danced back, dodging the demon's claws, while taunting it for being too slow. Energetic and graceful, Buffy looked like she lived for just these moments. 

Xander angled around trying to give Buffy a clear shot, should the demon appear to be getting too close. Behind him he could hear Giles and the two wiccas chanting. 

Buffy somersaulted over the demon. "Showing off," Xander thought to himself, then his heart froze as Buffy landed her feet skidding out from under her on the wet grass. Still the Slayer retained the presence of mind to throw the charm toward Xander even as she fell. 

The throw was wild and Xander found himself back peddling, hand out stretched to capture the glowing object. 

"Xander, No!" Willow yelled a second before his foot came down on the design she and Tara had painstakingly carved into the ground. 

"I got it!" Xander cheered triumphantly as the charm fell into his hand at the exact moment that his foot hit the ground. Xander felt a charge pass through his body as the magic from the amulet and that of Willow's spell raced toward one another through the conduit he had created, interacting wildly as they met. 

Xander gasped as the tingling spread through him. In a blink of the eye Sunnydale was gone, replaced by a cold dreary city. Xander shivered, a chill wind cutting through his light clothing as dozens of people dressed in old fashion cloths paused to stare at him. 

"I don't think we're in Kansas any more," Xander muttered, shivering. 

Xander hurried into an alleyway, hoping to escape all the staring eyes and people who, just by their style of dress, told him how far from home he actually was. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"He… he just disappeared," Willow cried. 

"We should hope for the best," Giles said soothingly. "We don't know that the spell harmed Xander in any way. We mustn't panic, magical interactions are frequently difficult to predict, we need to ascertain exactly what the spell did." 

"Lizard-boy is headed for the hills," Buffy exclaimed, jogging back to the little group, Riley followed, panting. "Did you get Xander back?" 

"No," Anya said. "He just talks about not panicking, I think now is an excellent time for panic. I want my boyfriend back!" 

"And so do we," Giles said. "But panic won't help Xander." 

"I kn...kn...know a tracking s…spell," Tara stammered. "B…but I need other spell components." 

"An excellent idea," Giles said. "Thank you Tara, that would be most helpful." 

______________________________________________________________ 

Xander had been wandering about the city, Chicago according to the newspaper he'd found, for hours. He was cold and alone and he couldn't even begin to think of how to get home. 

Oh he could probably get back to Sunnydale if he really worked at it, but what good would it do him. Even if he got back it would still be 1920 and Sunnydale wouldn't be home for another sixty years or so. 

No one he knew was even born yet. Well his grandparents were, but they wouldn't know him or be able to help. 

Xander sighed forlornly and sank to the ground, drawing his knees to his chest, a picture of dejection and misery. He sat there watching night fall. 

Vacantly Xander watched a few people walk past, most looked as bad as he felt, this wasn't a good part of town. 

The sound of raised voices drew Xander's attention to two men standing at the mouth of the alley. 

"Angie, let me help you," the first man demanded. He was a hulking individual with a full beard and shaggy ash blond hair. His clothing was rough but well made and looked warm to the boy shivering in the alley. 

"Why won't you leave me alone?" the second man asked, to Xander's shock he looked familiar. Looking more closely Xander noted the man wore what looked like a WWI uniform with a medic's patch sewn on the arm of his bulky wool coat. The uniform looked ragged, as did the man's dark hair. 

"I can't," the first man replied. "I owe you my life, I can't let you live like this." 

"You repaid that debt when you got me passage on that ship," the oddly familiar individual said, his voice was soft and so distinctive. Xander felt his mouth drop open in shocked recognition. 

"Angie, getting you to America was no favor as far as I can see," the other man said. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"I have the spruce bark," Willow declared hurrying into Giles' living room. 

"All that's left is the personal item," Giles said. "Which Anya is retrieving." 

"I h…hope this works," Tara said, only to be interrupted by the strident ringing of the telephone. 

"Yes?" Giles answered. 

"Giles, it's Angel. Xander disappeared due to a spell gone wrong tonight, correct?" Angel said. 

"Yes, how did you know?" Giles asked. "Is he in LA? Is he alright?" 

"He's in Chicago," Angel answered. "He's fine, a little shook-up, but uninjured. He should be back in thirty-three days, he'll show-up around 11:30 at night in the same spot he disappeared from if we did everything right." 

"What? How? Wouldn't it be safer if we just wired him money for an airline ticket?" Giles asked. 

Angel sighed, "He isn't there now, he was there about eight decades ago, right after World War I ended. I met him there… then. And if we did everything right I should have sent him back to this time, but not for another thirty-three days." 

______________________________________________________________ 

Xander continued to stare in shock as the two men concluded their argument and parted ways. 

As the dark haired man faded into the shadows Xander scrambled to his feet, unwilling to loose the only tie to home in this unfamiliar place. He ran after the other man, just catching sight of him as he rounded a corner, disappearing into another alleyway. 

"Angel!" Xander yelled running after him. "Wait up!" 

The dark haired vampire paused, frowning at the disheveled twenty-year-old in confusion, then turned and continued on his way. 

Xander fell into step beside the vampire. "Angel… boy am I glad to see you! Bet you never thought you'd hear me say that, huh?" 

Angel's confused gaze found the younger man again. "What?" he asked. 

"Well, maybe not, cause you don't know me, do you?" Xander continued less exuberantly. "Yet anyway. Cause you're not you yet… you're past you. This time's you. So maybe you've been waiting for me to be glad to see you ever since I met you. Or maybe not, I mean this is a long time ago, maybe you forgot helping me now by the time we met in Sunnydale, cause you never mentioned it or anything. But you will, won't you? Help me I mean. Helping people is kinda your thing, what with the soul and all. You do have your soul right? Well you haven't killed anybody, so I'll take that as a yes," Xander chattered nervously. Angel simply kept walking. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Xander curled up in the small patch of sunlight invading Angel's lair, an abandoned building along the riverfront. The thin, winter sun didn't provide much heat, but he'd take what he could get. Chicago was cold! Especially to the California born young man. 

Xander knew Angel was sleeping somewhere deeper in the building. When evening approached he'd seek out the vampire for another fun filled night of following Angel's aimless wanderings around the city while wondering if it might be more useful to talk to the cold brick walls, which loomed over them. For the last week, Xander had tried, with a frustrating lack of success to enlist the souled vampire's help in returning to his own time. Mostly, Xander couldn't even be sure that the vampire was listening to him, and when Angel did respond his questions were repetitive and certainly not the sort of things that were going to help Xander resolve this mess. He mostly seemed to want Xander to go away. Actually Xander was surprised Angel hadn't managed to ditch him yet. Still this person was a far cry from the Angel Xander knew in his own time, not nearly so self-assured or confident. "And a lot less irritating," Xander thought. At least this Angel didn't make him feel inferior. Still the future Angel would have been a lot more help Xander had to admit. 

______________________________________________________________ 

The man Xander had seen talking to Angel the first night confronted them again that evening as they left Angel's lair. 

He dismissed Xander with a glance, placing himself solidly in Angel's path. "Angie, I could get you work if you'll come with me," He said. "This isn't a handout, just one friend helping another." 

"Donnely…" Angel said after a pause, to Xander it looked like he hadn't remember the other man's name for a few moments despite the fact that they obviously knew one another. "Please Angelus," Donnely continued. "I brought you here, you have to let me make sure you'll be alright. I know how hard it can be for a new immigrant, especially when you don't have family here. My grandparents came over from Ireland themselves, they told me what it was like at first. I owe you this Angelus, remember?" 

"You already helped," Angel replied slowly. "You brought me here." 

"To starve or freeze if you aren't careful," Donnely argued. "That isn't the way of a friend." 

"It's better here," Angel said. "Fewer memories, it's easier to survive here, I don't need anymore help." 

"All right Angie," Donnely conceded with sad eyes. "I'll leave you be, for now anyways." 

______________________________________________________________ 

As he walked through the alleyways of Chicago Angel's attention was captured by the quick patter of a small animal's heartbeat. Listening carefully Angel zeroed in on the largish rat scurrying along the wall of the alley. It had been over a week since he'd been able to feed, thanks to the presence of the boy following him. Angel couldn't continue this way, if he didn't feed soon the demon would force him take nourishment. If that happened, if he lost his control, even momentarily, the boy or some other unfortunate mortal would most likely die. Angel made the only decision possible and pounced on the rodent, ripping open with a suddenly fang-filled mouth. 

"Eeeew gross!" Xander exclaimed. "That is utterly, completely disgusting. Buffy let you kiss her after doing that?!" 

The vampire ignored Xander, biting the rodent again, fighting to extract every last drop of blood from its small carcass. 

"Uggh," Xander wretched, watching in horrified fascination as Angel meticulously licked the blood from his fingers, dropping the drained rat to the ground. "How can you stand to do that?" Xander continued. "Rats carry diseases, even I know that." 

Angel stared at the younger man, still confused but seemingly more focused. "Do I know you?" He asked. 

______________________________________________________________ 

It was raining, Xander noticed miserably. Ever since he arrived in this God-forsaken time he'd been cold, now he'd be wet as well. 

Miserably he trailed after the souled vampire. He was reasonably certain Angel wasn't going to help him, but he couldn't bring himself to risk being unable to find Angel again should he leave the vampire behind to seek other help. Angel wasn't even himself, let alone a friend, but he was familiar and Xander clung to that desperately. 

The cold rain penetrated Xander's thin shirt in seconds leaving him shaking uncontrollably, stumbling after the unaffected vampire. 

Angel watched the boy huddle in the inadequate shelter of a doorway for several moments, confused by the antics of his normally noisy shadow of the last week or so. Everything the boy did and said confused him when Angel could spare the energy to notice the boy, but this time a buried memory told him that he should recognize this particular reaction and that it was something he should attend to. 

"You're cold?" Angel asked. 

Xander simply glared at him. Angel couldn't remember being cold himself, but in the war the doctors had told him he had to keep the men he brought to them warm if he wanted to save them. 

"We'll go back," Angel said offering Xander his heavy wool coat. 

Xander hurriedly donned the coat, starting back toward the lair, shooting quick confused glances at Angel. This was the first time the vampire had noticed him in a non-why-are-you-still-here way. The first time Angel had show anything resembling concern for his well-being. Xander hadn't even been able to get food in their nightly wanderings, instead he'd been forced to slip out during the day-light hours, when he could be certain that the vampire wouldn't leave, to buy food. 

Xander loved how far his modern month's wages could be stretched in this pre-inflation era, but never once had Angel concerned himself about Xander's plight. Xander took this new concern as a sign that Angel's care-for-not attitude was giving way to something more helpful. 

As they walked Xander's glances at the vampire grew longer, hopefulness giving way to a stunned realization. 

Xander clearly remembered the first word he'd used to describe Buffy's weird, older, cryptic guy: buff. Over the intervening years he'd added other descriptions: evil and vampire being his favorites, but to his annoyance, buff had continued to apply as well. 

Strangely enough it was that word that caused him to dislike Angel the most. When Buffy had first described Angel to him and Willow she had used words like annoying and older, Xander had assumed she meant Giles-older, not college guy-older. One glimpse of Angel had changed Xander's perception of him from a non-entity to competition, unfair competition at that. Angel was tall, muscular, handsome with a dangerous edge, enough older to be experienced but not too much older. At least not in appearance, the whole centuries old vampire thing didn't come up until a few months after that first sighting and by then Xander already disliked him. 

A part of Xander was still certain that it had been Angel's presence that had kept Buffy from ever seeing him as more than a friend. 

But now, without the coat's bulk, Xander could see that buff certainly didn't describe this Angel. Gaunt came closer to accurate, but still didn't quite capture the whole picture. 

The rain had plastered Angel's shirt to his thin frame, and Xander could see his ribs through the material as well as the harsh angles of his shoulder blades. Xander found himself remembering the desperate intensity Angel threw into feeding with a shiver. The word he didn't want to think of was rising inescapably through his thoughts. 

Angel was starving. It even explained his confused mental state and inability to focus. For the last two weeks he'd been living with a starving vampire Xander realized with a shutter. 

"Why aren't you eating more?" Xander asked. 

"I feed when I can," Angel answered defensively. 

"Yeah disgusting little rats when you manage to catch them. How much blood is in a rat any way?" 

"Would you rather I took humans?" Angel asked. 

"Hell no!" Xander exclaimed. "I just don't like the idea of spending so much time with a hungry vampire." 

"I never asked you to hang around," Angel said. 

"When I knew you, you usually used butcher shops," Xander commented. 

"I know you?" Angel asked. 

"I'm going to the butcher," Xander said. "I've explained this a hundred times. I'm not trying again until you've fed well enough to understand." 

"After the rain," Angel said. "It's not good for humans to be wet and cold. I lost a lot of patients because of that." 

"You were a doctor, right," Xander said sarcastically. 

Angel tugged on the sleeve of the coat Xander now wore, drawing attention to the patch on the sleeve. "A medic, not a doctor. I wanted to help. There were so many dying, and the gas and bullets didn't really bother me. I started taking the injured back to their people. I couldn't stand to listen to their screams and do nothing. The screams brought back too many memories." 

Xander sighed with relief as they entered the abandon building they'd been calling home. "Why didn't you just go somewhere else?" he asked curiously. 

"Where? It was a world war. All of Europe was in flames and people were suspicious of any one strange. I didn't want to hurt anyone," Angel looked at the ground as he added. "And it was easy to feed." 

"What!" Xander yelped. "I thought you didn't kill." 

"I didn't have to, the battle fields were littered with the freshly dead," Angel explained. "But I couldn't ignore the injured. They thought I was death come for them, some begged me to end their pain, others screamed and shot at me to keep me away." As he talked Angel's eyes took on a far away look. 

"I started bringing them back to their own people. After awhile the doctors taught me how to help. They gave me supplies and told me how to tend the common injuries. I wasn't afraid to wander out on the battlefields between the trenches, I had to feed and bullets can't kill my kind, they hurt like hell though. At least the gas couldn't affect me, I don't breathe. I saw the others though, the mortals coughing up pieces of their lungs, it was a horrible way to die. Them I killed, it was the only kindness I could offer them." 

"After several months they all knew me, how bullets couldn't kill me, how I didn't care which side a person was on, I just took them home." 

"I told a few of the ones I spent the day with my name. Pretty soon they all called me their Angel. The ones that want me to save them, they always call me Angel, even Dru. But she called me her dark Angel, her fallen Angel, and I never understood what she wanted saving from." 

Xander stared, he'd never heard Angel use so many words in the whole four years he'd know the vampire, let alone at one time. Angel's voice was soft and distant, almost as if he were talking to himself, unaware of his audience but occasionally he'd glance at Xander. 

When he noticed Xander was still shivering, he collected bits of broken wood and started a fire. Xander sighed at the warmth and settled closer to the fire until his tennis shoes were in danger of being scorched. 

Angel sat back from the fire, cautious of the flames, but smiling happily at Xander's obvious enjoyment of the warmth. Together they watched the flames and the rain and Xander listened as Angel talked about the last twenty years since the gypsy had given him his soul back. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Ta-da!" Xander announced, presenting Angel with a bottle of pigs blood from a local butcher shop. 

The scent of so much blood caused the souled vampire to loose control of his features, shifting from human to demon in a heartbeat. He snatched the bottle from Xander's hand, draining it in a gulp. 

"Wow," Xander said. "It never occurred to me how useful not breathing would be in a chugging contest till just now." 

He handed Angel a second bottle, watching in amazement as Angel went through it as quickly as he had the first. 

"Much less gross than rats," Xander commented. "Yet another thing I never thought I'd be saying. Me, comparing chugging a bottle of blood to something and finding the something to have a greater ick factor." 

The third bottle went more slowly and Xander could almost see Angel's mind slowly entering the here and now. 

"You said you know me, but not yet?" Angel asked finally processing some of Xander's ramblings. 

"Yes!" Xander exclaimed. "Progress! I'm from the future, we know each other then, not now, cause I haven't been born yet." 

"But you're here?" 

"Spell, two spells actually, they went screwy and here I am. I was hoping you could figure out a way to get me home, cause you know more about magic and, hey, you're here. You're the only one I know here. Well, okay, Spike's around somewhere, and I did let him stay with me so he owes me, but he's an evil bloodsucking fiend so I doubt he'd help. Now you're a bloodsucking fiend, technically, but you're a friend." 

"We're friends?" Angel asked his voice strained with an emotion Xander could identify. 

"Well, a friend of a friend anyway," Xander continued. 

"Oh," Angel's voice fell, and Xander did recognize disappointment. 

"Well, um, we've um, we had a bad start, liking the same girl and all. We're much closer now," Xander stammered. He wasn't sure if he felt guilty for lying or for needing to lie. 

"I don't hate Angel… Just the guts part." Xander had said it just four months ago, and now Angel was his only hope. 

And well, he didn't exactly hate this Angel. Here and now there was no Buffy, no one to loose to Angel, no one for Angel to loose his soul to. No reason for jealous, no reason for fear, and no one else to turn to… for anything. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Donnely stood awkwardly in the doorway to Angel's lair. 

"Go home, Lt. Donnely," Angel said. "Your debt to me is more than paid." 

"Angie, please, it's not just a debt. We were friends, remember? If you'd just carried me back to my line, that'd be a debt, but you didn't. You came back, talked to me for while I healed, didn't let me feel alone." 

"Did it ever occur to you that I was as lonely as you were?" 

"Why isn't important, just that you did. And friendship is supposed to cure loneliness in more than one person." 

"I'm not your friend," Angel said softly. "I'm not your hero." 

"Why do you hate yourself so much Angie?" Donnely asked sadly. 

"Because I'm a monster," Angel said, his demon face emerging with a startling rapidity. Donnely's eyes widened and his mouth fell open as he backed away from Angel. "This is what I am," Angel growled. "I was out on there to feed from your dead. Saving you was just an afterthought." 

"Angie?" Donnely's voice wavered with uncertainty. 

"GO HOME! I'm nothing deserving of you concern," Angel ordered. 

Xander watched as Donnely slowly retreated from the lair. From his perch in the window Xander saw the big man pause at the corner and look back toward the lair, only sadness was reflected in his face. 

"You know for someone who was so happy to have me as a friend you sure were determined to get rid of that guy," Xander said. 

"Donnely thinks he's responsible for me," Angel said. "After the War I got him to smuggle me aboard one of the returning ships. I wasn't actually an American soldier, the uniform was just something the doctors gave me after bullet holes left my clothing practically un-wearable. Donnely pulled a few strings and got people to look the other way for me. It wasn't hard, like I said people there knew me, a lot felt they owed me something. Donnely works on the docks, he spotted me on the way home from unloading a late shipment just before you showed up. He doesn't know what I am, he thinks I can be helped. He thinks it's his fault I live like I do. Because of that he tracks me down once a week or so to try to save me. I should have moved on to another town, but I like that he cares, even if it's just for an illusion." 

"You know what I am and you still called me a friend. Donnely's friend exists only in his mind. His Angie is an Irish medic he met in the trenches scaring France. Donnely has never even heard of a vampire outside of his parent's tales. It would never occur to him that I might be the truth behind those legends. It would surprise me if I were the exact vampire his parents stories were about. I spent my first decade as a vampire in Ireland. During those years I was eager to prove how horrific a monster I could be. How could Donnely call the creature behind those stories a friend?" 

Xander squirmed uncomfortably. "Maybe you should give him the chance. There are people who know and still think of you as a friend." 

"Like you." 

"Yeah," Xander sighed. "Like me." 

An awkward silence settled over the pair. 

"Hey Angel," Xander said with a forced cheerfulness. "What were your parents thinking when they named you, all your nick-names are girly." 

"My parents named me Liam," Angel replied. 

"And yet you keep introducing yourself as Angelus or Angel." 

"It's the name I took upon becoming a vampire," Angel explained. 

"Okay, not seeing it. You're a vampire set on gaining a reputation and you name yourself after a symbol of goodness?" Xander said. 

"My sister named me," Angel whispered. 

"Still not understanding." 

"I'd died," Angel explained, his voice almost inaudible. "When I came back Kathy thought… Even after what I'd already done she couldn't imagine that I could be evil… She invited me in…" 

Xander just sat there, shocked that Angel, Angel who hadn't even explained what Spike meant by calling him Sire, would tell him this. "He thinks you're his friend," Xander reminded himself viciously. 

"She called me an angel and invited me in…" Angel continued brokenly. "And I killed them all… The name appealed to my sense of irony, so I kept it… Now what else would I call myself? Whatever else Liam might have been, he wasn't a demon, nor a murder. That name died with my humanity, I'll not resurrect it now." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"So that's the whole story," Xander said. "Will you help me get back?" 

Angel stared at the younger man and Xander couldn't help but note how much more he looked like the Angel he was used to now. Okay, he was still dressed in an authentic WWI uniform, that had seen battle and looked more than half-starved but the eyes had changed. Four days ago Angel's eyes had a vague, lost look to them, now that he had fed the dark eyes were clear, filled with the vampire's ever present guilt, but also with intelligence and even purpose. 

"I haven't done magic in years, not since before the curse, and the type of magic you're talking about… time travel isn't for playing around with," Angel said. 

"But you'll help?" Xander could hear the desperation in his voice and hated it. 

"I'll help," Angel promised. "You're my friend after all." 

Xander felt a lead weight fill his stomach, every time he heard the warmth, the need, in Angel's voice when he said that word Xander felt like scum, like he was taking advantage of Angel's loneliness and his self-hatred, of his ignorance. Xander wondered if Sunnydale would be the same when he returned, if he returned, or if his actions in the past would have done something "Back to the Future"-ish. 

Hopefully something like the first movie, not the second. "Maybe I should tell Angel about the curse breaking," Xander thought for the hundredth time. "And maybe telling would really screw-up something." How did he know what changes would hurt or help. Maybe if he told Angel, there would come a time somewhere in the next eighty years that he would become so miserable he'd purposely break the curse just to escape, or maybe Angel would just decide not to come to Sunnydale at all. 

Then the curse wouldn't break and Jenny Calender would still be alive. But who would warn Buffy about the Harvest, who would come to the school one night with a book of prophesies, showing up just in time to prevent Willow, Giles and himself from suffocating. Who would lead him to the Master's lair so he could give Buffy CPR, and save her life? Would Jenny's life even been saved, or would she have simply died two months earlier when Eyghon had possessed her? 

Would Jenny have even come to Sunnydale without Angel? She had been there to watch him. Without Jenny's Techno-Pagan expertise how would they defeat Morloch? Without Jenny's influence Willow would never have become a witch. They wouldn't have been able to destroy Adam without Willow's witchy powers, or save Buffy from Lowell House. 

The more Xander thought about it the more complicated everything became. Everything was tied together, both the good and the bad. Cut the wrong string and it would all fall apart, assuming it hadn't already. 

Even the most innocent of acts could prove devastating… and yet not acting, not taking the chance to make things better, but would it be better? Was this the first or second "Back to the Future", or was it more like that Star Trek episode Jesse had liked so much? The one where McCoy saves the nice lady's life and the Nazis end up winning the Second World War. One little change that ends up having a completely unpredictable ripple effect. Maybe one of those random people Angelus had killed would have gone on to be another Hitler. What if Spike and Dru had stayed together and become the "Very dark power," Kendra's watcher had predicted. 

The what-if list stretched into infinity and so Xander said nothing. He just wanted to go home, he didn't want the responsibility for maintaining or improving eight decades of history. 

Saying nothing was easiest, procrastination wasn't a decision, wasn't taking responsibility. He could tell Angel later, or not, when he was more sure. But once it was said it couldn't ever be unsaid. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Two days later Xander still hadn't resolved the issue of what to say to Angel about his curse, nor were they any closer to finding a resolution to his problem. 

Today they were at a library, not a public one, it was an occult library. The curator thought they were demon hunters, like himself. Angel had said the man was an operative of the Watchers council, his duty was to be on the look out for any references that might help the Slayer. 

Xander had volunteered to come here alone, he doubted that a Watcher type would appreciate a vampire using his books, even if it was for a good cause and Xander didn't want to place Angel in danger. 

Unfortunately Xander didn't read Latin, Angel did, and Latin wasn't only the language of the Church it was also the one most spell casters worked in. 

So Angel came, to help a friend who wasn't really, and outside Donnely waited for them. 

He'd been standing outside of the lair when they left that night. He looked like he wanted to talk, but didn't know how to approach Angel anymore. So he waited, stood there watching Angel, willing the souled-vampire to give him the opening he needed. 

Xander could see that Donnely still wanted to be a friend to Angel, a real friend, not just someone like Xander who needed him. 

Every time he saw the other man Xander felt like a fraud. 

"I think I found something," Angel said. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"So why are we all trailing back to Sunnydale?" Cordelia whined. 

"I cast the spell," Angel said. "If anything goes wrong they'll need me to figure out what happened." 

"Yes, time travel magic is notoriously tricky," Wesley commented. 

"We had a way around that," Angel said. "The spell wasn't technically a time travel spell, it was more of a put things to right spell. Xander didn't belong in that time. We believed that the spell would return him to his proper time." 

"Hence the delay in his return," Wesley said. "It took you roughly a month to find the spell, Xander is now a month older, so he no longer belonged in the time he departed from either." 

"Exactly." 

"So why do we have to come?" Cordelia asked. 

"Would you believe me if I said moral support?" Angel asked. 

"Buffy and her new boyfriend?" Cordelia asked sympathetically. 

"Surely she wouldn't invite him along knowing Angel will be present?" Wesley said. 

"It's not Buffy, it's Xander," Angel said. 

"What?" Cordelia demanded. 

"It took you a month to find the spell," Wesley speculated. "Something happened during that time, something you're not comfortable with Xander knowing." 

"Something like that," Angel replied. "I was different then, I needed someone to talk to, Xander was there. I told him things about myself that not even Buffy knows. Xander is the last person I would have chosen to confide in, he hates me." 

"And I took his advice about some things, made human friends, lived like a human, and watched everyone I cared about die. I swore I'd never get involved with mortals again, obviously I didn't hold to that. You know I got involved in the fifties, with Judy and the people at the Hyperion Hotel. They hung me, after that I dropped back out of society. That time I was determined that I'd never even talk to another human. Then I saw Buffy." 

"I don't understand," Cordelia said. "Are you worried Xander's going to use what you told him back then to hurt you or something? Or are you mad he got you involved with humanity and you got burned a few times? If it's the second, well it seems stupid to be mad now, you would have gotten involved anyway, with Buffy at least." 

"I don't know," Angel admitted. "Until I saw the date, I'd all but forgotten the whole thing, it was so long ago and I'd given up on the future he told me about. Now it's all I can think about. A little bit of both I guess. I'm worried, I let Xander get past my defenses, I trusted him, he wishes I were dust. He used me then, to get back. He lied to me to make me help him, but I shouldn't blame him for that. He didn't have many options." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"I won't be back for a month?" Xander exclaimed. "Everyone is going to be frantic." 

"I'll tell them what's going on," Angel said. 

"You'll remember all this?" Xander asked. 

"Why wouldn't I?" 

"No, it's just weird, you'll know me before I ever met you. It'll change everything," Xander said. 

"I don't think it will. I mean this already happened then, didn't it?" Angel asked. 

"No, you couldn't have known this when we first met," Xander argued. "We… you'll just have to see." 

"Let's cast the spell," Angel said. 

______________________________________________________________ 

The park again, the place were it started a month ago, but with more players and no demon, well at least no hostile demon. The tension should have been less. 

Wesley stuttered his way through the small talk. Cordelia glared at her former classmates and their new friends. Riley hovered possessively over Buffy. Anya glowered at Cordelia. 

"When will the spell take effect?" Giles asked, yet again. 

"Approximately 11:30," Angel answered. 

"It's 11:45," Anya said accusingly. 

"Xander wasn't wearing a watch the night he got sent back, we didn't have a precise time to start our calculations from," Angel explained. 

"You said 11:30," Anya reiterated. "I want my boyfriend back. Now." 

"Possessive much?" Cordelia asked innocently. 

"Why is she here?" Anya demanded. "Xander is my boyfriend, not hers." 

"Like I would take him back if he came to me on his knees?" Cordelia said rolling her eyes. 

"Well you haven't gotten another," Anya pointed out. 

"I don't need a boyfriend," Cordelia said sharply. "After Xander, I learned to be more selective." 

"Xander is a good boyfriend," Anya snapped. 

"Remember why you came here in the first place, demon-girl?" Cordelia snarled. 

"Enough!" Giles exclaimed. "Angel it really is getting quite late, perhaps we should begin going over your spell." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Ready?" Angel asked. 

"Good to go," Xander replied, stepping into the circle Angel had lain out on the floor. 

Angel closed the circle behind Xander, lighting the last of the candles they'd scrounged. 

Walking around the circle chanting softly in Latin, Angel dropped pinches of herbs into the candle's flames. Slowly a haze of sweet smelling smoke filled the air, the smoke stayed in a ring at the edge of the circle, swirling and obscuring the air between Xander and Angel. 

"You ought to sell this to restaurants," Xander commented nervously. "It would be great for the whole smoking/non-smoking issue." 

Angel tossed the last portion of herbs into the candle directly in front of Xander offering the younger man a confused look. "Let the magic ties be unbound," he commanded in English, completely the first part of the spell. Now Xander's ties to this time were cut, all that remained was to send him back. 

Xander felt odd, ghost like and drifting. He watched as Angel retrieved the components for the second part of the spell. 

"Goodbye," Angel said sadly. 

"Take care of yourself," Xander replied. 

"It's good to know that I'll find friends eventually," Angel said. "Eighty years though, it's a long time to wait, even for one of my kind." 

"Let Donnely be your friend," Xander advised. 

"Why would he want to?" 

"Ask him, not me." 

"Maybe." Angel resumed the Latin chanting. Xander could feel something tugging him away. 

"Wait!" Xander yelled. 

Angel's look said it all, there could be no waiting now, the spell had to be completed. 

"It's about your curse," Xander said hurriedly, just as the spell took him. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Angel, did you take time zones into account?" Willow asked. 

"It couldn't be that simple," Giles said. 

"Time zones?" Angel said hesitantly. "As in it's not 11:30 in Chicago yet?" 

"Um-hum," Willow replied. 

"Actually it is now," Tara said. 

"We've got to get back to the park," Willow exclaimed. 

"You know, I was expecting a better welcome," Xander commented walking through Giles' front door. 

Anya jumped up from the couch, twining her arms around Xander's neck and kissing him firmly. 

"Better," Xander said with a grin when they came up for air. 

"You need to shave," Anya commented. "Your face scratches." 

"Not to mention taking a shower," Cordelia said. "I can smell you from here." 

"Same old Cordy," Xander said. 

"Is it a sign of the apocalypse if I agree with Cordelia?" Willow asked, pulling back from a quick hug. "I'm so glad you're safe." 

Buffy laughed, grinning madly, it was good to have her whole group back and safe. "And the coat, Xander did you get that from the Salvation Army?" 

"Ask Deadboy," Xander said, getting into the spirit of the good natured teasing, but wanting to spread it around a bit. 

"Xander," Angel said gravely. 

"You let them know I was okay?" Xander asked. 

"Yeah, I remembered," Angel said. "You know Harris, you're a lot nicer when you need something." 

Xander winced, "I guess I am. I'm sorry." 

"What for?" Angel asked, gathering Cordelia and Wesley with a glance, then heading for the door. 

"I really am, Angel." 

Angel opened the door. 

"Liam! Listen to me, please," Xander said. 

Angel froze at the sound of his human name. "Never use the name," he said icily. "In fact forget everything I told you, I didn't know who I was talking to back then." 

"I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I was a jerk here. I'm sorry I didn't warn you about the curse. What do you want?" Xander exclaimed. 

Angel walked out into the night without replying. 

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	2. Reflections on Recent History

**Reflections on Recent History**

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

"Okay," Cordelia said as she, Angel and Wesley drove back to LA "That was stupid, but I'm your friend Angel not theirs. So I didn't say in front of them. Now, however, I'm saying it: Why, exactly did we go storming out on there in such a god-awful hurry? Cause if it were Xander, well maybe you couldn't tell, but I dated him and I can tell you that that was a sincere apology." 

"I don't want to talk about it," Angel said shortly. He didn't want to think about it either, but he had less choice in that matter. 

He'd lied when he told Cordelia and Wesley he'd forgotten Xander before he even came to Sunnydale. True he hadn't thought of his time lost friend in years but when Buffy had asked him if he knew what it was like to have a friend before descending into the tunnels beneath Sunnydale he had remembered. 

The months that had followed had confirmed his initial realization that now was the time. Xander hadn't told Angel his name when they had met in Chicago and Angel had been too embarrassed to admit that he didn't know the name of the best friend he'd ever had so he hadn't asked. Xander had told him that they would both be in love with the same girl though and that confirmed the time. Angel had known within a month of meeting Buffy in Sunnydale that she was the girl Xander had mentioned. She had to be because Angel knew that he would never want anyone but her until he was reduced to dust. 

Despite that he'd only come to her when he needed to warn her of a new danger. Angel was certain that given the choice between himself and a human Buffy would choose the human. So he stayed away and waited for her to fall in love with the friend he would eventually make. After that happened Angel had figured it would be okay to become friends with her as well and that way he could avoid the initial problems that had occurred between himself and his friend. 

It made sense to Angel, from his point of view there was no way Buffy could possibly love him so why should he create additional heartache for himself by trying to win her especially when he would be sewing the seeds of future awkwardness at the same time. He would love Buffy forever, but there was reason she had to know that. 

And then in just a matter of minutes he would learn that Buffy loved him and she would learn that he was a vampire. When the dust settled they had agreed that there could be nothing between them, he was a vampire, she was the Slayer. Angel had had to content himself with the knowledge that Buffy wanted thing to have been different, it was more than he had expected. 

After that he'd avoided Buffy more rigorously than ever, even going as far as to deliver his warning to Giles rather than Buffy. Seeing her, knowing that even though she loved him it wasn't enough was simply too painful to be endured. 

Then came the Cordex and the prophecy of Buffy's death. Angel had been sure that Buffy wouldn't die, she couldn't. The future he'd been told of hadn't happened yet; there had been no one else who'd been in love with Buffy. Then Xander came to his apartment that night. 

Angel had known Xander loved her the instant he'd seen him at the door. For the first time it had occurred to him that it was possible that the rivalry he had been told of hadn't ended when Buffy had inevitably chosen Xander over him, but when she had died. In that second of realization he'd been angrier with Xander than he'd ever been before in his life. All he could think of was that Xander could have given him eighty years to prepare for this day and had the nerve to storm into his home now and demand his help. 

Angel had been too angry to even consider that the boy who stood before him had no way of knowing what he could have done to stop this day. 

Then Xander had pulled out a cross and waved it in Angel's face. "I don't like you," Xander had said. "At the end of the day I pretty much think you're a vampire. But Buffy's got this big ole yen for you. She thinks you're a real person, and right now I need you to prove her right." 

Angel had had two earth shattering revelations during Xander's little tirade. The first was that his friend, the one he had been waiting for, had never existed. Just like he'd feared Donnely would, Xander looked at him and saw only a vampire. They had never been and never would be friends. The second was that it didn't matter. Buffy more than fulfilled every hope Xander had held out to him in Chicago. And he could still save her, or if not he could die with her. 

Xander had accused Angel of looking at his neck on their trek to the Master's lair. Xander had been right. Fresh human blood was strengthening to a vampire. Angel had actually considered whether the boy would be more useful in a confrontation with the Master as an ally or as a meal. Fortunately he'd chosen ally, for when they got to the lair Buffy had been dead, drowned and in urgent need of CPR. Angel had said he couldn't do it because he lacked breath. If Xander had thought about that statement for five seconds he would have seen it for the lie that it was, or at least Willow would have. It was possible that Xander didn't know that if Angel had truly been incapable of moving air in and out of his lungs, past his vocal cords, he wouldn't have been able to make that statement or any other. Still it had been faster to say that then to explain the real reason. 

The real reason being that Angel had been in a panic since he'd seen Buffy lying face down in that pool. Hard experience had taught Angel that at times like this he would almost inevitably do more harm than good to any human he touched. He wanted her to be better too much to trust himself, if he didn't pop the delicate tissues in her lungs by trying to force too much air into them then he would shatter her ribs and drive the bone fragments into the organs beneath doing chest compressions. When he was frightened it was impossible for Angel to accurately judge the amount of force he was applying and even though Buffy was the Slayer, she was still breakable. It was safer to have Xander be the one to offer first aid to her. 

When Buffy opened her eyes again Angel was ready to forgive Xander anything. But the following fall when Buffy told him she'd "moved on to the living" and done that… dance with Xander, Angel had found that he was insanely jealous. He had always accepted that Buffy would choose his unnamed friend and had never resented that. Angel had been content with knowing that she cared for him, despite his nature. But giving her up to Xander was something he wasn't capable of doing with anything approaching good graces. 

Angel buried every memory of Xander before Sunnydale; the person he'd met so long ago was as fictitious as his own pretense of humanity. Angel had never wanted to think of that person again, he certainly didn't intend to concede Buffy's affection to Xander for the illusion of friendship that had been presented in Chicago. 

And with loosing his soul and going to Hell it hadn't been difficult to forget that there had ever been a time when it was Xander's friendship rather than Buffy's love that had offered him hope for the future. 

Now Xander was back, just back, from Chicago, looking like the ghost of someone who had never actually existed, even down to the coat Angel had given him back then, it was just too much to deal with. Especially when Xander offered his all too sincere apologies along with a reminder of all that Angel had trusted him with. 

That Xander from Chicago and Xander from Sunnydale were both real and the same person was more than Angel wanted to deal with. Sure people could change, even without curses, all he had to do to see that was look at Cordelia or Wesley. But he had watched them change from a shallow self-centered girl and an incompetent intruder to the people they were now. With Xander he'd missed the intermediaries. Angel's last strong impressions of Xander were of the hate filled teen who had accused him of willfully endangering Buffy at the hospital before the Ascension. Angel wasn't ready to come face to face with the Xander that had walked into Giles' apartment a few hours ago. He didn't know what to expect from him or how to deal with him, with having trusted him. So Angel had handled the situation the only way he could, he left. 

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	3. History Shapes Present

**History Shapes Present**

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

"What was that about?" Anya asked as the door slammed shut behind the trio from LA. 

Xander moved toward the door, he wanted to go after Angel and try to make things right between them, but suddenly realized he didn't know how he could do that. The man who had walked out of Giles' apartment was eighty years removed from the person he had just left and obviously the rules had changed since Chicago. 

"Who the is Liam?" Buffy demanded as Giles said, "You didn't tell him about the clause in his curse." 

Xander looked back at his friends. Riley, Tara and Anya were understandably confused; they didn't know enough of the back-story to understand any of this. Willow looked bemused, Buffy looked furious and Giles seemed stunned. 

"Look you weren't there," Xander said. "Things were different." 

"How hard would it have been to say 'Angel if you sleep with Buffy you'll loose your soul, become a monster again and end up getting sent to Hell'?" Buffy asked. 

"Buffy I spent most of the last month trying to figure out how to say just that to someone who wasn't anything like your Angel, along with trying to find out how to get myself home," Xander said. "I'd have liked to see you do better." 

"How different could he have been, he had his soul," Buffy commented. 

Xander started to open his mouth to explain just how different Angel could be when it suddenly occurred to him that Buffy really had no clue as to what being resouled had done to Angel. She knew what Angelus could be and she knew her brooding, suave boyfriend. But Buffy had never thought about what the curse actually was, it never occurred to her that it had taken Angel decades to adapt to having a soul. To her it was like a light switch; Angel or Angelus with nothing between the two states. Angel had never told her about what came before her Angel. He must not have wanted her to know that stuff, Xander thought. 

The words Xander had been about to speak caught in his throat. "Look, I'm really tired and as everyone pointed out, I need a shower. How about you guy save the third degree for tomorrow?" Xander said thinking that this would give him a chance to figure out how to tell his story without saying more than Angel wanted known. 

"Yes, of course," Giles seconded absently. "You must be exhausted." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"The roaring 20's," Willow sighed. "In Chicago no less, the whole Prohibition Era atmosphere, speak-easies, flappers and bootleggers, Al Capone and Elliot Ness, it must have been so cool." 

"I d-don't know," Tara replied. "Xander didn't look like he h-had a good time there." 

"What do you mean?" Willow asked. 

"W-well look at how he was dressed and he hadn't been able to shave or shower in a c-couple days. He couldn't have been living too comfortably." 

"He probably just got too caught up in researching the spell to get back," Willow said. "He was with Angel, I'm sure he wasn't living on the streets or anything." 

"W-why is that?" Tara asked. 

"He was with Angel, Angel would have taken care of him," Willow said simply. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"What did he mean calling Angel Liam?" Buffy demanded pacing Riley's apartment. 

"What does it matter?" Riley asked. 

"That name meant something to Angel," Buffy said. "Something important, really important. Did you see how Angel reacted to being called that?" 

"So what?" Riley asked. 

"Angel never mentioned that name to me," Buffy exclaimed. "But he told Xander." 

"And you're jealous," Riley said disbelievingly. "The guy broke-up with you more than a year ago and you're going nuts with jealousy because someone else knows something about him that you don't. You're still in love with him, all this time we've been dating and you still love him." 

"I'm not," Buffy insisted. 

"Then why all this?" Riley asked. 

"I was in love with him for years," Buffy said. "Now I wonder if I ever even knew him. Xander as much as said I didn't, I could see it in his face. How could Angel keep me locked out of his life for so long when he was supposed to love me, but let Xander, who he doesn't even like, in after only a month?" 

______________________________________________________________ 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the curse." Xander had said that four hours ago and the words still hung in the air. 

Giles didn't know what to think. The Watcher's Council specifically forbade using magic to tamper with time. He hadn't even let himself consider changing the past to bring Jenny back. He knew all the dangers that lay in that path and those dangers increased exponentially the further back in time that you went. Giles should have been relieved that Xander had been mature enough to recognize the danger and resist the temptation to try to set everything right. 

But just this once Giles wished that the boy had acted with his usual impulsiveness and that he would have saved Jenny. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Xander stared at the ceiling in his new bedroom. Anya was curled contentedly against his side. Xander wished he could join her in sleep, or at least that the welcome-home sex had been less energetic. He really was exhausted and he had a lot to figure out before talking to the others. 

Still, if he had tried to get out of sex Anya would have taken it wrong. Xander sighed, he really did love Anya, but his girlfriend still had some truly bizarre quirks. He was trying to convince her that not every bonding experience had to include sex, but he had a ways to go. Additionally his disappearance had really upset her and sex was still how Anya reassured herself that everything was okay. 

Knowing that didn't make him any less exhausted or bring him any closer to knowing how to deal with the whole time-travel/Angel situation. 

First he had to deal with his friends, then with Angel. Buffy, Giles and Angel were probably all mad at him about the curse. At least Angel knew he'd tried to tell him, abet too late to get the message out. And maybe he could explain his indecisiveness to Buffy and Giles, but if he explained anything to them would it upset Angel even more than he already was? 

Of course Buffy and Giles would spot the holes in his story if he didn't explain everything. There were going to be a lot of them if he didn't give away information about Angel's past. Then they'd probably be upset with him too. 

"How do I get myself into these messes?" Xander wondered. And when precisely had he decided to protect Angel's secrets rather than just blurt out the whole story to Buffy and Giles. When had it stopped being an act, when had Angel become a friend? 

Xander found himself laughing at the irony of the situation; he'd been feeling guilty about lying to Angel for weeks because of a lie that had actually been a truth. 

At some point during between that miserably rainy night and telling Angel about his predicament four days later Xander realized he'd started liking the vampire. During those days it had rained almost continuously, both Xander and Angel had remained in the lair as much as possible and they'd talked. Or more to the point Angel had talked. Once he'd started feeding regularly, Angel's mind had cleared leaving the vampire intensely miserable. He had needed someone to talk to about what had happened to him, what he'd done, Xander was there. Angel had told Xander about the years since the curse, about his wild swings between trying to be a proper vampire, which was all he really remembered how to be and attempts at escape from his over-whelming guilt, which had frequently included starving himself to the point that he couldn't think clearly. It was actually a very easy state to induce in a vampire; Angel had repeatedly and purposefully muddled his mind by simply inducing blood loss that resulted in fast-forward starvation in the vampire. 

Then the war had started. Angel had been wandering Europe in one of his depressed stages; unable to tolerate the carnage that Darla, Spike and Drucillia reveled in any longer, he'd chosen to separate from them. Old habits had attracted him to the battlefields where the traces of Ireland in Donnely's voice had prompted him to save the man. Being responsible for saving a life rather than taking one had felt good, it was the first time anything had felt that way since the curse. Angel had eagerly embraced the roll of a medic, and quickly learned the rudimentary skills he needed to perform his self-appointed task properly. However, Donnely had been the first and Angel had become obsessed with seeing that the man made it through the war safely. 

Being a medic had given Angel an outlet for his guilt, in addition to a way and a reason to maintain his health. It had given him time to evaluate the circumstances he'd found himself in. Angel had concluded that he couldn't return to Darla again, killing was abhorrent to him now and no matter how much he tried to be what he had been it always would be. He also knew if he stayed in Europe it was only a matter of time before he'd encounter one of the vampires of his blood, his family, and Angel knew himself well enough to know he'd try to please them. So he'd gotten Donnely to bring him here, to America. He'd visited the continent briefly once before, at the time he'd found the Colonies remarkably dull, just as Darla had said they'd be when she'd refused to accompany him. After only a few months Angel had returned to Europe, along with his new protégé Penn. Now Angel didn't care about being entertained, he just remembered his Sire's distain of all things related to the New World and decided that it would make a perfect haven for him. 

However, habit proved harder to out run than family. With the War over Angel had nothing to occupy him and quickly fell back to brooding upon his actions of the past century and a half, brooding lead to depression and depression lead back to bloodletting. 

Listening to Angel talk had been a revelation to Xander. It was the first time Xander had thought about Angel as a person or thought about the curse as a punishment. He'd always assumed that the souled vampire had gotten off easy for the things he'd done, especially after Angelus' reign of terror in Sunnydale. All Xander had been able to see was Buffy accepting Angel back as if nothing had happened. Xander had wanted Angel to pay for what he'd done the past spring, and by pay Xander had meant die. He'd even gone so far as to send Faith after Angel. 

Now Xander found himself considering the curse from Angel's point of view. He had always known that the souled vampire carried the memories of what the demon had done, and given Angelus' love of mind games that probably meant that he had known many of his victims very well. Now Xander also possessed the uncomfortable knowledge that Angel and the demon couldn't truly be considered separate entities, without the demon there was no Angel. Angel wasn't human; he was a demon who suddenly found himself in possession of a conscious after a century and a half without one. Xander wondered how many faces haunted Angel's dreams after over a century of killing. 

Xander still felt a pang of guilt and disgust every time he remembered the things he'd done while the hyena spirit had possessed him, and he hadn't even done that much. He'd killed and eaten Herbert the school mascot, he'd been cruel to Willow and had attempted to kill her, he'd attempted to rape Buffy. Even though his friends had absolved him of guilt in those acts Xander had never forgiven himself. The other students who'd been possessed had fared much worse in the long run. While he'd been having his confrontation with Buffy they'd been killing and eating Principal Flutie, that wasn't something a person could just block out, not even on the Hellmouth were everyone had a lot of experience in rationalizing away the weirdness that was life. Ronda and Tor had entered into a suicide pact less than a month after the hyena incident. Heidi was still in drug rehab and Kyle had pulled a Faith. He'd ended up dead in a shoot out with the police. 

They'd only killed one person and none of them came through the experience sane. Angel had easily killed hundreds of people, without his soul he'd done it gleefully and now he had to live with that. Xander had never thought about what that meant. Never thought about what it meant to have killed friends and family, including a younger sister who had idolized Angel. 

Once Angel had tried to tell Xander about his life. The gaps had told Xander more than the scant words Angel had managed to speak. He mentioned his mother who had died while he'd still been a child, a beautiful wild girl who was barely a ghost in his memories. He'd mentioned the silent, timid, kind woman who had replaced his mother and born his younger sister, he'd liked her after a fashion. Angel said very little about his father, barely even his name. His voice held guilt and hatred and more guilt, but very little remorse when he said his father's name. Xander wondered how he'd sound if he'd killed his father, the man he'd feared for so much of his life. He had a feeling he'd sound a lot like Angel; guilty for the feelings that not even death and centuries could change, guilty that he couldn't feel the regret he believed he should feel. 

Then there was Kathy, Angel's, no Liam's younger sister. Angel knew he'd loved her, he knew almost every happy memory in his human life had involved her, but when he tried to remember the details the only image Angel could bring to mind was that of her broke body lying in the doorway of his father's home. When he tried to tell Xander about Kathy all he do was relive her death. 

Xander tried to image what it would have been like if he'd actually hurt Willow or Buffy while possessed by the hyena and then he knew Angel hadn't gotten off easy when he'd been cursed. Xander was beginning to see just how hard it must have been for Angel to re-enter life and start making amends for his past. 

Once Xander admitted to himself that Angel did pay an immense price for his actions while soulless it wasn't nearly as hard as Xander thought it would be to let go of his long held dislike of the other man. 

Originally Xander had believed his newfound fondness for Angel stemmed from the situation in Chicago. But he had gotten back, he didn't need Angel here and the reverse was more than true. He had seen the current version of Angel, the collected, annoying, completely non-pathetic version of Angel and Xander still couldn't re-spark that old comfortable hatred for the vampire. 

Sure, this Angel wasn't the lost, vulnerable person he'd been in the 20's, but Xander could still see traces of the person he'd been. The guilt that had once driven Angel to starve himself on the streets of Chicago now motivated him to save people. The feelings hadn't changed, just the expression of them. 

Xander had to respect Angel for the changes he'd made, because now Xander knew it had actually been easier for Angel to live like he had in Chicago, easier to allow confusion to numb his guilt. 

Giles and Buffy would probably notice he was leaving out the majority of the story when he told them about Chicago, so why bother trying to hide that? They were just going to have to live with unanswered questions, that information was Angel's to divulge or not. Xander owed Angel, he respected the vampire, Xander even liked him and for all those reasons Xander wasn't going to give away any of his secrets. 

With his decisions made, Xander finally was able to relax into sleep. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"At the end everything happened really fast," Xander said. "I expected to have more time to figure out what to tell Angel, then I was on my way back and I hadn't said anything." 

"As much as I might wish to change the past so that Jenny is saved, you were right to be cautious," Giles said tiredly, Xander thought he looked like the night had been a sleepless one for him as well. 

"Okay," Buffy said. "I get it, you couldn't just blurt it out, there could have been consequences, but what was that whole Liam thing last night?" 

Xander sighed, "I shouldn't have called him that." 

"Why not?" Buffy demanded. 

"Because it's Angel's story to tell," Xander said. 

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	4. Past Revisited

**Past Revisited**

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

"Kate, this case is right up your alley," Frank said, as Detective Kate Lockley ducked under the crime scene tape. 

"And why's that?" Kate asked ill naturedly, approaching the center of activity. 

"Our corpse is some kind of a werewolf or something," Frank replied. 

"This had better not be some idiot who shot his neighbor's dog for barking too much again," Kate said, stopping to glare at her fellow officer. 

"Would I do that to you?" Frank asked, overly-sweetly. "No the victim's human." 

"Alright, I'll bite, why did you say it's my kind of case, really." 

"The shooter thought this guy was something weird, he used silver bullets, a lot of 'em," Frank replied. "We don't have any ID on the corpse, but he didn't belong in this neighborhood; a well-dressed Caucasian male, mid to late twenties, brown hair, brown eyes, probably just moved here, he didn't have time to get a tan yet. The coroner can tell you the rest." 

Kate nodded curtly and walked over to the body. 

"Hey Detective," Dr. Jack Wakes greeted her. 

"Hey Jack, how's your second week on the job going?" Kate asked. 

"Better before tonight, I don't know what this guy did, but he sure pissed someone off. I'm guessing that the shooter unloaded around two full clips into our victim, I won't have an exact count until I can get him to the lab and start pulling the bullets back out. There are so many holes they overlap. Plus silver's soft, the bullets deformed more than lead would on impact, makes a bigger mess. But what really takes the cake is after the guy was on the ground the shooter walked right up to him and put a bullet through his heart and another between his eyes. See this marking?" Jack asked shining a flashlight in the corpse's face. "It from the muzzle of the gun being pressed into his skull." 

Kate gasped, her face turning white as the blood pooled in her stomach, making her feel nauseous. 

"What is it?" Jack asked looking concerned. 

"I know the victim," Kate said softly. "He's a local PI." 

"I'm sorry," Jack said. "Was he a friend?" 

"No," Kate said more firmly, "I didn't like his methods, too close to vigilantism." 

"I guess that gives us a place to start looking for a motive," Jack said. 

"Yeah, it does," Kate said. "Frank, we've got a name and occupation. I'm acquainted with the victim, I should probably take care of the notification and collecting statements from his co-workers." 

"I'm not going to argue with you over that job," Frank said. 

"Oh, Jack," Kate said, pausing to look back at the coroner. "The victim had this weird skin condition, sunlight caused a rapid breakdown of his cellular structure, I'm not sure whether or not it means anything now, but, just to be safe, you should probably keep him away from UV's. I'd hate to have the case fall apart because the body damaged before we could run all our tests." 

______________________________________________________________ 

Xander stood irresolutely in the lobby of the Hyperion Hotel. He'd tried calling Angel several times since returning from Chicago, but the vampire was never available when he called. After a week, Cordelia had admitted that Angel had no intention of ever accepting a call from Xander. 

So Xander had decided to come visit, he figured he'd be harder to ignore in person. 

"Xander!" Cordelia exclaimed, noticing him hovering near the door. "Why are you here?" 

"Well, I thought this way Angel would have to kick me out himself, rather than just have you refuse to forward my calls," Xander said with a self-deprecating grin. "After the last four years I figure I owe it to him to give him the chance to be a jerk for a while. I'd really like a chance to apologize and he should have the chance to tell me how much of what he said in Chicago stays between us. Where is Angel anyway?" 

Cordelia winced, "I wish we knew, he went out to do a little clean-up on a case of ours, he never came back. Wesley's out trying to find him now." 

"Could he be in trouble?" Xander asked. 

"This guy was just an abusive boyfriend," Cordelia replied. "He shouldn't have been a danger to Angel or anything. I mean sure he hired a demon to scare his girlfriend into dropping charges against him, but that demon was a real wimp. We didn't even get to the fighting part, the demon left the country as soon as he heard that his target went to Angel for protection." 

"So you're thinking Angel just had a late night or something," Xander said. "That he had to go to ground because of the dawn right? That he'll probably be back shortly after sundown." 

"Right," Cordelia replied uncertainly. 

"I'll wait," Xander said. "If he doesn't, I can help you guys look for him." 

______________________________________________________________ 

Kate checked for witnesses before slipping into the city morgue. A few moments inspection of the logbooks told her which drawer she was looking for. 

Kate propped a chair under the doorknob, then removed a cross and a stake from her purse. Cautiously she opened the appropriate drawer and slid the slab out. 

She was almost surprised to see that it was still occupied. "I thought you'd be gone by now," Kate said to the body. "I mean silver's for werewolves not vampires, right Angel?" 

"But I guess having a piece of metal bouncing around in your brain is pretty traumatic no matter what you are," Kate continued pulling the sheet back to reveal his face and chest. 

"Not much healing going on," Kate commented. "Well that explains why no one was screaming about monsters or aliens, huh. If I didn't know better I'd think you were just another dead body too." 

"Still, I've seen your kind die, if you were really dead there wouldn't be a body. I thought about just staking you," Kate said conversationally. "But I'm not like you. I don't run around passing judgment on people… things, I'm a police officer. The stake is just in case I had to defend myself." 

"I wish your playmate, who ever that was, had done his research, it would have made things simpler for me," Kate said, setting the stake down to remove a syringe from her purse. "But don't worry. I came up with a solution to our problem. I think you'll like it Angel." 

Carefully Kate injected Angel with the contents of the syringe, then pulled the sheet back up over his face. "That should make sure you don't wake up too soon," She said, closing the drawer then leaving the morgue. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn and Xander were clustered around the front desk in the Hyperion's lobby. It had been four days since Angel had disappeared and they had yet to find a trace of the souled vampire. 

"I'm going to the police," Cordelia said. 

"And tell them what exactly?" Wesley asked. "We've discussed this before." 

"Well that time we still had leads, remember?" Cordelia snapped. "I could tell Kate something's happened. She may hate Angel, but she's still a police officer right? She has to help, or at least keep an eye out for something." 

"Like what, suspicious dust piles?" Gunn asked sarcastically, Cordelia slapped him. 

"Sorry, but you've gotta face the facts," Gunn said. "Soulful's been MIA for four sun filled days, nobody on the street has seen him, not the people not the demon-types. Vamps are hard to keep penned up, if he were alive or whatever, we would have heard from him by now." 

"I don't buy it," Xander said. "Cordy is Angel's connection to the Powers that Be right?" 

"Yes, but what does that have to do with this?" Wesley asked. 

"Well if Angel's really dead, why did she get that vision about the chaos demon last night?" Xander asked. 

"Lets go talk to the police," Cordelia said triumphantly. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Kate stood in the morgue, the forged papers giving her the right to claim Angel's body clenched nervously in her hands, her gaze shifting guiltily toward the drawer containing the vampire's comatose body. 

"Look Detective, this isn't exactly by the book," The officer said. 

"I'm paying for the burial," Kate replied curtly. "All you have to do is follow instructions. No cremation, no embalming, crosses are to be carved into every side of the casket and make sure it's well sealed." 

"You said you notified his people, shouldn't they claim the body and make these arrangements?" the officer asked. 

"The only people he knew were the ones he worked with, they gave me full discretion in seeing to the body, you've seen the paper-work," Kate said. 

"So just let us cremate him and be done with it, why all the extra fuss?" 

"Just do what I tell you to, it shouldn't be that far beyond your abilities," Kate snapped, turning to leave. 

"Hey, Detective," the man yelled. "Do you ever wonder why you don't have any friends?" 

______________________________________________________________ 

Kate returned from the morgue to find Cordelia Chase and a dark haired boy Kate hadn't seen before waiting at her desk. 

"Angel went missing five days ago," Cordelia said without any preliminary niceties. 

"I don't see what you want me to do," Kate said. 

"You're a detective, so go look for clues or something. Find out what happened to Angel," Cordelia replied. 

"I'm afraid you have the wrong department," Kate said. "I'm a homicide detective, we don't get involved until after there's a body, and we both know your boss wouldn't leave one of those. I'd send you to Missing Persons, but then he's not a person is he? I guess we just can't help you." 

"You know when I walked in here, I wondered why you're hidden back in the corner like this," Cordelia said. "Now I'm guessing it's cause you're too busy being a bitch to be a police officer." 

"Come on, Cordy," Xander said softly. "Insulting the Detective won't help Angel." 

"Wait," Kate said. "What was Angel working on when he disappeared? I could have the department look into it, who knows what might turn-up." 

Cordelia smiled gratefully. "It was a domestic violence thing." 

"So how did Angel get involved?" Kate asked. "Why didn't the client go to the police?" 

"She did," Cordelia replied. "But the boyfriend hired a demon to go after her. When she described what was after her since she left him the police laughed her out of the station." 

"You think the demon took Angel out?" Kate asked. 

"Not likely," Cordelia snorted. "The way we heard the story demon-boy bought a ticket for the first plane to anywhere when he heard Angelus was looking for him. Anyway, Angel was going to go introduce himself to the creep boyfriend, make sure he wouldn't try anything else until our client could press charges, only Angel never came back." 

"What's the boyfriend's name?" Kate asked. 

"Danny Morals," Cordelia replied. "The girl is Rachael Deeks, she's a model." 

"And he's been in trouble with the police before, but he got off on a technicality," Kate said thoughtfully. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Once she knew who to look into it didn't take long for Kate to find evidence linking Danny Morals to Angel's supposed murder. A few calls netted enough information to obtain an arrest warrant, and to establish that Rachael Deeks had gone missing within twelve hours of Angel being shot. 

"Where is Rachael, Danny?" Kate demanded. 

"How would I know, she left me," Morals replied bitterly. 

"You shot the guy she hired to protect her from you," Kate pointed out. "I think you know exactly what happened to Rachael." 

"I didn't shoot anyone," Morals said. 

"Right," Kate said, rolling her eyes in disgust. "He was shot with ammo you had custom made, but you didn't do it. Why am I not believing this?" 

"I reported my gun stolen, the ammo was in it at the time of the theft," Morals replied. "You find my thief, you'll find your murderer." 

"Danny, you expect me to believe that two clips of your custom made ammo end up in a guy hired to protect your ex-girlfriend from you, who just happens to be missing, and you had nothing to do with it?" Kate asked. 

"I expect a jury to believe it, after Wolfram and Hart explains the situation for me," Morals said. "Speaking of my lawyers, I think we should be calling them about now." 

"I have one question for you first," Kate said. "Did you know silver doesn't kill vampires?" 

"What?" Morals demanded. 

"You didn't do your homework very well Danny. Silver's for werewolves, it's wood that does it for vampires," Kate explained. "And you know that really funny thing? Our corpse disappeared the night after the coroner finished pulling the bullets out. I'm sure that it's just a mix up, you know wrong tag on the body or something, but the guys down at the morgue swear that the guy walked out." 

Danny's face went chalk-white. 

"You tell me where Rachael is or I'll leave you hand-cuffed in his office, maybe he can get an answer out of you. I've heard he doesn't take loosing clients well," Kate threatened. 

"You can't do that," Morals said. 

"Watch me," Kate dared him. 

"I couldn't loose her," Morals said. "I love Rachael. I've got her at my cousin's place. She would have realized that we belong together eventually. I just needed her to listen to me. That vampire she hired was getting in the way." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"I still don't see how filing a missing person's report will help," Wesley said, as he and Cordelia sat in the waiting area at the police station. 

"I don't know!" Cordelia exclaimed. "Maybe he got hit in the head and is wandering around somewhere with amnesia. It can't hurt." 

"How may I help you?" the police officer asked. 

"Angel is missing," Cordelia said firmly, showing the officer a picture of Buffy and Angel from the prom. "He's been gone for two weeks now." 

"Have you contacted his family? Is there any reason for you to suspect something may have happened to him?" 

"We are his family," Cordelia replied. "And do you think we'd be here if we thought everything was hunky-dory?" 

"I have some forms you'll need to fill out," the officer said, handing Cordelia a stapled packet. 

Cordelia began skimming through the form. "I knew I was right to bring the drawing of his tattoo," she said to Wesley, pointing to the identifying marks section of the form. "This will help won't it?" Cordelia asked showing the officer the sketch she'd copied from the watcher's diaries. 

"Hold on a minute," The officer said solemnly, "I need to check something, may I borrow that." 

"I told you, I told you," Cordelia repeated excitedly as the officer checked something on his computer. 

"The tattoo was located behind his right shoulder?" The officer asked. 

"Yes, you know where he is?" Cordelia asked. 

"I'm terribly sorry, but your Angel was killed, I can't imagine why you weren't notified. 

"But you saw the tattoo," Cordelia said. "Angel can't be dead." 

"I remembered the tat," The officer said. "I'd never seen one like that before." 

"Wesley, tell him Angel's not dead," Cordelia insisted. 

"Cordelia, please," Wesley said. "Officer, could we see the body?" 

"I'm sorry, Detective Lockley already arranged for burial, the best I can do is to send you to the cemetery." 

"That will be acceptable," Wesley said, grabbing Cordelia's arm as she prepared to storm off. 

"Wesley, let go of me. I'm going to go hurt her. She buried him!" Cordelia protested. 

"Cordelia, we need to leave," Wesley said, half carrying the infuriated girl out of the precinct. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Now this brings back memories," Xander said, his shovel thunking into the newly laid grass. "Just like high school." 

"I might not have gone to high school, but I know grave robbing wasn't in the curriculum," Gunn commented. 

"Actually medical students were quiet renown for graving robbing at the previous turn of the century," Wesley said. 

"Dig!" Cordelia commanded from her perch on a nearby tombstone. 

"I remember this part too," Xander said. "Somehow the girls always get out of digging up the bodies." 

The three men dug in silence until Gunn's shovel thunked hollowly on the lid of the coffin, a few minutes more and the dirt around the casket had been cleared. 

"Crosses," Wesley said softly. "No wonder Angel couldn't free himself." 

"It's sealed shut with some kind of soldier," Xander said, forcing the blade of his shovel under the lid of the coffin and using it as a lever to pry the box open. 

"Xander, some caution might be advisable," Wesley said offering the younger man a cross. "We don't know what state Angel may be in after such a lengthy confinement." 

"He can manage the blood lust," Xander said waving the cross away. "I don't want to greet him with one of those, it's kinda unfriendly." 

"Okay, who are you and what did you do with Xander Harris?" Cordelia asked. 

"Chicago changed things Cordy," Xander replied. "I trust Angel now, I want him to know that." 

With a loud crack the seal on the coffin broke, Xander slipped his fingers under the heavy lid and heaved it open. "Angel…" he breathed in shock. 

The other three crowded in closer. 

"Help me get him out of there," Xander ordered. 

Gunn moved to help lift the vampire from the grave as Cordelia asked, "He'll be all right, won't he?" 

"I hope so," Wesley replied solemnly. 

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	5. History Repeats Itself

**History Repeats Itself**

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

"Was is okay to pray for a vampire?" Cordelia wondered she really wanted to do something besides wait. Angel had never been hurt so badly before, unless it had been while he was in Hell, but she hadn't seen that. A fact Cordelia was very glad of, her first glimpse of Angel, three nights ago, lying in the open coffin had provided fodder for nightmares for decades to come. 

Cordelia had been told, she couldn't remember why, but she'd been told morticians cut shirts and jackets down the back to facilitate the dressing of an unresponsive corpse. Apparently that was true, because at some point Angel had been alert enough to try to escape the cross-barred grave Kate Lockley had consigned him to. In his struggles the suit jacket and shirt he'd been dressed in had come undone along that seem. The disarrayed clothing had left both the bullet wounds and those from the autopsy on display. The wounds were obscenely exposed, Cordelia remembered thinking that there should have been blood, but by the time they'd found Angel he hadn't any left to bleed with. So Angel's bones and organs had been clearly visible through the tears in his ash gray skin. 

Even where the skin was whole Cordelia had been uncomfortably aware of his bones. Wesley had explained that a vampire's body would cannibalize itself to repair the most vital systems if blood weren't available. Xander had seconded that. Wesley theorized that Angel's body had probably attempted to repair the damage his brain had sustained when someone had put a bullet through it. The entry point had sealed over, but was still a vivid scar on Angel's forehead. Basic motor skills and a hunter's instinct would have been the priority systems, with those intact, theoretically Angel should have been able to supply his body with the blood it so desperately needed. Theoretically didn't take a cross-decked casket into consideration. 

Wesley had managed to locate a doctor familiar with treating the undead, the doctor had told them that Angel's body had used the last of it's resources attempting to free itself from the grave. The doctor had sewing and bandaged Angel's wounds; he set up an IV to fill the souled vampire's veins with fresh blood and fixed a second tube to fill his stomach with the same substance. Then the doctor had left, he said he'd done all he could, he said Angel might wake, or Angel might crumble to dust, the doctor didn't know which, all they could do was wait. Cordelia hated every moment of it. 

Angel was the closest thing to a real family that Cordelia had ever had, she wasn't going to loose him because cop-lady had issues. 

"Hey Angel," Cordelia said softly. "We got a new case, Wesley and Gunn are taking care of it, so don't worry. Xander's helping them; he came here to finish apologizing. I think you'd be a lot happier if you'd let him." 

Angel stirred weakly; dark lashes fluttering against cheeks so pale that they were still more gray than flesh colored. 

"That's it Angel, come on," Cordelia encouraged. 

"I was having such a horrible dream," Angel sighed. "I thought I'd killed you." Slowly his eyes focused on Cordelia and filled with confusion. "When did you grow-up Kathy?" he asked. 

"Um, who and what?" Cordelia asked. "Okay, getting shot in the head and buried, highly traumatic experience. Well fatal, except for the already dead part. Angel you're a little confused right now, it's understandable." 

"Kathy, what's wrong?" Angel asked, concern warring with exhaustion in his voice. 

"Other than you calling me by the wrong name, everything's peachy Angel," Cordelia replied. "Well brain-damaged is better than dust, I guess." 

"Kathy is your name," Angel insisted. "Oh god, my head hurts. I don't even want to think about last night. What time is it?" 

"Noon, why?" Cordelia replied. 

"Noon, it's a wonder Father hasn't drug me out of bed yet. Damn, he disowned me yesterday, or I walked out, by the end I wasn't sure which it was. Where am I? This isn't my room," Angel said. 

"Okay, more crazy talk," Cordelia said. "I'm calling Wesley, he'll look things up in his musty old books. Do those books fix scrambled brains? Or Gunn, well actually Gunn's better at scrambling brains than unscrambling them." 

"Now, waking up in the wrong house is nothing new," Angel continued. "But you're not supposed to know 'bout that Kathy. Why are you here?" 

"You were hurt," Cordelia explained. "I was worried." 

"I'm not hung-over?" Angel asked. 

"Well duh, you don't drink enough to get hang-overs, that was Doyle's specialty. You do the sitting in the dark brooding thing," Cordelia said. 

"What are you talking about Kathy?" Angel asked. 

"Stop with the Kathy thing, I'm Cordelia, Cor-del-ia, remember?" 

"You're Kathleen O'Neill," Angel said firmly. 

"Uh, Angel, I think I know my own name. I'm Cordelia Chase, have been for twenty years and counting." 

"Why do you keep calling me that?" Angel demanded. 

"What?" 

"Angel, I'm Liam, your brother." 

"Wesley!" Cordelia yelled. "Weirdness is happening… again! Oh yeah, he's out, the case. All right, lets start from the top. You're Angel, a two hundred and forty-seven year old vampire. With a soul, so you help people instead of eating them. You're a warrior for the PTB, that's the Powers that Be. I'm Cordelia Chase, future super-star, currently your connection to the Powers, I get visions, and I need a raise. We're in LA… Angel, what part of that aren't you following?" 

"I am not a monster!" Angel exclaimed angrily. 

"Not to be tactless here or anything," Cordelia said. "But, technically, you are. Not that that makes you a bad guy or anything, well as long as you avoid the perfect happiness thing." 

"Kathy, stop it!" Angel commanded, struggling to get up. "Just stop it, please." 

Cordelia pushed Angel back down. "Easy, you've got more holes in you than the plot in "The Fifth Element", you start moving around and all the blood we just put in you will come back out." 

"Don't hate me, Kathy, not you too. Please Kathy," Angel begged. 

"I don't, Angel what's wrong with you? Oh yeah… Well okay, but this is bazaar, even in my life. But nobody… not everybody hates you. And a lot of the ones that do are pretty evil, if that makes you feel any better." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Hi, um Liam, can I talk to you?" Xander asked. 

"You got any whiskey?" Angel asked. 

"Sorry." 

"A man can hope," Angel sighed. "But I'm sure what ya have ta say would sound much better after a drink or three." 

"Probably, I can understand that," Xander said. "You know it's the year 2000 right?" 

"I know, I saw the newspaper, heard the date on the radio. Kathy took me up to the roof, showed me LA," Angel said. "She tells me I lived all this time. I drank blood… I liked it." 

"How are you holding up?" Xander asked. 

"I'm not even human, my father wouldn't have been overly startled," Angel said. "Kathy's still here, she doesn't despise me yet, I'll manage." 

"Cordelia isn't…" 

"Don't," Cordelia said to Xander as she stepped into the room. "Hi Liam, you feeling better?" 

"The fast healin' is something I could get used to," Angel said. 

"Considering the number of times you get shot, impaled or otherwise beat-up, you ought to be glad of it," Cordelia replied. 

"Kathy darlin', you promised not ta tell me anything else disturbin'," Angel said smiling playfully at the girl he considered his younger sister. 

"Right, so are you ready for more exposure to the current century?" Cordelia asked. 

"What's on the menu for this evenin'" Angel asked. 

"David Nabbit's having a party, we're invited. He's one of our few paying clients, it's a good idea for us to pay attention to him every now and then, plus he throws some kick ass parties," Cordelia said. 

"Sounds fun," Angel replied. "By the way, do I have clothing for any functions besides funerals?" 

Cordelia and Xander both began laughing, "I'm never going to let you forget this," Cordelia said. "Angel acknowledging that clothes come in more colors than black." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Wow, Liam's way better at socializing than Angel," Cordelia commented. 

Angel was smiling at some model type, listening attentively, or at least watching her attentively. After a few moments he kissed the back of her hand and led her to a space cleared for dancing. The attractive blond giggled at his actions, but her expression was definitely appreciative. 

"At the last party I threw Angel convinced the only person he talked to, other than Wesley, that he hated her," Cordelia continued to Xander as they watched the blond adjust Angel's dance frame so they were pressed together. For a moment Angel looked startled then grinned approvingly at the woman. "After the first fifteen minutes Angel retreated to the kitchen and spent the rest of the party bonding with my dead roommate." 

"Angel wasn't that smooth when he was with Buffy," Xander said. 

"Our Angel smooth?" Cordelia snorted. "In what universe? Painfully sincere, intense and gorgeous yes, but very, very awkward, almost shy, if there aren't any demons or fighting involved. It's sort of sweet." 

"Why is Angel being awkward sweet, but it wasn't when I was awkward?" Xander asked. 

"Did you miss everything else I said? Plus Angel's wardrobe might be monochromatic, but at least it has class," Cordelia replied. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Angel seems more outgoing tonight," David Nabbit said. 

"What?" Wesley commented distracted by Angel's progression from dancing to kissing the slender blond he'd been talking to. 

"Well normally he sort of avoids people," David said. "But tonight…" 

A group of partiers moved in front of Angel and the girl, blocking Wesley's view. 

"Did you guys solve a major case or save the world or something?" David asked. 

"Or something," Wesley replied. "Angel suffered a rather serious head wound, the effects were somewhat unexpected." 

"Wow," David said. "I could use an injury like that." 

"I wouldn't advise it," Wesley said. "Excuse me, I really must speak with Cordelia." 

"Oh sure." 

"Wesley maneuvered across the room, trying to relocate Angel as well as Cordelia. He didn't see Angel but found Cordelia talking with a man she'd pointed out as being involved in movies in some capacity. 

Wesley took her arm firmly, "Cordelia, I really hate to intrude but I have a rather urgent question," he said. 

"Sure, what is it?" Cordelia replied smiling brilliantly at her prospective break into super-stardom. 

"In private," Wesley said leading her away. 

"I'm sorry, I'll just be a moment," Cordelia called over her shoulder. "What's so important?" she asked Wesley. 

"Did you, by any chance, explain the details of the curse to Angel?" Wesley asked. 

"Didn't you?" Cordelia replied. 

"I assumed you had, you've know him longer," Wesley said. 

"He thinks I'm his kid sister," Cordelia exclaimed. "Sex didn't exactly come up in our conversations." 

"Well tactfulness has never stopped you from saying what ever popped into your head before." 

"Lately I've been too busy worrying about Angel dying to spend a lot of time worrying about him being overly happy," Cordelia said. 

"Didn't you think maybe it would be a good idea to mention the curse's limitations and the consequences of breaking it before taking him to a social event?" Wesley demanded. 

"It's not like I expected him to talk to anyone except us and David!" Cordelia exclaimed. "Where's Angel anyway?" 

"When I last saw him, he was having quite the time with a lovely young lady." 

"Come on, he wouldn't. This is Angel we're talking about," Cordelia said. 

"No, it's not, this is Liam," Wesley corrected. "Someone we hardly know, but who has, on more than one occasion, made comments completely out of keeping with Angel's normal views." 

"We'd better find them," Cordelia said nervously. 

"And soon," Wesley seconded. "We should alert Xander to be on the look out as well." 

"Xander will be at the hors d'oeuvre table," Cordelia said, scanning the crowd for Angel. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"I couldn't find him," Xander reported. "And I've disturbed couples in every private corner of this place. It's a good thing Anya's desensitized me to all forms of embarrassment." 

"Just like you did for me," Cordelia said sweetly. 

"He left the party," Wesley panted, running to join the pair from Sunnydale. "With a Miss Jennifer Aims. I obtained a description of her car and the license number from the valet." 

"I'm praying they get stuck in traffic," Cordelia said as the trio hurried to Angel's car. 

"We'll need to return to the Hyperion," Wesley said, starting the motor. "If we're exceptionally lucky they'll have gone there. In any case we'll need the computer to track down her address." 

The drive to the hotel was tensely silent and no one was surprised at the lack of a strange car parked at the building, this wasn't the kind of night where things went right." 

Cordelia found the address while Wesley checked over a tranquilizer gun and Xander hunted up crosses and holy water for all. 

Armed they returned to the car, Cordelia's voice brittly reading off instructions was the only conversation. No one wanted to banter anymore. 

Jennifer Aims owned a nice, empty apartment in a safe part of town. "Her car's not here," Cordelia said. 

"We should break in anyway," Wesley replied. "It's possible they had car trouble, they might have resorted to a cab." 

"We're clutching at straws here," Xander said. 

"Let me know when you find something more substantial to cling to," Wesley said picking the lock on the door. 

"Where'd you learn to do that?" Cordelia demanded. 

"One of Gunn's cohorts." 

"They're not here," Cordelia said, after a quick inspection of the apartment. 

"Maybe they went to a hotel," Xander suggested. 

"I'll have Gunn ask his people to check the local hotels for her car," Wesley said, picking up the phone. 

"We'll go out and look too," Cordelia said. 

"Someone should keep watch here," Wesley replied. "If Miss Aims returns unharmed it would suggest that the curse remained intact, despite the night's activities." 

"How likely do you think that is?" Xander asked, a touch of his old hatred of Angel creeping into his voice. 

"I wouldn't bet the safety of the world on it," Wesley replied. "But it's honestly what I'm expecting, one night stands are generally disappointing." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"There's been no sightings of the car," Gunn reported shortly after noon the next day. 

"And Jennifer Aims didn't make it home this morning," Xander said. "I think we need to warn Buffy. If Angelus is on the loose it won't be too long before he goes after her." 

"We can handle it," Cordelia said clutching a tranquilizer gun like a stuffed toy. "We did last time." 

"There was a last time!" Xander demanded. 

"Not really," Wesley said. "An actress drugged him hoping to persuade him to turn her. The drug suppressed Angel's soul for a time but he never actually lost it." 

"We still need to call Buffy," Xander insisted. "He's out there, somewhere, he might decide the hell with all of us and make a bee-line for Sunnydale. Angelus makes a hobby of obsession and Buffy's the itch that he couldn't scratch. She needs to know the possibilities. If they had an encounter with her thinking he's Angel, well I don't think he'd stop with mind games this time. If you don't make the call, I will." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Mr. Giles, hello, it's Wesley. We may have an Angelus situation down here." 

"How the hell could that happen?" Giles demanded disbelief and fury filling his voice. 

"Actually, it's probably just a false alarm," Wesley said. "But after the last time, it was decided we should take precautions." 

"Isn't now a little late?" Giles snarled. "There were supposed to be precautions to keep this from happening. Last time he almost sucked the world into Hell." 

"Actually, last time was quite tame," Wesley said. "Cordelia and I handled it very neatly." 

"Angelus got loose again," Giles said icily. "And you didn't inform Buffy or I, you didn't destroy him? Do you realize the carnage that creature is capable of?" 

"Yes, Cordelia was quite clear on that point. But Angel could hardly be held responsible for Miss Lowell drugging him, and I had good reason to believe that he would return to normal when the effects of the drug wore off. The whole situation was resolved in an evening." 

"And this time?" Giles demanded. "Obviously that creature is too dangerous for us to ignore. That there have been three incidents proves Angel's soul can't be trusted to maintain control. There is simply no choice any longer." 

"Angel is not…" Wesley winced at the sound of Giles hanging up with enough force to crack his handset. "At fault," Wesley finished, speaking to a dead line. "Oh that went smashingly." 

"So we have back up coming," Cordelia said, dumping an armload of crosses on the front desk. 

"Of the homicidal variety," Wesley replied. "The news was not taken well in Sunnydale." 

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	6. Past Wrongs

**Past Wrongs**

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

Riley drove Joyce's SUV with a nervous intensity. He had claimed the responsibility of driving by rights of being the only one emotionally stable enough to be behind the wheel. 

Giles sat in the passenger seat shoot coldly threatening glances at Riley. Giles had made clear that he felt he should be the driver and that Riley wasn't driving fast enough. At the moment Giles seemed to see Riley's driving as the main obstacle in getting to Angelus. Riley feared that the ex-Watcher would get them in a wreck in his haste to confront the formerly souled vampire. 

Buffy had taken the seat behind Riley. He could see her in the rear view mirror, huddled against the window, a polished staked she'd referred to as Mr. Pointy clenched in her white knuckled hands. Her face was a blank mask but her eyes already grieved for the one they intended to kill. 

Spike sat beside her, practically twitching with repressed impatience. For the first time Riley felt intimidated by the hyperactive blond vampire. This wasn't Hostile 17, an escaped lab rat, or the Scoobies' pet neutered vampire. This was a master vampire who had killed two slayers. Riley didn't understand it but Spike was almost as eager to confront Angelus as Giles was. The blond was filled with a gleefully violent energy that was barely containable. 

Willow curled in Tara's embrace in the back seat, radiating a fear that even Adam had failed to generate in the slight witch. 

Riley had to admit to a certain degree of tension himself. Last spring, while his metabolism had still been altered to make him stronger and more impervious to pain, he'd fought the good version of Angel. Using all the skill and quite a bit of the equipment that the Initiative had given him, he'd taken on the souled vampire and he'd lost. Now he was going to face the evil version of the vampire, the one that had shaken the Scoobies to they're core and vary nearly sent the world to Hell. It wasn't a comforting scenario. 

Anya sat beside the two Wiccas, the only one in the car whose thoughts weren't focused on Angelus. Xander had been calling on a daily basis from LA but Anya didn't like him being alone there with his ex-girlfriend. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Twenty minutes after sunset the Slayer and her friends invaded the lobby of the Hyperion Hotel. 

"Where is he?" Giles demanded. He carried his crossbow with a frightening eagerness. 

"We've been attempting to ascertain that," Wesley said. "However we aren't even sure that Angel has actually lost his soul. Don't you think that you're over-reacting somewhat?" 

Wesley pointedly looked over the arms they carried; Riley, Giles and Willow all carried crossbows, Buffy had her stake and Spike was already in game face. 

In contrast Wesley and Cordelia had tranquilizer guns and crosses. Gunn had elected to stick with his sword, but had promised not to kill Angel out of hand. Xander clung grimly to a large cross, looking torn. 

"That Angel risked his soul tells me everything I need to know," Giles said coldly. "He doesn't deserve to exist." 

"Giles wait, you need to know the whole story," Xander protested. 

"I can't believe that you, of all people, would take his side," Giles snapped. 

At that moment Angel walked through the door whistling cheerfully, only to find himself the focus of eleven hostile glares and almost as many weapons. "What the Hell?" he exclaimed. Scanning the group arrayed against him, his eyes filled with hurt betrayal as they settled on Cordelia and the gun she held pointed at him. "Kathy? Why are you doing this?" he asked. 

Cordelia lowered her gun, sighing with relief. "It's okay, he's still Liam," she said. 

Wesley, Gunn and Xander relaxed at her pronouncement. Buffy and Willow turned to stare at the former May Queen in confusion. Giles, Riley and Spike remained focused on Angel to the exclusion of everything else. 

"How dare you?" Giles spat. 

"Who the hell are you?" Angel demanded, then turned to address Cordelia, Wesley and Xander. "Look, I'm sorry I ditched you guys last night. Jenny took me to her parent's vacation home on the beach, by the time I remembered the whole implode in sunlight thing it was already morning. I explained that I had a skin condition to Jenny, so she decided to keep me entertained till I could go out. What is going on?" 

"You have no right to behave like this," Giles said. "Your existence is only tolerated for Buffy's sake and to give you an opportunity to make reparations for your past. You aren't to live as human, you don't deserve that privilege." 

Angel's eyes sparkled with a hurt, sulky anger, as his posture took on a studied insolence that was totally foreign to the person they knew. 

"I'd like to hear one single reason why I shouldn't kill you," Giles demanded trigging his crossbow. 

The bolt embedded itself high in Angel's shoulder, the dark haired vampire gasped in pain. The others stared at the bolt then Giles in pure shock. 

Giles reloaded his crossbow with a smooth, practiced movement and leveled it at Angel's chest. "That is after I've tied you to a chair, broken every one of your finger and we've seen how creative I can be when it comes to torture," he said angrily. 

Angel prodded at the bolt in his shoulder with curious fingers. "As you wish Father," he replied by route, disrespect filling his voice more out of habit that intention. 

Furious Giles fired a second bolt just as Xander's hand closed on the crossbow, jerking it upwards. The bolt embedded itself harmlessly in the doorframe over Angel's head. 

"Enough," Xander said. "Angel doesn't remember loosing his soul the first time, let alone the time in school. So just stand down. We failed to explain the curse to him, but he still has his soul, so no harm no foul okay?" 

Gunn crossed the room to Angel. " So I'm guessing last night wasn't the thing fairy tales are made of, huh Soulful?" he said ripping Angel's shirt open around the bolt. He notched it with a pocketknife just behind the fletching. "Gotta say I'm glad perfect happiness wasn't on the menu." 

"Perfect happiness doesn't exist," Angel replied, gasping as Gunn broke the end of the bolt off. "Just distractions." 

"Glad to hear you say it," Gunn replied. "But cause another panic like today and I'll stake you just for aggravating me." 

With that Gunn shoved the remaining section of the bolt through Angel's shoulder and out of his back. Angel's eyes rolled up in his head as he passed out. 

"More changes," Gunn commented. "Soulful usually has a higher tolerance for pain." 

"You could have been gentler," Cordelia reprimanded him, bandaging the injury. "Oh damn, little Miss Model messed up his other bandages. Help me get him upstairs." 

"Why me?" Gunn asked. 

"Cause you made him pass out, that's why. I wonder what she thought of the autopsy scars. 

Once Angel was out of the room the tension level decreased markedly. 

Anya pulled Xander to one corner and said. "Angel isn't missing anymore so you're coming back to Sunnydale right?" 

"We still need to talk," Xander replied. 

"Well go talk, or better yet wait till Cordelia comes down here, then talk, then we go home," Anya instructed. 

"Anya, Angel's got amnesia, it wouldn't do me much good to try to have this talk now. Somehow the two of us are never on the same page. In Chicago he only knew part of the story, in Sunnydale I'm the one in the dark and making a complete jackass out of myself. Now he doesn't have a clue again. I gotta say it's starting to get a little frustrating," Xander said. 

"So forget it or call him once he's caught up," Anya suggested. 

"You could stay in LA with me," Xander said. "With Angel hurt they're a little short handed here, and it's not like I'm needed in Sunnydale. LA's a much bigger place, lots of jobs here I haven't been fired from yet." 

"Or you could work here," Wesley suggested. "I don't really have the authority to offer you a permanent position, but until Angel recovers enough to make that decision I'd welcome your presence. You were an asset on that last case." 

"Thanks Wes, I think I'll take you up on that. What do you say Anya?" Xander asked. 

"If you stay I stay, but if you're ex even thinks about trying to take you back I'll show what sort of vengeance I can manage as a human," Anya threatened. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Kathleen, why were you going to shoot me?" Angel asked Cordelia as she re-bandaged his chest. "Remember, you and me against the world. We swore we'd always take care of each other even if Father didn't want us." 

"I was trying to take care of you," Cordelia replied. "The gun was just a tranquilizer, it would have knocked you out, nothing more." 

"Why?" 

"Do you remember me saying you weren't like a normal vampire because of your soul? Well your soul is the result of this curse, which has this little clause that we didn't think to explain to you." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"I can't believe him," Buffy said to Willow and Tara. 

"Yeah Giles was really Ripper-like for a moment there. I thought he'd pretty much forgiven Angel," Willow replied. 

"No, Angel. From what they said he just picked-up some girl at a party and spent the night," Buffy said. "It's sort of, well, a Parker thing to do. God, I don't know if I should be more angry for him sleeping with some one and risking the curse breaking or for having sex that was so meaningless that the curse wasn't even an issue." 

"Try neither," Cordelia said joining the other three girls at the base of the stairs. "He didn't know about the curse or that he's supposed to be hopelessly in love with you, even if you're dating the solider-boy now. As for poor, badly used, Miss Model, well she got exactly what she was looking for out of last night. I don't like Angel acting like that either so I had a few things to say to him about it, and it turns out the she didn't bother to tell him her last name or to leave a number. Buffy, you're throwing stones from a glass house if you're just mad cause he did the casual sex thing. Or didn't you think we knew about that? Spike told us during the whole gem of Amara mess you put us through." 

"Liam isn't Angel, I'm not going to make the mistake of assuming that he is again. He isn't as mature, and he doesn't have anything to feel guilty about. He doesn't think about saving the world, just getting his father's approval. I think Liam's kind of shallow, but we know he has potential. I want our Angel back, I like him better, but I don't want to tell him all that stuff about the demon. There's got to be a way to get him to grow-up without putting him through all the self-loathing and guilt, it's not his fault Darla took his soul away," Cordelia said. "But Buffy, it's not your business anymore. Wesley and I can take care of Angel. I trust us not to fly off the handle and stake him without even considering alternatives." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Mr. Giles, may I speak with you," Wesley said guiding the older Watcher into the old manager's office adjoining the Hyperion lobby. 

"What is it?" 

"There's no clause on the curse is there?" Wesley asked quietly. 

"Of course there is, even you must have studied the events in the spring of '98 before being sent to the Hellmouth," Giles said. 

"Yes, the gypsies' original curse had a clause, but when I called you it never occurred to you that the curse might have actually broken. When you were screaming at Angel earlier, you never brought up the potential danger of his actions, just that he didn't deserve happiness," Wesley argued. "You were incensed by his lack of guilt, but you never even mentioned the clause." 

Giles glared at the other man, "Jenny removed the clause from the curse, made it a gift instead, and he killed her. Angel doesn't deserve to benefit from that." 

"But you were in favor of casting the spell?" Wesley said, confused. 

"As much as I hate Angel, I love Buffy more. I couldn't force her to kill her lover if there were another way," Giles replied. 

"But you could leave them believing that a relationship between the two of them was impossible," Wesley said. 

"He doesn't deserve her. In the long run she'll be better off without him," Giles explained. "It's all a moot point now isn't it, the Angel Buffy loved is gone now isn't he. Buffy has better sense than to love the imbecile he was two and a half centuries ago." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"And just when I was expecting a vary satisfying blood letting," Spike sighed, lighting a cigarette. 

"Smoking's bad for your health," Riley commented absently. 

"I'm dead, mate, my health isn't an issue," Spike replied. 

"Well I'm not, second hand smoke is bad too, put it out." 

Spike smiled and blew a lungful of smoke directly into Riley's face. "And it didn't even set off your bloody chip. Personally, I'd rather deck the halls with your entrails, but I'll settle for having you die of cancer. Well, until I find a more satisfying way of killing you anyway, or I'll just deface your grave when some demon manages to off you because the Slayer was too busy angsting about the Poof to save you." 

"Shut up" Riley said. 

"You know he's the one she loves," Spike said. "You'll never be better than second place. The only reason you're even in the running is because he hates himself too much to bother competing. How does it feel knowing that any day Angel could decide to come take what's his and the Slayer would walk right over your heart to get to him and she'd never even notice?" 

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	7. Old Grievances

**Old Grievances**

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

"Is it safe to come out?" Angel asked, stepping hesitantly into the Hyperion's lobby. "Is anybody going to shoot me?" 

"They've gone back to Sunnydale," Wesley replied. "Cordelia… Kathleen its at an audition, Xander needed to get some things from his apartment in Sunnydale, he'll be back in a few days. Anya, have you met Anya yet? She'll be staying here along with Xander." 

"And those were my friends?" Angel asked. "My Father always said my friends were trouble. Still the one that shot me actually reminded me of my father, he couldn't have been my friend." 

"He's not, you tortured him and killed his girlfriend," Anya commented. "Giles told us all about it when we heard you'd gone evil again." 

"I don't remember that," Angel's voice was strained. 

"I guess it was some sort of prelude to your trying to have the world sucked into Hell," Anya continued. "I suppose you were making up for lost time or something. Cramming a hundred years of chaos and destruction into four months. You know I never met you pre-curse, but I passed through Galway about two months after you rose. No one had gotten up the nerve to bury the bodies yet. Galway was a real ghost town, rotting bodies everywhere. I was impressed, a fledgling vampire who took out a whole town, your kind are usually much less ambitious." 

"You're lying, I didn't hurt anybody," Angel said angrily, jerking the door open then reeling back from the burning rays of the sun. 

"Angel!" Wesley called as the vampire hurried past him to the stairs. 

"I didn't kill them," Angel yelled, running up the stairs, the bang of his door slamming shut echoed down the hall. 

"Wow," Anya commented. "That was new, Spike likes reminiscing about slaughtering and maiming." 

"Spike is still soulless," Wesley said tersely. "He sees nothing wrong with what he's done." 

______________________________________________________________ 

Angel paced restlessly about his apartment, Anya's words stirred up ugly nightmares. 

Memories of nights with his friends that seemed like any other, staggering homeward drunkenly, singing, laughing. Only he wasn't drunk, he was watching them with a predator's eyes, soothing their fears when they remembered that he was supposed to be dead. Most didn't even question his presence, the scene was so familiar to them that it never occurred to their whiskey sodden brains that something was wrong. He remembered watching the game play out with dark satisfaction as they invited him into their homes. Then flashes of those same friends and their families lying dead, scattered about their homes like discarded dolls. 

"No," Angel groaned. "It's not true, it's not!" 

Kathy's face lighting up when she recognized him standing outside of her window. 

"Liam, you came back!" she had exclaimed. 

"I promised you I would. When have I not kept my promises to you?" 

"Are you an angel?" 

"Aye, sweet Kathy, your Angel. May I come in?" 

Slowly Angel collapsed to the floor, curling into a protective ball, eyes tightly closed, the heels of his hands pressed against them, trying to block the images out. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Angel, you wouldn't believe…" Cordelia began indignantly, bursting into Angel's rooms. Seeing him on the floor, curled into fetal position Cordelia forgot her aggravation at the stupidity of the people who she had auditioned for. 

"Angel, what happened, what's wrong?" Cordelia asked, dropping to her knees beside the distraught vampire. 

"Kathy?" Angel asked uncertainly, looking up at her, blood tears streaking his face. "My Kathy, you're alive," he said pulling Cordelia into a painfully powerful embrace. 

"Angel… Liam, ease up, you're going to leave bruises. It's okay. It's okay. Don't worry, I'm okay," Cordelia babbled nervously. 

Angel tangled his fingers in her hair; he buried his face against her shoulder, rocking her to the comforting rhythm of her heartbeat. Kathleen's living presence forced the nightmares back into the dark corner of his mind. Gradually he relaxed enough to allow Cordelia to slide out of his arms. Stubbornly Angel kept hold of her wrist, keeping his magic talisman near by. Kathleen was the proof that the nightmares were nothing more than nightmares. 

"You're okay now?" Cordelia asked. "You're not going to freak out on me or anything?" 

"I'm all right, just nightmares, nothing real," Angel replied. 

"Okay, that's good," Cordelia replied. "You can let go of me now." 

Reluctantly Angel released Cordelia's wrist. "I'm sorry." 

Cordelia examined the bloodstains Angel's tears had left on her shirt with a critical eye. "Buy me a new top and we're even," Cordelia suggested. 

"For cert's Kathy. I made a mess of your hair too. Here, let me fix it for you," Angel offered. "Remember when you were little, I used to comb your hair for you because Anna always pulled it?" 

"Uh, sure," Cordelia said, giving Angel a skeptical glance as she fished a comb out of her pocket book. 

Cordelia remembered her parent's maid, Consquela, impatiently jerking a brush through her hair when she'd been in grade school, mutter angrily about how this wasn't her job and why couldn't Cordelia's parents just take fifteen damn minutes to see that their daughter was ready for school. 

Angel took the comb and started at the bottom, carefully working the knots loose, his touch was hypnotically soothing to Cordelia and she found herself sitting perfectly still, eyes closed focusing on the sensation. "You're really good at this," she said, after a few minutes. "My mom never did this for me, just Consquela and she hated doing it. 

"Your mum was raised a lady," Angel said reprovingly. "She couldn't help being useless, but she loved you. She was even nice to me. Rachael had a kind soul, despite everything. She was too well bred to ever raise her voice to Father or laugh or play, and she was sick so often, it wasn't her fault. Still I wish you'd know my mother." 

"She was almost as much of an embarrassment to Father as I was, but he loved her anyway, at least for awhile. She could get the old bastard to laugh and have fun with us. He called her his beautiful, wild girl and they loved each other once. I can't see why she loved him but she did. She gave up everything she'd know to marry him." 

"What happened?" Cordelia asked. 

"Mum was showing me how to fly a kite, it got away from us, ended up tangled in a tree. Mum climbed up to get it back and a branch broke under her, she fell," Angel explained tonelessly. "Her family wouldn't take her back and the priest wouldn't bury her in the churchyard because she was a heathen. She tried so hard to be what Father wanted, she would go to church with him and I think she believed in God, but she couldn't stop believing in her family's gods as well. She would do little things by habit that told the priest she still believed in the Old Ones. He couldn't abide her, called her a corrupting influence. He said it was God's judgment on her as a pagan that the branch broke, that God had removed an evil from our village in taking her. I hated him so much." 

"How old were you?" Cordelia asked. 

"Eight," Angel replied. "If I'd been older I would have killed that self-righteous fraud for saying those things about her. I would have made him beg to die." 

"Enough Angel," Cordelia interrupted. "Please don't talk about wanting to kill people, it gives me the wiggins." 

A light knock at the door heralded Wesley's arrival. "Um, excuse me, we have a client." 

"Paying?" Cordelia asked. 

"Parents, their six year old son disappeared three nights ago. They found what appeared to be claw marks in the boy's room," Wesley replied. 

"Let's get to work," Cordelia said, standing up. When Angel didn't move to follow she said, "Come on, if you were healthy enough to freak everyone out with Miss Model, your healthy enough to do some work." 

"What do you want me to do?" Angel asked. 

"Come down stairs, listen to the clients, look all serious and broody, it makes them feel better. Then we all do research, find the demon, Wesley gets knocked around a little, you kill the demon, we take the kid back to his parents, then we get paid." Cordelia explained. 

"Sure," Angel replied. "I do this all the time right? And I get impaled on a regular basis." 

"You heal right up," Cordelia pointed out. 

"You're quite good at this kind of thing," Wesley added. 

"I'm not good at anything, excepting getting into trouble," Angel said. "This is real, a child's life is at stake, you don't want me involved." 

"Begging your pardon, Angel, but this is what you do, and there is no one I would rather work with," Wesley said. 

"Maybe your Angel does, but I'm not him," Angel insisted. 

"Then go fake it until you remember," Cordelia instructed. "I know you can do it and a little kid needs you." 

Angel stared into Cordelia's eyes for a long moment before sighing, "For you Kathleen, I'll try." 

Together the three of them headed down to the lobby and the concerned parents waiting there. 

"You have to call me Cordelia," the girl whispered to Angel as they descended the stairs. "And you're Angel." 

The couple sat together on the couch holding each other for support. 

"I promise we'll do everything possible to get your son back," Angel said, taking a seat across for the couple. Cordelia perched on the coffee table and Wesley pulled a chair up to join the circle. 

"You've already met Wesley," Cordelia said. "This is Angel, and I'm Cordelia. Could you tell up what happened?" 

"Richard LaCroy," The man introduced himself, "This is my wife, Debra. Something took our son, Tyler from his room three nights ago. We found claw marks scratched in the hardwood floor and these scales near the window, I thought maybe the creature scraped them off coming through it." 

LaCroy handed the fingernail sized purplish scales to Angel. With a hint of uncertainty the vampire rubbed the scales between his fingers. 

"These will be most useful," Wesley said, taking the scales from Angel. "We can almost certainly identify the demon from these, which will provide us with a probable habitat." 

"Thank you," Debra said softly, "You helped a friend of mine, Melissa Burns, she couldn't say enough about how much she appreciated your assistance." 

"Melissa Burns?" Wesley said questioningly. "I don't remember…" 

"The lady with the creepy-takes-his-body-apart-stalker," Cordelia exclaimed. "That was before your time Wesley." 

"Of course," Wesley replied. "We shall begin investigating your case immediately Mr. and Mrs. LaCroy. As soon as we have any information we'll contact you." 

"Thank you," Richard LaCroy repeated, as he and his wife left the hotel. 

"Demon database, here I come," Cordelia said. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Well I have it narrowed down to five species," Cordelia said. "A lesser draconian, a greater draconian, a sarcosie, a cleep or a jocnon." 

I doubt it was a greater draconian, they're simply too large to picture them clambering through windows," Wesley said. "And the jocnon is a slow moving creature, it catches its victims by setting traps not by hunting them down." 

"So that leaves the cleep, the lesser draconian and the sarcosie," Cordelia said. "The sarcosie has to remain near water, we could have Gunn's people scout the ocean fronts for demonic activities." 

"The cleep has fairly specialized feeding habits," Wesley said. "It consumes marble as a vital part of its diet. Cordelia, you can check with businesses that might sell marble. See if they've had any unusual customers lately. That leaves Angel and I with the task of locating a lesser draconian. Unlike the others, it has no obvious tells, I believe we should check Caritas' for any rumors." 

"What's that?" Angel asked. 

"Trust me, you'll love it," Wesley said. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"I don't know any of these songs," Angel commented. 

"You don't know them normally either," Wesley stated. 

"Even if you did, it still wouldn't be pretty," The Host remarked. "Just pick something, anything." 

"How 'bout I just sing something I know," Angel volunteered. 

"It would be novel," the green skinned demon remark, then took the stage. "Okay folks here's out good friend Angel, singing a song he actually knows." 

Angel took the mike without his normal reluctance. // "A match was made here last night, to a girl I neither loved nor liked."// Angel sang, his long forgotten brogue coloring his words. 

"He looks less miserable up there than usual," The Host commented. "Doesn't help the audience any, and the static hurts more than his normal embarrassment." 

//"But I'll take my own advice and leave here tonight to rove the wide world over,"// Angel continued. 

When the song was finished Angel rejoined Wesley and the Host. "You still can't sing, but an A for effort," The host said. 

"Normally I only sing when I'm too drunk to realize how bad I sound," Angel replied with a grin. 

"I didn't get anything about your case," The Host said regretfully. "But a word of advice, you can't unmake what's gone before, and if you don't stop trying it's going to screw you up royally. You're not that boy anymore, Angel." 

______________________________________________________________ 

Cordelia glanced around at the glum gathering in the Hyperion's lobby with a smug smile. "We have someone ordering a whole bunch of cleep munchies," she announced. "And an address where they're being shipped to." 

"Excellent Cordelia," Wesley exclaimed. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"It's empty," Angel reported as he and Gunn returned to the car after checking out Cordelia's address. 

"Oh dear," Wesley said fiddling awkwardly with his glasses. 

"Could be a drop point," Gunn suggested. "If so, our boy's probably close." 

"So do we split up or check the surrounding buildings as a group?" Cordelia asked. 

"Time may be of the essence," Wesley said. "However, we should regroup before moving on our target." 

"Each of us takes a different street," Gunn said. "We meet back at the car in fifteen minutes, if it's no luck all around we move the car a few blocks and start again." 

______________________________________________________________ 

After two hours of searching, Wesley spotted both the boy and the cleep in a run-down office building. He hurried back to the car and waited impatiently for the others to return. 

Cordelia arrived shortly before the agreed upon time, Gunn shortly after. 

"It was an office building," Wesley said. "Tyler LaCroy was looking out a fourth story window in the north-east corner of the building, the cleep was prowling about the ground floor. I'm still not certain what a cleep would want with a child, but I'm loath to delay. Where is Angel?" 

"Late," Gunn said irritably. "Well at least the kid's out of the line of fire when we attack." 

"So we're doing the all out frontal assault thing?" Cordelia asked. 

"No, the kid's the priority," Gunn replied. "You see any way we could by-pass the demon, Wes?" 

"The building had a fire escape, but the ladder was removed from the ground level landing." 

"Could the kid make it down if we use the car as a step?" Gunn asked. 

"Yes, I believe so," Wesley replied. 

"Well we have our plan," Gunn said. "As soon as Angel gets his butt back here, the two of us go through the front door and hit the cleep. Meanwhile, you two get the kid then pull back." 

"It sounds like a workable plan," Wesley confirmed. 

Twenty minutes after the deadline, with still no sign of Angel, Wesley and Gunn decided that they would go after the demon while Cordelia rescued the boy on her own. They'd worry about Angel after they'd rescued Tyler. 

"Best of Luck" Wesley said as Cordelia scrambled from the hood of the car to the second story landing of the building. 

"Go kick some demon ass," Cordy called back down as she started up the rickety metal staircase. 

As soon as Cordelia was on her way, Wesley and Gunn headed for the front door. 

Cordelia broke a fourth story window and gingerly slipped into the building. 

_____________________________________________________________ 

"What do you want?" the cleep growled as Wesley and Gunn squared off against it. 

"We came for the boy," Wesley proclaimed. 

"Get your own sacrifice," the demon said. "The boy's mine." 

"Enough blabber," Gunn said disgustedly. "Let's just kill the thing." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Tyler!" Cordelia called softly, peering down the dimly lit hall. 

______________________________________________________________ 

The cleep charged the two men with a bellow, Gunn nimbly ducked under its outstretched claws and brought his sword around to land a blow against the cleep's unprotected back, only to have the sword bounce harmlessly off it's scaly armor. 

The cleep ripped Wesley's ax from his hands and smashed a ridged fist into the ex-Watcher's face. Wesley dropped to the floor in a daze as the cleep turned to deal with Gunn. 

_____________________________________________________________ 

"Tyler," Cordelia said in relief, spotting the small boy huddled in the corner of the room. "You wanna go home?" she asked holding out her hand to the dark haired child. 

"I want my mom and dad," Tyler cried. 

"They sent me to get you," Cordelia said. "Or you could stay here and wait for the next rescuer to come along." 

Tyler reached out and took the proffered hand. "There's a monster downstairs," the boy confided. 

"Which is why we're leaving by the window," Cordelia replied. 

______________________________________________________________ 

As the cleep turned toward Gunn, Wesley lunged forward and grabbed its ankle. 

The cleep toppled to the ground and Gunn lunged forward, driving the point of his sword through the creature by leaning his weight onto the pommel. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Cordelia lay on her stomach on the last landing of the fire escape, using both hands to lower Tyler down to the hood of Angel's car. 

Wesley, returning from the fight with the cleep, reached up to take the boy from Cordelia. 

"You took care of the cleep?" Cordelia asked. 

"Killed him dead," Gunn replied. 

"See Tyler, no fears about monsters," Cordelia said sitting on the edge to the landing. Gunn climbed onto the car to lift her down. "So what now?" she asked. 

"Someone takes Tyler home, the other two will go look for Angel," Wesley said. 

"I'm not a babysitting service," Gunn said. 

"Okay, I'll take Tyler," Cordelia said. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Cordelia was sitting in the lobby four hours later when Wesley staggered through the door supporting Angel. 

"What happened?" Cordelia asked standing up. "Is he hurt?" 

"He's drunk," Wesley said dropping Angel on to the couch. 

"Oh come on, this is Angel we're talking about. Maybe it's a spell or something," Cordelia said leaning over the pasted out vampire. "Okay he's drunk," she admitted gagging. "I'm getting loaded just off the fumes." 

"We might as well go home," Wesley stated. "There's no point in talking to him until he's slept it off." 

______________________________________________________________ 

Angel woke up still on the couch in the lobby. Cordelia and Wesley were sitting on the other side of the table waiting for him. 

"Hey guys," Angel said groggily. 

"Good morning Liam, Tyler LaCroy is back with his parents, the cleep was destroyed and none of us are dead… no thanks to you," Wesley said. 

"Doesn't look like you needed me then," Angel replied. 

"That is hardly the point," Wesley said coldly. "We were counting on you." 

"Then you're insane, no one depends on me," Angel said. 

"Given your current behavior I can certainly see why," said Wesley angrily. "I know you can be better than this. Who ever you were Liam, you have the potential to become someone whom I respect. When you're ready to try to be the person you were, contact me, until then I'll be going back to solo demon hunting." 

Angel watched numbly as Wesley walked out. "Kathy, I'm sorry," he said turning to Cordelia. 

"Don't talk to me right now Liam," Cordelia said. "I trusted you and you flaked on me major big time. I'm going home, we'll talk when I have control over this incredible desire I have to dump a bucket of holy water on you." 

"I'll make it up to you Kathy," Angel promised. 

"I don't think you can," Cordelia replied, stepping through the sunlit doorway. 

Angel caught her arm. "Please Kathy, don't leave," he begged. 

"Let me go," Cordelia said coolly. 

"I need you," Angel said, not releasing her arm. 

Cordelia took a small cross from her pocket and pressed it onto Angel's hand, when he jerked back in pain she turned and walked out. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Are you an Angel?" Kathy asked. 

"Invite me in," the two-week-old vampire demanded. 

"Meet me at the kitchen door," Kathy instructed. 

When Kathy saw her older brother's form rounding the corner she abandoned the safety of the house with a happy squeal. Without hesitation the girl threw herself into his arms. "They said you were gone forever" Kathy whispered, clinging to him with all her strength. 

"Invite me in Kathy." 

"Of course you can come in silly," Kathy reprimanded him. "You live here." 

"Just what I wanted to hear," the vampire replied, wrapping his fist in her hair and jerking her head to the side. 

"Liam, you're hurting me," Kathy protested. 

"You asked if I were an Angel," he said. "And I am, a fallen one." 

"Li?" Kathy whimpered using her baby name for him as the vampire's fangs sank into her throat. He could taste confusion and betrayal and love in her blood, in only a few minutes her body hung limp in his arms, an empty shell. 

The vampire walked into his former home, carelessly dropping his sister's body as he moved on to the night's main event. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Angel grabbed the phone, his hands shaking as the memories washed over him. Kathleen had taught him the right combination of numbers to reach her. 

He sighed with relief as her voice fill the line, pushing back the memories. "Kathy, I'm sorry, please come back," Angel begged. 

"Please leave a message after the beep," Cordelia's voice instructed. 

"I don't understand," Angel said, then jerked the phone away from his ear as a loud, obnoxious buzzing assaulted his ears. "Kathy?" 

Only silence answered his questions. 

After several minutes of pleading for Kathleen to talk to him Angel dropped the phone. 

Concentrating he immersed himself in older, happier memories of his sister. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Li!" Kathy screamed happily, the three year-old stretched her tiny hands up to him. 

With a grin the fifteen-year-old scooped up his baby sister. "Good day to you my sweet Kathy," Liam said. 

"Oh Liam, you're always so good with her," Kathy's mother, Rachael sighed. "She's been so exuberant all day and Margot's had her hands full preparing for your father's associates tonight. I swear I was never so rambunctious when I was her age." 

Kathy tugged at Liam's shoulder length hair, demanding her rightful share of her brother's attention. 

"What is it, Kat?" Liam asked. 

"Saw a mousy!" Kathy exclaimed. 

"Did ya now? Did ya pounce on it, my little Kat?" Liam asked. 

"I'm not a cat," Kathy protested seriously. 

"She chased it all over the house," Rachael said. "Even stuck her hand in its nasty nest in the wall. I haven't been able to turn my back on her for a minute. I need to dress for company, Liam would you be a dear and watch her for a few hours?" 

"Of course Rachael," Liam replied. His father wanted him to call her Mother, but Liam wouldn't do that. Rachael never minded, she wasn't his mother after all. His father might want to forget that Rachael was only a replacement, but Liam wouldn't. 

"Wanted to pet the mousy," Kathy pouted. "It ranned away." 

"Mousies have nasty fur," Liam told the girl seriously. "He was most likely ashamed to have you compare his coat to Mr. Samuel's" 

Kathy's face lit up at the mention of the big tomcat that hunted the barn. "Kitty!" she demanded. 

Why did I bring up the cat, Liam wondered. He knew he'd be a mess and probably sporting a few scratches by the time he'd captured the bad tempered tom for Kathy's pleasure. With company expected, Liam knew what his father's response would be if he were less than presentable. 

"Please, kitty?" Kathy requested prettily. 

"Aye, I'll get you the kitty," Liam promised. He was do for a whipping anyway on account of his poor performance on his lessons, he might as well go for broke. It wasn't as if he ever pleased his father. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"You told me I was nothing and I believed you. You said I'd never amount to anything. Well you were wrong," the young vampire said, allowing the change to come over his features. "You see Father, I have made something of myself after all." 

______________________________________________________________ 

His father had tasted of fury and grief and terror, Angel remembered, but not love or betrayed trust that had been only Kathy. 

"No, it didn't happen," Angel insisted. "Kathleen's well and here and angry with me." 

"What's happened to my darling boy?" a slight blond woman asked, entering the lobby. 

"Who are you?" Angel asked. 

"Who am I?" the blond purred. "You've forgotten Darla? You're sire? Maybe the lawyers should have given Danny more credit, or was it the detective that's done this to you?" 

A flash of memory showed Angel this woman, standing in the pool of light cast by a street lamp, her long hair piled in a mass of ringlets on her head, wearing an old fashion dress, glancing over her shoulder beckoningly. 

"I don't know you," Angel insisted. 

"We'll just have to become reacquainted," Darla said resting a delicate hand on his chest. "This could be fun." 

Despite the woman's desirability Angel found himself flinching away from her touch. Somehow this woman, Darla, called to all the ugly, half-remembered nightmares he'd experienced since awaking in this time. The scent of death and blood clung to her like a perfume. 

"You're afraid of it," Darla said, pressing against him. "You don't know how to control it anymore, so you've locked it away. It's nothing to fear, it will make you glorious. Just let it free, the darkness will take all your fears, all your doubt, all your pain." 

"It's evil," Angel protested backing away from Darla. 

"You always make things so difficult," Darla sighed, pulling a dart gun from her bag and firing it at Angel. As the vampire collapsed Darla leaned out the door and waved for her confederates to help her move Angel's unconscious body to the van. 

As she turned to follow the two men out, Darla noticed the phone still off its hook, absently she hung it back up. 

Note: The song Angel sings is "My true love" by Irish Heartbeat. 

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	8. Captured By a Memory

**Captured by a Memory**

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

Cordelia noticed the message light blinking on her answering machine; excitedly she pressed the play button. 

"Kathleen," Angel's recorded voice plead, irritably Cordelia his the skip button and turned away. 

Behind her the play button depressed itself again, restarting the message. "I can't deal with him right now, Phantom Dennis," Cordelia stated, cutting off Angel's voice again. 

Cordelia's ghostly roommate started the message a third time. "What! You side with him just because you're both dead?" Cordelia snapped stopping the message again. 

Insistently Dennis pressed play once more. "Arrg!!" Cordelia exclaimed hitting erase on her answering machine. "I told you not now Dennis!" 

Cordelia's radio turned on and tuned itself to a dark mournful song. 

"I'll go check on him tomorrow," Cordelia promised. "But I just can't deal with him now, okay Dennis?" 

After an hour of doors slamming, funeral music being played on her radio and finally having the hot water cut off in her shower, Cordelia resentfully decided to go check on Angel. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Angel woke slowly. His arms ached. He was chained to the wall behind him he realized. Groggily he stood, taking his weight off his arms. 

The room he found himself in was pitch black, even vampiric eyesight couldn't pierce the darkness. The air smelled sterile, recycled. He couldn't hear any sounds. 

"What do you want with me?" Angel yelled. Not even an echo answered him. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Sensory deprivation, an interesting choice," Lindsey commented. 

"I took the distractions he fills his head with away," Darla replied. "I left Angel without his normal protections from what's in his mind. He said I couldn't make him happy, that I was incapable of freeing him of his soul. Maybe he's right; in that case I'll just have to destroy it. To that end I thought I'd give him some uninterrupted quality time with my greatest ally." 

"And who's that?" Lindsey asked. 

"His own nature. What ever Angel chooses to pretend, he is still a vampire. My boy still exists. Angelus may be constrained by his soul, but he's still there. All those dark lovely desires are still there, waiting to come out and play." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Angel!" Cordelia yelled, pounding on the dark haired vampire's door. 

Sleepily Anya poked her head out of a room several doors down. "He's not in, so cut it out. I want to sleep." 

"Where is Angel?" Cordelia demanded. 

"He was gone when I got back from meeting Xander at the bus stop. How should I know," the ex-demon replied. 

"Angel's in trouble again?" Xander asked, joining Anya and Cordelia at the door. 

Cordelia took in Xander and Anya's sleeping arrangements with a look of irritation. "He's probably just drunk again, or with a girl," she said. "When did you get back?" 

"Around five," Xander replied. 

"Arrrg, I'm going to strangle him!" Cordelia yelled. "He promised he wouldn't go into the tunnels until his memories came back. He's going to get lost or hurt. Why couldn't he just stay put?" 

"Isn't it the side-kicks who are supposed to be in constant need of rescuing?" Xander asked. 

"Maybe he hasn't gotten over hanging out with Buffy yet," Cordelia remarked. "Lets go save him. I'll call Wesley and Gunn." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Hello Angelus," Darla said opening the door to Angel's cell. The vampire shied back at the sudden influx of light. 

"What do you want with me?" Angel asked. 

"I want my boy back," Darla said, approaching Angel. "I want you." Placing her hand on Angel's shoulders the slight blond rose on tiptoe to kiss him. Aggressing she forced her tongue between his lips. 

The warmth of her body was all wrong; Darla was supposed to be cool, dead, like him. Angel could feel the blood pulsing through her veins, it made him want to bite her. 

Darla unbuttoned his shirt and scratched her nails over is bared chest, leaving thin red welts across his pale skin. 

Angel couldn't deny that he knew this, knew her, her scent, her taste, her touch, all so familiar. 

It was like a dam breaking in his mind, Darla and carnage and blood. Having sex with her amid wars and natural disasters, screams echoing around them. Licking their victim's still warm blood from each other's bodies. A woman crying out in nonsensical phrases, her voice filled with horror as they fucked practically on top of her. Blood and death and chaos. 

As the memories came Angel's arousal turned to nausea. "Oh god, I'm gonna throw up," Angel muttered, his head banging against the wall as he jerked back from Darla. 

Darla stepped away and watched in fury as Angel doubled over as much as the chains would allow, gagging and choking. Once he'd emptied his stomach, Darla punched hi as hard as she could then turned and walked out, shutting Angel in the dark and the silence with his memories of soullessness. 

______________________________________________________________ 

We'll scout the tunnels," Wesley said. "A few hours before dawn we should check the jail as well. Given Angel's recent behavior he may end up arrested for drunkenness. We have to be sure he's not trapped without adequate shelter from the sun." 

"We should check near any bars he could have walked to," Xander added. "I've seen Spike passed out drunk, if Angel makes that level it won't matter if he's trapped or not, he could die before he's coherent enough to look for shelter." 

"Excellent idea," Wesley replied. 

"When we find him, we're getting the old Angel back," Cordelia stated. "I don't care how we do it, magic, have him read the Watcher's diaries, bring Spike back for a memory lane thing or just beat him over the head till he remembers, I don't care, but I'm not doing this again." 

"Agreed," Wesley said. "But first we have to get him back." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"I remember Angel was bothered by memories of our victims screams," Darla said. 

"We could pipe some in for him," Lindsey replied. 

"Yes, that would be nice. Add some fresh blood to the room as well, scent is supposedly the sense most directly linked to memory," Darla commented. 

"Darla, you do remember that we want him soulless, not completely insane," Lindsey said. "Another Drucillia wouldn't suit our purposes." 

"Dru was human when Angelus began his games with her, Angel isn't," Darla remarked. "There's already a demon in him. The part of Angel that we both want will revel in these memories, the rest will wither and die." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"I'm growing bored," Darla pouted. 

Her newest child smiled charmingly at her, that smile had won him invitations to more than one house in the village. Even Peggie, the barmaid who'd sworn not a week before Liam's death that she never wanted to see him again had sleepily granted the fledgling vampire access to her bedroom when he'd come tapping at her window in the dead of night. Like all the others she'd written off his visitation as a dream or a drunken hallucination. 

"I intend to have them all," the creature that had been Liam said. "The whole village." 

"Not every family has a drunkard or an impressionable young thing smitten with your charms," Darla said. "You have more than enough invitations." 

"Patience, we've only a dozen houses left, and those invitations will be quite entertaining to obtain." The young vampire grinned maliciously as he thought of how he intended to gather those last few invitations. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Angel hung limply against the chains, the pain in his arms forgotten in the horrifying knowledge that the nightmares were truly memories. 

Remembering the gleeful inventiveness he'd employed to obtain those final twelve invitations. It had been a game, finding out just what the human body could withstand. All of them had quickly been over come with terror and pain. The old priest had lasted the longest, inviting the demon into his household after a half-hour of torture. Their acquiescence hadn't spared them any pain though. 

The demon Liam had become had tortured each and every one of them to the death, because he'd enjoyed it. Angel could remember enjoying it, even as the memories turned his stomach. 

The sounds of screams and the smell of blood permeating the cell set the stage for the remaindered of his life in Galway. 

______________________________________________________________ 

The two-week-old vampire prowled through the shadows of Galway, a contented smirk turning his beautiful face into something frightful. He didn't even need the glowing eyes and sharp fangs o show the monster hidden in his body, that smiled showed what he had become without assistance. 

Everywhere he went he over heard talk of his deeds. For the last three days the people of Galway had been finding parts of his victims. They were terrified and he hadn't even started yet. There wasn't a structure within ten miles that he couldn't enter. They had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, and they had no clue of what was to come. Now was his time. 

Throwing off his cloak, the young vampire strode boldly through the town. He could feel Darla, his sire and lover, watching him. Pride and a sense of awe filled her gaze; he was more than she'd ever dreamed. 

He loved the way she looked at him. Never once had he even seen acceptance, let alone pride in his mortal Father's eyes, but the things he'd had no hope of winning from his father, Darla gave him unstintingly. In her eyes he was not a "terrible disappointment," to Darla he was a success beyond her wildest dreams. The pretty, wastrel boy had become a vicious, cunning killer without peer. 

The demon had purged every trace of humanity from him leaving behind a creature of pure evil, and he'd decided Galway would pay for knowing he'd ever been a loathsome, pathetic, abused, unhappy human, for knowing he'd been weak. 

Tonight they began paying. He walked to the tavern, unmindful of who saw him. He didn't care who recognized their destroyer now. 

He moved through the tavern with an inhuman speed, slaughtering all those who gathered there, painting the walls with the blood he couldn't drink. 

Afterwards he walked through the village, selecting houses at random and killing all who dwelled there. Toward dawn he retreated, leaving the people of Galway to awake and discover the horror their lives had become. 

He and Darla passed the day in a blissful haze of sex, utterly gorged on blood. 

When the setting sun had freed the two vampires of they're shelter, he'd decided to visit his old home before picking up where he'd left off. 

All told, it had taken four days, but when Darla and the blasphemously christened Angelus had left Galway, not a soul had remained alive to tell the tail. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"You guys aren't actually that good at being detectives are you?" Anya commented. "I mean you can't even find your boss." 

"We usually have clients or visions to get clues from," Cordelia replied tartly. 

"Well you'd have clues if you hadn't erased the phone message Angel sent you," Anya pointed out. 

"You didn't need to bring that up," Xander said, noting the misery in Cordelia's eyes. 

"Dennis wanted me to listen to it, if I'd just paid attention," Cordelia said. "But I was just so mad at Angel." 

"Dennis heard the message!" Wesley said a look of realization on his face. 

"But he can't talk," Cordelia said. 

"However he can move things," Wesley replied. 

"Oh! We could get him one of those owie boards," Cordelia exclaimed. 

"Ouji Boards, and yes that would be the traditional method, but I was actually thinking of getting him one of those refrigerator poetry sets, they're much cheaper." 

"Alright lets do it," Xander said. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Crack!… Crack!… Crack!… Angel's head banged back against the wall with a rhythmic intensity. The pain radiating from the back of his skull was a welcome distraction from the memories trickling into his consciousness, a constant inescapable stream of horrors filling his mind. 

Unconsciousness would be a blessed escape, but he couldn't get the leverage to bash his head into the wall hard enough to win release. Still the pain was a distraction. 

He could focus on the thin streams of blood working their way along his scalp, the lines of pain radiating from the impact point, the faint grating of bone against bone where he'd managed to fracture his skull before they'd shortened the chains. All were preferable to remembering. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Wesley, Cordelia, and Xander clustered around Cordelia's table, staring intently at the shifting pile of magnetic words, waiting nervously for Dennis to find the words he needed. Anya wandered about the apartment, poking into Cordelia's things. 

The word "Taken" separated itself from the pile then "Soul," The trio stared at the two words Dennis had set aside in horror. "Not this again!" Cordelia exclaimed. "It's getting old." 

"Want" was put to the side with an "s". Dennis picked up the word "Darling" and examined it for a few moments before adding it to his selected words with a letter "a", Cordelia spotted the word "Angel" and offered it to Dennis, he took it eagerly. 

Then the pile of words was shoved aside, the ones Dennis selected arranged themselves into sentences. 

"Darling took Angel," Cordelia read. "What?" Then Dennis dropped the letter "a" on top of the word "Darling". 

"Darla took Angel," Wesley corrected. "Wants soul," he finished reading the rest of Dennis' message. 

"Okay, who's surprised?" Xander asked. 

"Well we've found Darla before," Cordelia said. 

______________________________________________________________ 

He couldn't stay here, Angel thought hysterically. Not in this place with only his memories and occasional visits from his tormentor, he had to get out. 

Angel pulled against the manacles. They were solidly cemented into the wall, no give there. He pulled again, harder; the bones in his hands grated together, cuts reopened were the metal pressed against the side of his hands. Pain didn't matter, pain was good, it kept him from thinking. He had to get free, Angel thought, continuing to pull against the chains with all his strength. He screamed as flesh and bone gave way beneath the pressure, allowing him to fall to his knees. 

"Escape, escape, escape," The word echoed through his mind, every thought focused on that goal. When the door cracked open several hours later Angel didn't hesitate, he pulled Darla against his chest, wrapping one arm around her throat, cutting off her air. Darla struggled against him, but her human strength didn't make an impact. 

Carrying her with him, Angel moved thought the halls warily. 

"I know you won't kill her," Lindsey said, confronting Angel. 

The dark haired vampire snarled, tightening his grip on Darla. 

"She has a soul now," Lindsey said. "Darla is human, she has a second chance. You wouldn't want to take that from her would you?" 

"I want out," Angel growled. 

"Okay, I can see that," Lindsey said in an eminently reasonable tone of voice. 

"Now!" Angel demanded. 

"Will you return Darla unharmed?" Lindsey asked. 

The deep rumbling growl that answered him startled Lindsey. "The exit's this way," he said. 

Lindsey led Angel to an entrance to the tunnels below Wolfram and Hart. "We try to accommodate all our clients' needs," he commented. 

Angel threw Darla to him then vanished into the tunnels below the city. 

"Why did you let him go?" Darla rasped angrily. 

"Too much risk," Lindsey replied. "We'll have another chance at Angel." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Your problems are solved," Gunn announced when Cordelia answered the phone. "One of the guys picked-up Angel wandering around the tunnels. You got lucky, it was one of the ones who knows our friendly vampire, most of my team stake first and ask question never." 

"Is he okay?" Cordelia asked. 

"Banged up around the edges, pretty shook up, but hey, he was on his feet," Gunn replied. "I'll bring him by after sunset." 

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	9. Reclaiming the Past

**Reclaiming the Past**

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

"Angel's self-confidence is totally shot. He utterly despises himself. He wakes up screaming more than once a night because of nightmares. He thinks he's completely useless and a failure, so he doesn't even try to accomplish anything." Cordelia summed up the situation. "So I think you two are the most qualified to fix him." 

Xander and Wesley looked at each other uncertainly, then back at Cordelia. "How did you come to that conclusion?" Wesley asked. 

"You guys were total losers once, and while you've still got a long way to go, you're not anymore," Cordelia explained. 

"That's the Queen C version of a compliment," Xander whispered loudly. 

"It's a statement of fact," Cordelia said. "I'm going to sit with Angel for awhile, you know he gets all weird when we leave him alone too long." 

Watching Cordelia walk u the stairs Wesley said, "She's right you know, before joining Angel in LA, I did very little good. In Sunnydale I was unneeded, actually a liability more than once. Angel gave me a place, trusted me with responsibilities, he gave me a chance to prove myself. I owe him." 

"Speak for yourself," Xander said. "But I do owe Angel for helping me in Chicago, so count me in." 

"Actually, your experience in Chicago may be exactly what we need to help Angel to take the next step forward," Wesley said. 

"I don't follow," Xander replied. 

"Angel's injuries took him back to his human life, through the person of his younger sister, for whom Cordelia served as a proxy. Darla was the connection between the ending of Angel's human life and his becoming a vampire. Because of his soul's presence, reclaiming Angelus' memories brought him to the point when he regained his soul for the first time. You met him in 1920, not long after he regained his soul. You are the next link, the one who can help him remember how to live with the memories of his actions while soulless." 

"Not me," Xander said. "At best, I gave him a push in the right direction. Donnely was the friend who probably brought him back into contact with humans. That guy was determined to see that Angel was okay, I came back to my own time before I'd done Angel much good." 

"This Donnely is quite probably dead," Wesley said. "Couldn't you be him for Angel, like Cordelia took Kathleen's place?" 

"Angel doesn't think of me as a friend," Xander protested. 

"While he and Cordelia developed a sibling relationship sometime after meeting up in LA," Wesley finished. "Perhaps if you tell him about Donnely?" 

"Donnely was a lieutenant in the first world war. His family was Irish. He was the first person Angel ever rescued. He helped Angel get to the US and still wanted to be a friend even after he found out about Angel being a vampire," Xander said. "That's all I know about him. I don't think that it's enough to do any good. Oh and he used to call Angel Angie." 

"It's a starting point," Wesley said. "Enough information to start researching." 

______________________________________________________________ 

Cordelia sat beside Angel, discretely checking his hands for any additional burns. When Gunn had brought him back the souled vampire had been clinging desperately to a small cross, completely disregarding the damage it was doing to his already shattered hands, quietly reciting the Lord's Prayer over and over again. Gunn said he'd been like that for hours. 

Cordelia had managed to persuade him to give up the cross and to feed, but when she left him alone for any length of time Angel would go back to reciting prayers, slipping between English, Latin and Gaelic without realizing it. Cordelia was the only thing outside of his own mind that could catch and hold his interest. He would watch her with a confused curiosity, but he didn't say anything, not even to her. 

Within minutes of her entering the room, Angel's soft murmuring stumbled to a halt. 

"You're not her are you?" Angel asked after almost a half hour of silence. "I really killed Kathleen, didn't I?" 

"It was way before my time," Cordelia replied, restraining her impulse to squeal gleefully over the fact that Angel was actually talking to someone. 

Angel stared at her with a grim look that told Cordelia that her answer hadn't been good enough. 

Cordelia sighed, the last thing she wanted to do was push him completely over the edge, but she wouldn't lie or soft-pedal the truth. Her parents had lied all the time, about everything and look what it had gotten them. Lies always came out, not just the big ones like the lies they'd told to the IRS, the little lies came out too. Cordelia remembered all the lies her parents told her to explain why they couldn't take the time to do things with her, she'd found out the truth, eventually. That was why Cordelia never lied, not even in the name of being tactful, the lies only made the truth hurt worse when it did come out. 

On the other hand, this wasn't a case of protecting someone's ego cause they just couldn't see that orange wasn't their color. This was about protecting Angel who tended toward depression on a good day, from the knowledge that he had murdered someone he loved. 

"He will find out," Cordelia reminded herself sternly. "And at least this way if he goes all suicidal I'm here to stop him." 

"You probably did," she said. "It's what vampires do, they kill people and your psycho protégé, Penn, had a real thing about family blood, you probably taught him that since the guy hadn't had an original thought in two centuries. The thing is, you didn't have a soul then, there was nothing to stop the demon from running riot. Now that you've got your soul back you're a good person, you help people, you've changed. Angel please don't get so fixated on wallowing in self-hatred about all the bad stuff you did that you forget that you can and are making up for it." 

"I don't know how to help people," Angel said. "All I remember is how to destroy them." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Alright, we've discovered that Lt. Kevin Donnely was born in 1897, in Chicago, to parents of Irish decent. He was drafted in 1917 and sent to the European Theater of World War I. Several months after arriving in France, he broke his leg during a charge; the shifting front lines placed him in German territory. Angel found him there and brought him to an Allied medical station. Donnely originally claimed alternately that an angel or a member of the Sidhe had rescued him. He was slated for psychological review until Angel showed up again and explained that Donnely had been confused by his name," Wesley reported. 

"What's a Sidhe?" Xander asked. 

"An elf, in Irish mythology," Wesley replied absently. "After that there were several reports filed mentioning Angel. There was apparently a great deal of curiosity regarding him. He acted as a medic for the remainder of the war. One commander attempted to have Angel awarded a metal for his actions despite the fact that Angel had no formal allegiance to any army. In 1918 the war ended. Donnely returned to his home in Chicago and Angel disappeared." 

"Angel went to Chicago too," Xander added. "Donnely helped him stow-away on one of the returning troop carriers. He really thought Angel was an elf? Isn't Angel kind of big to be an elf?" 

"After years of associating with the Slayer and a Watcher, it's appalling how Disney-ifed your notions of the supernatural are," Wesley commented. 

"Okay, I'll take that to mean elves aren't particularly small or fond of green clothing," Xander replied. 

"In 1923 Kevin Donnely married Laura Keys, one of the official witnesses to the wedding was one Angelus Jones. That makes it probable that Angel severed as Donnely's best man in the ceremony. The Donnelys had a daughter, Shannon, approximately a year later. Both Kevin and Laura Donnely died in 1930. Laura of an undetermined illness a week after Kevin was killed during a botched robbery attempt. There was no mention of Angel beyond his signature on the marriage documents, nor could I find anything further about Shannon Donnely." 

"I guess that means Angel took my advice about letting Donnely be a friend," Xander commented. 

"It would appear so, I also retrieved a picture of Lt. Donnely. Hopefully this will be enough to spark Angel's memory," Wesley said. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Angel held the picture of the young army lieutenant carefully as he listened to Xander recite a list of facts and dates about the man. Flashes of memory filled in the gaps between Xander's dry facts and scanty suppositions. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Stay away demon!" The solider screamed in pain and terror, blood flecked his lips as he spoke. The man would be dead in an hour. Nothing could change that. 

Angelus moved closer to the fallen solider, trying to shut out his conscious' protests. The blood was still live, incredibly desirable and he was doing nothing wrong, the man was dead regardless of whether or not the vampire fed off him. It didn't stop Angelus from feeling guilt. 

The man's terrified screams as Angelus sank his fangs into the soldier's jugular vein were a torturous reminder of his past. "But then what wasn't?" Angelus wondered. The last nineteen years had been a never-ending nightmare of guilt, regret and futile attempts to adapt to what the gypsies had done to him. 

After a few moments the soldier's screams quieted and he became still in the vampire's arms. Angelus carefully laid his victim out, straightening his limbs, closing his staring eyes, paying respect to the dead man as best as he was able. 

The battlefield was relatively quiet for the moment, explosions and gunfire were miles distant and in the stillness Angelus heard a frightened plea. "Ag Cabhru, Danann," Angelus' startled mind automatically translated the plea to the goddess Dana for help. 

Curious, the vampire began looking for the source of the plea. He hadn't heard anyone mention Dana since his mother's death more than a century and a half-ago. 

A young American solider with the bones of his lower leg protruding from his shin was still repeating his plea for help with Angelus located him a few minutes later. "Ta tu gortaigh ," Angelus said, awkwardly in long unused Gaelic, "Nu bog ." 

"Ag Cabhru ?" The man asked uncertainly. 

"Ag Cabhru ," Angelus agreed inspecting the man's injury. He could probably set the bones, he'd done it before when one of William's adventures had led to injuries in Angelus' family, it wasn't as if they could go to a doctor. 

"Angelus is ainm dom ," the vampire introduced himself, wondering if the man would pass out from the pain of having his leg set. 

"You're an Angel?" the solider asked. 

"You speak English," Angelus said, sighing in relief. "I don't remember much Gaelic anymore." 

"Am I dying?" the solider asked. 

"No, you broke your leg. I'll set it, then if you'd point me toward your side I'll get you back to your people," Angelus promised impulsively. 

"Did Dana send you? I'm Kevin Donnely, my Grandmother told me stories about Dana when I was a kid, I thought it couldn't hurt," the solider babbled. 

"I heard you calling on her," Angelus replied. "I had thought my mother's religion was long forgotten. Hell, no one except her family practiced it even back then. My father thought it was all bunk." 

With a sharp tug, Angelus realigned Donnely's broken bones. He wasn't surprised when the human passed out. With a quick efficiency Angelus dressed the wound then picked up the unconscious solider and started walking toward where he believed the Allied lines where. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Lt. Donnely?" Angelus said shyly. 

"Hi, I'm glad you came," Donnely said struggling to sit up despite the rigging on his broken leg. "I wanted to thank you." 

"I liked helping," Angelus replied. "The doctors here have been teaching me to do a better job. They told me you could have gone into shock because I didn't keep you warm. And I'm sorry my name got you in trouble." 

"Don't worry about it," Donnely replied. "You saved me, it's not your fault I decided I'd been rescued by an angel or one of Dana's Sidhe and told all the doctors about it. It's no wonder they decided I was crazy." 

"Maybe not," Angelus replied. "My mother always claimed her family was descended from the Tuatha De Danann." 

Donnely laughed abruptly. "Don't go telling the docs that Angie, or you'll be the one they be looking to cart off to the loony bin. So I hear you've volunteered as a field medic, where were you stationed previously?" 

"I wasn't," Angelus replied simply. 

"You were just out wandering around a battle field in the middle of the night for you health?" Donnely asked. 

"I'm odd that way," Angelus said with a half-smile. 

"I'm grateful for your oddness," Donnely replied taking the souled vampires arm in a friendly clasp. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Angie, I heard you were spending the day with the 53rd," Donnely exclaimed, ducking as he entered the low ceilinged bunker. 

"Hey Kevin," Angie replied with a smile, looking up from the patient he'd been transporting off the frontlines when dawn had caught up with him. 

"We're not scheduled to move today, so we should have a chance to catch up," Donnely said, settling beside his friend. "So you finally decided to join up?" 

Angie glanced down at the uniform he wore, brushing a hand through his too short hair, even after two weeks it still seemed strange; he couldn't remember ever having had short hair before. "This work's hard on ones clothes," he explained. "The supply master in Reims decided I was a disgrace and should be properly outfitted. The haircut seemed like a good idea at the time. I'm still under my own command. It works better that way, I never really cared for following orders." 

"I don't know many who'd dare to give them to you," Donnely replied. "You're something of a legend, more than one of the men you brought in swears they've seen you walk through gas or take bullets and not come to harm. Coupled with your name the stories are something to hear Angel." 

"People swear to all sorts of impossible things," Angie replied, feeling uncomfortable. "It makes for better stories. I've heard talk that the war will be over soon?" 

"The marines stopped the German advance at the Marne," Donnely said. "Now we're pushing them back. I've heard the Canadians made heavy inroads into the German lines, 14,000 yards in a single day." 

"I'm thinking maybe I'll go to America once this is all over," Angie said. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"It's all set Angie," Donnely said. "Just get on the ship with the 1047th, no one's going to mention that you don't actually belong to them. Here's your uniform and my address in the States, if you ever need anything you can come to me for help, or just come visit." 

"Thanks Kevin," Angie replied accepting the bundle of clothing. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Angel remembered the two years following the armistice less clearly. He had wandered from city to city, not knowing what to do with himself, feeling useless. 

Then he'd tried to treat a small child. It certainly wasn't the first time Angel had watched someone he'd tried to save die, but the three-year-old boy shouldn't have died. The boy had been choking on a piece of candy he'd swallowed. It should have been a simple thing to help the boy, only he'd been so small and Angel had misjudged his own strength. The boy's ribs had broken and punctured a lung; the child had died in agony. 

Horrified Angel had fled the scene. In penance he began wearing a cross. The burning symbol of God had been a constant reminder of what he was, a creature damned in God's sight. 

He tried to pretend he was human, even to the point of stopping drinking blood and attending church regularly. It didn't stop the cross from burning him; there was no forgiveness to be found. 

Bloodlust had gradually driven Angel away from people, but his growing mental confusion had begun to dull the guilt more effectively than people ever could. The world faded into a hazy fog, nothing quite seemed to matter or even reach Angel, except for the constant hunger he felt. Then he'd run into Donnely again. The man had been flatly determined to save him from himself. Angel ignored Donnely's efforts like he ignored everything else. 

Shortly after that the future-friend had appeared in Angel's life. The boy's constant, insistent presence had drawn Angel back from his comfortable oblivion and created hope for the future. Then the boy had left for his own time and Angel had been alone again. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Hello Kevin," Angel said uncertainly. "I thought, maybe, if you wanted to, we could talk?" 

"I've been worried about you Angie," Donnely said. 

"I'm not what I appear," Angel said nervously. "Not human." 

"But you are from Galway aren't you?" Donnely asked. "What you've told me is true?" 

"I didn't lie," Angel said. "I didn't tell you everything, but I didn't lie." 

"I'd figured that," Donnely said. "You took so many chances Angie, I always figured you weren't quite human. A human wouldn't have survived. I imagined that you really were Sidhe, like I'd first thought, you're not are you?" 

Angel shook his head sadly, "Nothing so innocent, I'm a vampire, a monster." 

"What you are doesn't change what you've done. You aren't a monster, Angelus," Donnely insisted. 

"You have no idea what I've done," Angel said darkly. 

"Then you've changed," Donnely said firmly. "That's all that matters." 

______________________________________________________________ 

Donnely sighed in disgust as he watched Angie fade into the background of the party. The vampire was simply too adept at lurking. 

"Angie, I didn't drag you here so you could sulk in the corner," Donnely said. "It won't kill you to socialize a little. Now I'm going to introduce you to a few friends and when I collect Laura for the next dance you will carry on a conversation." 

"Yes sir, Lt. Sir. I am ordered to socialize," Angie said sarcastically. "Sometime Kevin, I feel more like your pet project than your friend." 

"Unlike you, I won't live forever," Donnely said seriously. "I caught up to you in physical age this year. When I die you're going to have to make new friends, and I'm going to see that you know how to do that." 

"Don't worry Kevin, the future will take care of itself." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"I finally did it!" Donnely exclaimed bursting into the apartment he shared with Angie. 

Sleepily the vampire walked into the main room. "Did what?" he asked. 

"I asked Laura to marry me. She said yes!" 

"Congratulations Kevin," Angie said. 

"I want you to be my best man," Donnely continued. 

"Kevin… thank you, but won't my sunlight problem complicate things?" Angie asked. 

"Laura knows you can't handle sunlight, she's okay with a night time ceremony," Donnely explained. 

"You really want me there?" Angie asked. 

"Of course I do Angie, you're my best friend," Donnely said almost angrily. "Why can't you accept that people like you?" 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Shannon sweet, please close the curtains," Angie said watching his small charge from the corner of the room where he'd been trapped. He wondered where his sanity had been when he'd agreed to watch the three-year-old girl while Kevin and Laura visited her family for the day. 

Laura's younger brother had just completed college and she wanted to attend the graduation ceremony, but Shannon wouldn't have been able to sit still for the lengthy function. Angie had been flattered that the couple had trusted him to watch their daughter and had agreed without a second thought. 

Now he was having second thoughts. The tiny girl had an endless supply of energy and she didn't sleep days. 

"Kevin promised he'd be back before I leave for work," Angie reminded himself. "That's only five hours away, she can't kill me in five hours." 

"Shannon, I'm serious, shut the curtains now!" Angie ordered. 

Grinning like the little imp she was, Shannon ignored the trapped vampire and drug a chair below the cabinet where she knew Angie kept cookies for her. 

"No, you've had more than enough sugar for one day," Angie said. 

"Want tookie," Shannon replied unrepentantly, and climbed on to the chair. 

"Shannon!" Angie said warningly. 

Standing on the seat of the chair the three-year-old was still too short to reach the shelf holding the cookies, determinedly she climbed on to the back of the chair. Angie could see the chair tipping under her weight. 

Moving with an inhuman speed, Angie darted across the deadly strip of sunlight and snatched the falling girl from the air. 

Smoking from his exposure to the sun and shaking from nervousness Angie sank to the floor cradling the child in his arms. 

Shannon's huge blue eyes blinked a few times as she tried to process what had happened, in one instant she'd felt the chair tipping under her and in the next she'd been here, safe with Angie, several feet past the chair which lay on its side on the floor. 

"Fun!" Shannon declared. "Do it again!" 

"No!" Angie exclaimed. "Never, ever, do that again!" 

______________________________________________________________ 

Xander paused in the recitation of what he and Wesley had managed to unearth of Angel and Donnely's friendship. The sudden silence brought Angel back to the present with a start. 

"I remember that," Angel said quietly. "Those nine years were probably the most contented I'd ever been in my life. I was closer to Kevin, Laura and Shannon than I had been to my own family, excluding Kathy. I was happy with what I was for the first time in my life, even if I still regretted what I'd done before being cursed." 

"I worked as a night watchmen for the shipping company that employed Kevin. I got along well with the people there. I'd even have called a few of them friends." 

"Laura was an incorrigible matchmaker, but I wasn't comfortable seeing anyone, because I knew it couldn't go anywhere." 

"Do you remember what happened?" Xander asked. 

"It all fell apart," Angel said. "To start with the stock market crashed. It didn't affect me much directly, vampires don't exactly need money to live on, but it hit Kevin hard. He lost money in the crash and the shipping company went under not long after." 

"I convinced Kevin to let me rent a room from him to help with expenses, but there were only so many odd jobs either of us could find. Then Laura got sick." 

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	10. Bleak Decade

**Bleak Decade**

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

"Laura needs a doctor doesn't she, Angie?" Kevin asked quietly. 

"She does, I know Laura says to save the money for the mortgage, but I can't deal with this. It's some sort of respiratory infection, I don't know what to do for her," Angie said. 

"I thought as much, I'll get the doctor tomorrow before I look for work," Kevin said. 

"I thought the meat packing thing was supposed to last for another week?" Angie commented. 

"There were a lot of people, we finished the shipment early," Kevin said. "The shipments aren't coming in regularly so the company just lets us go and hires another crew when the next arrives." 

"The railroad still needs hobos kept from the trains at night, they need it worse every day, so I've still got work, at least until they decide it's not worth the bother," Angie reported. 

"Angie, you don't have to…" Kevin started to say. 

"I like helping Kevin," Angie said softly. "You've seen what I'm like when I don't have a purpose. Consider letting me help a favor to me." 

"I guess I'll just be grateful for your oddness again," Kevin said with a warm smile. 

Both men turned at the sound of a window cracking open, together they headed for the kitchen. A ragged looking man holding a gun stood outside the now open window. 

"Just stay there," The thief said pointing the gun between Angie and Kevin. "Don't make me hurt anyone." 

"You don't want to do this," Angie said in a low dangerous voice. 

"I don't have a choice," the man said. "I need money." 

"Pick another house," Angie replied, a touch of gold entering his dark brown eyes. 

"My wife's sick," Kevin added, "With the doctor's bills we don't have enough to make it worth your while." 

"You haven't called the doctor yet," The thief laughed. "I've been casing this place for the last couple days, I know you've been getting ready for an expense. You've got more than enough to make it worth my while. Now one of you two gentlemen just step over to the door and let me in. The other stays in my line of fire." 

Angie nodded toward the door. Kevin understood instantly, once he was out of danger the vampire would be free to take care of their thief. 

Kevin walked slowly to the door, which put the icebox between himself and the gunman. As soon as Angie saw that Kevin was safe he vamped out with a growl. The thief triggered two shots before Angie ripped the gun from his hands and yanked the man halfway through the window. The blood scent hit Angie a second later. Heedless of the damage he was doing to the thief, Angie pulled the man the rest of the way through the window then tossed him in a corner. The thief's head smacked the wall and he slid bonelessly to the ground. 

Kevin stood, hand still on the doorknob, a look of shock on his face as he stared at the growing red stain on his shirt. "It ricocheted," he said in disbelief bring up blood as he spoke, then collapsed to his knees. 

Shaking off his own stunned disbelief, Angie caught his friend and gently lowered him to the floor. Numbly Angie inspected the wound, there was massive bleeding, possibly signifying damage to the aorta. 

Behind them the door creaked open. Glancing over his shoulder Angie saw the six-year-old Shannon standing in the door holding a teddy bear. "Go back to bed!" Angie ordered abruptly, his mind still focused on treating the girl's father. Without a word Shannon backed out of the room. 

"Stop the bleeding," Angie thought. "Everything else comes second." The tablecloth became a makeshift compression bandage, but Angie could see the wound was still bleeding badly, he could hear Kevin's heart laboring, adrenalin making it beat faster, driving the blood from his body that much quicker. 

"It should hurt more," Kevin commented vaguely. 

"You're going to be all right," Angie insisted. He needed to do something else; Kevin was bleeding out as he watched. The blood scent was overwhelming, making it difficult to think clearly. It had been so long since he'd been exposed to this much blood. 

Angie didn't know what to do. Experience told him these kinds of wounds were fatal, but this was Kevin and Kevin wasn't supposed to die. There had to be something he wasn't thinking of. Except all he could focus on was the blood. "That 's why I can't couldn't fix this, the blood scent's too distracting," Angie thought. 

There was something he could do to fix this, he just couldn't think of it. Angie's panic stricken gaze fell on the unconscious thief. Blood, free for the taking, then he'd be able to concentrate, to figure out a way to save Kevin, despite the wound that was rapidly killing him. 

"It was all the thief's fault in the first place," Angie justified as he drained the man. Dropping the body he went back to Kevin. 

In the few moments it had taken to kill the thief, Kevin had loss consciousness. His heart faltered then skipped a beat. 

Now Angie couldn't deny that the bleeding was too heavy to be from anything but the aorta. Nothing could possibly save Kevin. Another few minutes and he'd be gone, long before Angie could get him to a hospital. 

"Turn him," Angie thought. "That way he wouldn't die." 

With a sob Angie acknowledged that that wasn't what would happen. Better than anyone he knew what he would create that way: a vampire that looked like Kevin, but would never be Kevin. 

Slowly, tears streaming down his face, Angie say back on his heels and watched helplessly as his best friend Kevin died. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Kevin was shot by a robber one night," Angel said. "He died in a few minutes. I got a doctor for Laura, but it didn't do any good. She died three days after Kevin." 

"I'm sorry," Xander said. 

"After Laura died I should have taken Shannon to her grandparents," Angel continued grimly. "But I didn't want to give her up. We moved westward. I worked at whatever came up, taught school for a couple of years, and hunted wild life to keep us both fed. 

"How much more do you remember?" Xander asked. 

"I remember the rest of Shannon's life." 

______________________________________________________________ 

Angie jumped off the train; a knapsack containing his and Shannon's things slung over one shoulder, Shannon herself balanced easily on his opposite hip. The girl's face was buried against his shoulder, both arms wrapped securely around his neck. In the months since her parents' deaths, Shannon had remained close to the souled vampire, never letting him out of her sight. 

"We're in Montana this time," Angie told the girl. "Near Missoula." 

Angie looked about the countryside. The small town lay just northeast of the Idaho boarder, between the Bitterroot Mountain Range and the Rocky Mountains, thick forests surrounded it. Angie nodded to himself, this place would do. 

He hadn't been able to find regular work since they'd left Chicago. It would have been hard even without the limitations being a vampire placed on Angie. With them, well there just weren't many openings for someone who spontaneously combusted in sunlight. He could have survived on the streets, but that would have meant giving up Shannon. 

"Which you should have done anyway," his conscious reminded him viciously. "She'd be better off with her grandparents, what the Hell do you think you're doing trying to raise a child?" 

Angie rapidly shut down that annoying voice, he wasn't giving up Shannon, that's all there was to it. 

Here there would be abandoned houses to take over and wildlife to hunt. He could take care of Shannon here. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Shannon followed Angie from room to room as the vampire sun-proofed the small house they'd found on the outskirts of town, clutching her teddy bear. 

Angie worried about her, since her parents' deaths the girl rarely played anymore, just followed him as if she might loose him too if she let him out of her sight. 

"It'll get better now that we're not moving," Angie thought. The cross-country trip had been nightmarish for her, but now it was over. Every day spend in Missoula further increased Angie's certainty that they could sit out the depression here. The barter system was alive and well in Missoula and he'd managed to arrange an agreement where he'd teach reading and writing to a half dozen children in exchange for some of the things he and Shannon would need. 

Angie like the arrangement, it kept Shannon near him during the day but she'd still be with other children. Hopefully their presence would turn her back into the lively, cheerful child he'd known until a few months earlier. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"You taught school?" Xander asked disbelievingly. 

"Informally, for nine years," Angel replied. "I was educated during my life time, it was more than most could say. Even while I was soulless I wasn't living underground, ignorant of the world around me. The older students helped with anything required out of doors. It did wonders for Shannon, brought her out of the depression caused by her parents' deaths. She made friends." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"I'm joining the WAC's with Meridith," Shannon announced. "Everyone is taking part in the war effort." 

Angie stared at his seventeen-year-old ward. "Elise and Kristi aren't." 

"Elise and Kristi are married," Shannon replied derisively. "All the guys have already left, Meridith says this is the only way we're going to meet anyone now." 

"So you're joining the army to meet boys?" Angie stated, wanting to clarify things." 

"Uh-huh," Shannon replied happily. "But don't worry, they don't let girls do anything dangerous, just typing and stuff." 

"And if I told you no?" Angie asked. 

"I'd be sad, but I'm not a little girl anymore Angie. I'd still go." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Shannon joined the WAC's shortly after the US became involved in the Second World War," Angel said. 

"The what's?" Xander asked. 

"The Women's Army Corps," Angel explained. "She was originally stationed in New York, but after a few months she received an over-sea's posting in Europe. I arranged transportation to go there as well, my ship left a week before hers did." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Where's the troop carrier?" Angie asked. "There was supposed to be one arriving today." 

"Haven't you heard? A U-boat sank it," The officer on duty replied. 

"Not the one carrying the 81st WAC unit," Angie said with certainty. 

"You got a girl with them?" The officer asked sympathetically. 

"My niece," Angie replied. 

"You'll have to go up to headquarters," The officer said. "I'm pretty sure someone will check for you, seeing as it's about your family." 

Angie turned and walked off without saying anything more; the idea that Shannon could be dead simply wasn't real. 

"She said they wouldn't let her do anything dangerous," Angie reminded himself. 

The walk to headquarters was an eternity and waiting for the secretary to get back to him with the news was another. 

"I'm sorry," The man said. Angie slammed his fist into a filing cabinet, deeply denting the metal, then left hurriedly before anyone could notice that the tears filling his eyes were tainted with blood. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"When I arrived in Europe I took up duties as a field medic again," Angel narrated. "Until I learned that the ship Shannon was to have arrived on had been sunk by a German submarine. I joined a French resistance cell several months after that." 

"Vampires are more cut out for terrorism and sabotage than for soldiering. I learned a lot about explosives with them." 

"When the war ended, I returned to the states." 

______________________________________________________________ 

Angie stepped off the train at the depot in Missoula, Montana, where he'd raised Shannon. He'd just finished retracing their path from Chicago to Montana, visiting every place that held memories of the child he'd raised and lost. 

"Angie?" Elise Martin yelled, rushing out of her office as soon as she recognized him. Elise, one of Angie's first students, was now the postmistress for the town. "Angie, I'm so glad you came back! She's not dead! Angie, Shannon's not dead!" 

"What did you say?" Angie demanded, grabbing Elise and lifting her out of the stream of debarking passengers. 

"She's been trying to contact you for years, Shannon was transferred to another unit at the last minute, she ended up stationed in the South Pacific. She sent messages all over Europe trying to let you know what had happened, especially after she heard about her old unit being killed when that ship sank," Elise said. 

"Shannon's okay?" Angie asked, completely stunned. 

"She's in Portland, Oregon," Elise replied. "Shannon got married, his name is Wayne Marcus. They delayed the wedding for months because Shannon wanted you there. No one knew how to find you Angie." 

"Portland, where in Portland? Elise do you have an address? I need to get a ticket," Angie babbled. 

"Yes, I've got an address and about a hundred letters for you, just let me get them." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"After returning to the States I learned Shannon hadn't died during the war," Angel said sounding incredibly tired. 

"So that was a good, right?" Xander asked. 

"I arrived in Portland just in time for her funeral," Angel replied. "Her husband murdered her. I stayed in Portland long enough to bury Shannon's murderer, I don't remember anything after that." 

"So you killed him?" Xander asked, somewhat disturbed at the idea of the souled vampire killing anyone. 

"Who said I killed him?" Angel said coldly. 

"When was that?" 

"1947." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Xander told us you've recovered your memories up to the year 1947," Wesley said. "I believe I know the next part. You ended up in LA, living in this very hotel, where you met a young woman named Judith…" 

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	11. Rerunning Problems

**Rerunning Problems**

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

Spike grinned mockingly as he watched Riley drive a stake into the female fledgling's heart. He'd followed the pair to the old Sunnydale High, wondering if Riley knew what his little friend was, wondering what Riley intended to do with the girl, wondering how he could benefit from whatever he discovered. "Well now, this is a hunting technique I haven't seen before," he said as the girl crumbled to dust in Riley's arms. "So you let them get distracted by drinking you, then you stake them. Or are you trying to figure out what Buffy sees in us?" 

Light headed from blood loss, Riley stared at the peroxide blond, "What are you doing here?" he asked. "Watching you play to be a buffet," Spike replied. "And from the looks of you, not for the first time either. How do you keep the Slayer from seeing the scars? Or is that not an issue anymore?" 

"She's been worried about her mother," Riley protested. 

"And this is how you get off now?" Spike asked. "Are you waiting for the Slayer to rescue you, or looking for the right one of us to turn you? Do you think that that will make Buffy love you like she does Angel or do you think it will make you stop loving her?" 

"I don't want to be one of you," Riley spat angrily. 

"Do you want to die like this?" Spike asked. "Have her find your body with two little holes in the neck smelling of arousal, because maybe that way you can hurt her as deeply as he did?" 

"I don't have to listen to this," Riley said staggering past Spike out into the night. 

Spike watched him go, chuckling softly to himself. Who knew mind games could be such fun? Even after spending more than two decades with Angelus he'd never fathomed the elder vampire's love of them till now. Of course, it might be because of Angelus that Spike had never cared for them, the wanker just didn't know when to quit. 

His sire's sire had always had this truly bazaar obsession with love, had to use it to destroy anyone who felt it. No wonder he'd gone absolutely batty when he'd found himself in love with the Slayer. 

Now Spike on the other hand, well if he was in love with the Slayer, then that was just the way things were and he'd deal with it. He'd find a way to make her love him, poofy souled vampires and all-American soldier boys be damned. 

Noticing activity deeper in the school, Spike decided to go investigate. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Now there's a whole bunch of them," Buffy exclaimed as she and Willow patrolled. "First Xander, now Cordelia and Wesley and probably that other guy too, all saying I don't and never did know Angel. I don't need this, not now with my mom and Dawn and everything. I don't need to be worrying about Angelus part II and if I ever even knew the guy I was totally in love with." 

"Well the two of you never did talk much, it was always life-threatening danger or smoochies, and after Angel came back it was life-threatening danger or titan sized angst," Willow said hesitantly. "It wasn't highly conducive to really getting to know one another. Also remember what Angel told you when you found out about Dru? I think he was scared of tell you anything that might make you like him less." 

"But that's just it Wills, after the whole telepathy thing Angel and I started talking about stuff, really talking, then he just broke-up with me. I think it was that stuff the Mayor said about what kind of life could Angel offer me." 

"Come on Buffy, Angel knows better than to let the bad guys tell him what to do," Willow said. "It had to have been something else." 

"I don't know I let Spike tell me that I had to avoid Angel. Angel almost killed himself because of what the First showed him," Buffy sighed. "It's just not fair for this to be stirred up now and then Riley's acting all weird on top of everything else." 

"Boys always pick the worst times to have a melt down," Willow said. 

"Slayer!" Spike exclaimed running up to the two girls. "We've got problems." 

"You are a problem Spike," Buffy replied with exasperation. 

"But at least I'm not trying to open the Hellmouth," Spike replied. 

"Anybody else feeling de'vu?" Willow asked. 

"Who and how?" Buffy asked. 

"Corsi demons are the who," Spike said. "They're tough but short on brains, basically puppets for the higher demons, the whole lot of them. How, well they've already got a crack opened. They're carting all sorts of goodies into the Hellmouth. Nothing's coming out yet, but you can bet that it's only a matter of time." 

"So why aren't you cheering them on?" Buffy asked. 

"Hey, I like this world, remember?" Spike said. 

"Yeah, but that was when people were still on your menu," Buffy pointed out. 

"Look Slayer, my unlife is hellish enough without a bunch of major demons running around looking down on all us mixed bloods," Spike said. "Now are you going to do something about this or just jabber? I'm doing you a favor here." 

"Okay Spike, I'll look into it, happy now?" Buffy said, rolling her eyes. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Giles sat in the closed magic shop with a cup of tea, contemplating going home. Ever since his visit to LA he'd been reluctant to go there, to the place where Angelus had left Jenny's body for him to find. 

He'd considered moving right after it had happened, but had feared that he would be playing into Angelus' hands. It took time for a human to establish residency and until that had been done any vampire could walk right into a home as if it were a public building. Giles hadn't put it past Angelus to know this and to use it to his advantage if Giles had allowed the vampire to force him from his home. So he'd stayed. After Angelus had been defeated Giles had stayed in case Buffy attempted to contact him. He had feared how she might react if she came looking for him only to find an empty apartment. 

By the time Giles had been free to move it hadn't seemed so urgent. The memories of talking with Jenny for hours on the couch about anything at all just to hear her voice, making her dinner one night and dozens of other good memories were here as well. They hadn't been obliterated by her death, as he had originally believed. So he had given up the idea of moving. 

Wesley's call a week ago had brought back the horror of Jenny's death, as well as all the rage he had believed was behind him. Giles hadn't been ready to forgive Angel when the souled vampire had been dying from the poison on Faith's arrow, but he had been able to support Buffy's choice to save her lover. Or maybe the truth was he just wasn't ready to see Angel released from the punishment Giles had decided upon for him. 

But somehow, being fired from the Council had given Wesley a degree of perception that he had lacked in Sunnydale, as well as a backbone. Wesley had seen what none of the other could and now it was the other former Watcher's choice as to whether or not to tell Angel the curse's new rules. Giles couldn't imagine Wesley keeping that secret. Buffy had mentioned Wesley's loyalty to Angel during the most recent business with Faith. 

Now it was only a matter of time till Buffy knew what he'd kept from her. Giles had no illusions as to how she'd take that news. Buffy would see it as a betrayal, and maybe she was right. 

Sometimes, in the dead of night, when everything was still, Giles remembered that Jenny had sought to return Angel's soul without strings despite her people's century old vendetta against the vampire and what he'd done to her Uncle. Giles wondered what Jenny would think of his decision to withhold the information that Angel's soul was permanent. 

"Giles!" Willow cried pounding on the Magic Box's locked door. 

Hurriedly the ex-Watcher opened the door for the young Witch. "Willow, what's happened?" he asked. 

"Spike told Buffy about these corsi demons trying to open the Hellmouth." Willow explained. "They're checking it out now. I thought we'd better warn you to be ready for research. According to Spike they've already cracked the seal, we might have to close it even after they kill the demons." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"There are a lot of them," Buffy said. 

"But they don't know they're being hunted," Spike replied. "Dru, Angelus, Darla and I used to play this game where we'd pick off the guests at a party one at a time, real quiet like. We used to bet on how many we could take before the ones left would realize what was happening." 

"You're sick," Buffy said. 

"I wasn't the one that thought it up, that would have been your beloved ex," Spike returned. "Doesn't matter, it's still a good plan. They're down there running every which way, we'll get half easily before they catch on." 

"You said they were dumb," Buffy reminded him. "I think we'll get all but four of them before they notice." 

Spike grinned deviously, "What are the stakes Slayer?" 

"If I'm right, I won't run into you hanging about my house for a month," Buffy said, leading Spike after one of the corsi who headed toward the school's boiler room. Together they dispatched it easily. 

"And if I win, you sponsor me for a night at Willie's," Spike replied, spotting another corsi walking down the hall. The blond vampire snagged the demon by the back of its coat, pulling it into an adjoining corridor and throwing it against the wall. Buffy drove a knife into its chest. 

"How much would that cost?" Buffy asked, stalking a third demon into the school's kitchen and killing it. 

"I don't quite know," Spike said, then pressed his hand to Buffy's lips. The vampire jerked his head warningly toward the cafeteria. Together they peered through the door to see two more corsi. 

Buffy pointed to the one on the left and Spike nodded. In concert they broke through the door and attached the demons. 

The fight was quick but noisy. Spike broke his opponent's neck with a quick twist. Buffy threw hers through a wall before nailing it between the eyes with a thrown knife. 

"That's half," Spike said. 

"So how much do I owe you?" Buffy asked. 

"A night, you and me at Willie's, you pick-up the tab," Spike clarified. 

"Like a date, except with me paying?" Buffy asked unhappily. "Maybe they didn't hear. I only need one more demon to win." 

Looking anxious, Buffy crept back toward the burnt out library. Spike sauntered behind her. 

The remaining five demons stood together in a circle around the crack in the Hellmouth seal. 

"I think they heard Pet," Spike said. 

"Ohhh," Buffy moaned. 

"We can take five of them," Spike encouraged. 

"That wasn't why I was moaning," Buffy said. "On three we rush them… One…" 

"Two…" Spike said. 

"Three…" Buffy finished and they barreled into the room scattering the surprised corsi. Buffy knocked one demon into the open Hellmouth and Spike, in game face, ripped the heart out of a second. 

The last three demons circled the Slayer and vampire cautiously, looking for an opening. Spike moved to stand back to back with Buffy. 

"Spike, stay where I can watch you," Buffy commanded. 

"I'm crushed Pet, you don't trust me," Spike replied. "But if I were you, I'd trust them less." 

"If one of them gets through you, you'd better be dust," Buffy warned. 

Before Spike could reply the three corsi attached. Buffy kicked one in the chest sending it reeling back. Spike ducked one of the demon's fists, grabbing its arm then flipping it into the last standing demon. 

Buffy dove at the two entangled corsi, killing one, but the second caught her in a crushing embrace. 

"She's mine!" Spike protested grabbing the demon by a horn and snapping it's head back. Howling in outrage the demon released Buffy, just in time for her to land a blow on the corsi she'd kicked earlier. 

The one Spike had attacked tore itself from his grasp, it's sharp-edged horn cutting his hand as it did so. "Owe, that hurt," Spike protested then licked his bleeding hand, eyeing the corsi watchfully as they circled. 

"What is it with you demons and Hellmouths," Buffy asked her opponent. "You've always got to be opening them early, it's like little kids and Christmas presents." 

The demon charged her without speaking, Buffy wasn't even sure if they could speak. Buffy side stepped and her demon missed her and ran into the one Spike was fighting. Seeing his opponent momentarily off balance Spike grabbed a scorched two-by-four from the ground and cheerfully bashed the demon's skull in with it. 

The last demon snatched a gold disk from the floor and dove into the opening in the Hellmouth. 

"That was a bad thing last time," Buffy commented. 

"But we got most of them," Spike said. 

"Maybe that's good enough," Buffy replied uncertainly. 

A rumbling came from deep within the Hellmouth and the crack shifted open a few more millimeters. 

"Oh bloody Hell," Spike announced disgustedly. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"The disk you described appears to be Yasar's Medallion," Giles reported after much research. "To undo the spell the medallion must be destroyed." 

"Except the bloody medallion's on the wrong side of the Hellmouth," Spike said. 

"Well, yes," Giles replied, cleaning his glasses. "There is good news however. For the moment nothing can exit the Hellmouth and the spell is very slow acting, it will be almost a week before anything is released." 

"So someone is going to have to go in after Yogi's Medallion, aren't they," Buffy said. 

"There's the whole one way ticket problem," Spike said. 

"Th-there are spells to open gateways to the demon dimension," Tara suggested. 

"Yes but the trick will be to find one that will only allow our people out and not any demons," Giles said. 

"Back to the books," Willow sighed. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Okay, we have a solution," Willow said. "Not one spell, but two. The first acts like a homing beacon. We cast it on our warrior, then they go after the medallion. The second spell uses the first to determine where the portal opens on the Hell side, that should keep the risk of demon escapage minimal. The problem is whoever goes in will be incommunicado, we'll have to figure the time differential." 

"Our avatar will be working under a deadline," Giles continued. "Once we've opened the portal we can't repeat the spell for three hours Earth time, if the medallion hasn't been destroyed by the time the portal is opened the avatar will be stranded in the demon dimension, possibly for weeks before a second retrieval attempt can be made." 

"So I get it right the first time," Buffy said. 

"No, not you Buffy," Giles said. "The Slayer's presence would be widely felt by the creatures on the other side of the Hellmouth, you would become an instant target. You would die Buffy, without even the slightest chance of accomplishing your objective." 

"Don't look at me," Spike said. "You don't have enough money to pay me for that. Get Peaches to do it, he's more the sacrificial lamb type." 

"Spike, it was my understanding that you were opposed to end of the world scenarios," Giles said. 

"Yeah, I want to enjoy the world, not destroy it, but going to Hell would put a slight cramp in my plans, now wouldn't it?" Spike replied. 

"Well we can hardly toss him in and hope he would accomplish the mission," Giles remarked. 

"Damn right you can't," Spike said, moving to the door, prepared to bolt should anyone try it. 

"Which leaves Angel as our next best candidate, despite his rather questionable mental state," Giles finished. 

"Isn't there a way we could mask my presence?" Buffy asked. "I don't want to ask Angel to go back there." 

"Buffy your sister and mother need you too much for you to take that kind of a risk now," Giles replied, his look reminded Buffy that her responsibility to Dawn extended beyond those normally held by an older sibling. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Wesley, it's Giles. We have a situation in Sunnydale and we require Angel's assistance," Giles said, formality conveying rather than covering his discomfort. 

"This is a rather bad time," Wesley replied. "Could you perhaps, find another way, or at least delay things?" 

"Asking Angel for help was hardly my first choice of solutions," Giles said. 

"Well yes, it's just that given Angel's current state of mind, he might refuse," Wesley said. "At the moment he seems to despise the majority of human kind." 

"We have five days until the Hellmouth opens, Angel is our best chance to prevent that," Giles explained. 

"Oh. We'll come, of course," Wesley replied. "In fact speaking with Buffy might possibly be just what Angel needs." 

"Why? What is going on down there?" Giles demanded. 

"As you remember, Angel had lost all memory of being a vampire at the time of your visit. A subsequent encounter with Darla…" 

"Darla was killed four years ago," Giles interjected. 

"Yes, well she didn't stay dead, which is irrelevant anyway," Wesley snapped. "She managed to restore some of Angel's memories of being soulless in an attempt to turn him back into Angelus. All it did however was move him forward emotionally to directly after he was cursed. Not a part of his life Angel was overly inclined to relive. Without much difficulty we were able to restore a little more than fifty years of Angel's memories. Unfortunately, this brought him to a point in his life when he had good cause to be mistrustful of humans." 

"We've told him everything we know about his life in Sunnydale, but there is no emotional resonance in Angel. It is my opinion that something happened in the intervening decades to bring Angel to the frame of mind where he was ready to lend assistance to Buffy. However, I don't have a clue as to what that was and until his memory of the event is recovered Angel can't reconnect with his most recent past." 

"On the other hand, the strength of emotion that Angel and Buffy felt for one another might allow him to bridge the gap. If not Angel still seems to regard Cordelia as his younger sister, she might be able to persuade him to be helpful." 

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	12. Distorted History

**Distorted History**

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

"So you're Buffy," Angel said. She flinched at his cold unfriendly tone. Buffy had never imagined Angel acting so hostile toward her, at least not while he had his soul. Even during the Faith mess he hadn't been like this. Wesley had warned them that he was different, but it hadn't sunk in until this moment. 

"Hi Angel, how are you doing?" Buffy asked nervously. 

"Well let's see, you want me to go to Hell, a place I've been religiously avoiding for a very long time. Except, oh yeah, I've already been there once for you," Angel said. "You know a human with my past is pretty much screwed, but I actually have the choice of not dying. The thought of Hell is one of my primary motivation in staying alive, no matter how miserable this world is." 

"We'll bring you back," Buffy promised in a small voice. 

"As I understand it, you didn't ever bother to try the last time you sent me to Hell," Angel replied. "And the guy that's in charge of this whole plan shot me the last time I saw him because he doesn't think I have a right to live, very confidence inspiring. Do you know what happened the last time I tried to help anyone? The last time I remember anyway. My new friend turned me over to a mob composed of the people I was attempting to help. They hung me. I thought it was going to be hard to top that in the 'no good deed goes unpunished' category, but you've managed it." 

"Do you want to got to the Bronze?" Buffy asked. "We used to go there a lot when we were dating, I thought it might bring back memories." 

"I'm not sure I want those memories," Angel replied. "As far as I can tell, I lost my mind at some point in the last fifty years." 

"Why do you say that?" Buffy asked. 

"I tried to have a relationship with you, didn't I?" Angel said. At Buffy's crushed expression he softened slightly. "Look, it's nothing against you, but my parents' marriage was enough of a disaster because of religious differences. We aren't even the same species; it would be like a deer and wolf trying to date. Except that your being the Slayer makes it questionable as to which of us is the prey and which is the predator." 

"We loved each other," Buffy objected. 

"So did my parents," Angel replied. "And after my mother died my father married a nice Catholic girl who he didn't love but who would never cause him the difficulties my mother did. Very like you and Finn actually." 

"Where the Hell did you get the idea I don't love Riley?" Buffy demanded. 

"Wesley, Cordelia and Xander told me everything they knew about my life here," Angel said. "Including a conversation Wesley overheard at a police station last year. Xander said that I must have been aware that you had lied when you implied that your relationship with Riley was preferable to the one we had. Cordelia and Wesley were terribly surprised at that announcement." 

"Riley is exactly what I need," Buffy said, turning and walking away. "According to you in any case." 

Surprised Angel followed after her. 

Buffy didn't speak to him again until they had arrived at the Bronze. "Welcome to Sunnydale's one cool spot for High Schoolers to hang out," she said. "We met in the alley behind the building. You were following me so I knocked you on your ass. You gave me a cryptic warning and a silver cross. For the next few months you used to find me here to deliver your warnings, until I found out about the part where you're a vampire. We fought here, figured out that we didn't hate each other and a few days later made up here. After we got over the whole avoiding each other thing we came here on dates. You and the guys held a surprise party for me here on my seventeenth birthday, I'll save the rest of that story for later." 

"You used Xander to make me jealous here," Angel added. "I told you, I've been told about us." 

"Well given how you're acting, I had to wonder if they'd bothered to mention the good parts," Buffy snapped. 

With a smirk, Angel opened his mouth to comment. 

"Don't," Buffy said warningly. "Let's dance, it might stir up memories without us actually having to talk." 

Angel led her out onto the floor, leaving the comment unsaid. As they danced Buffy found herself thinking maybe it would have been better if she'd let him say it. Even if he'd had his memories there was no way Angel could know she'd spent the last year pretending to herself and her friends that her relationship with Angel had been all pain and misery, unless Xander had told him. Still considering what she had said, Buffy knew she shouldn't be so bothered by the thought of hearing Angel say exactly the same things. 

Without thinking Angel caressed Buffy's back as they danced, soothing some of the tension from her muscles. Even though he'd been purposely antagonistic, Angel was disturbed at seeing her upset. He didn't want to remember, he didn't want to care, or to let anyone in again, it just left him hurting. It was bad enough that Kath… no Cordelia and Xander were already past his defenses. He didn't need another hostage to fortune, someone else to betray him or to be lost. 

A clatter of metal hitting the floor startled Angel. He looked at the ground expecting to see his mother's ring, fallen from Buffy's hand, instead he found one of the other dancers collecting the pendant from a broken necklace. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Riley stood at the railing of the balcony overlooking the Bronze's dance floor, glaring at Buffy and Angel. 

Spike walked up beside him carrying a beer bottle and smirking. "It's happening ain't it?" he asked. "Angel's back and the Slayer's got eyes for only him." 

"You know they used to get so involved in making out while they patrolled the cemeteries that the vamps would sit around and watch the free show. I considered attacking them when they were all distracted, but wrote it off as a bad idea. Figured their resentment over being interrupted would off set any advantage I might gain by catching them off guard." 

"Go bug someone else, before I forget you're helpless," Riley said. 

"Right, you're so caught up in wallowing, wouldn't want to interrupt that," Spike said. "Going to go find another vamp to play with? If you'd open a vein I'd be happy to oblige you. You could watch them while you're being drained, wouldn't that be fun? Oh right, you only let the chits get their fangs in you. Cause it's a sex thing for you. I hope you realize it's just a food thing for them." 

"They're a cute couple, don't you think?" Spike continued, watching Buffy and Angel slide closer together. "From here you'd never guess they've been broken up for more than a year, let alone that she's moved on to someone new." 

"She's just helping him to remember," Riley said. "It doesn't mean anything." 

Spike leaned against the rail; laughing so hard he could hardly keep his balance. Riley glared at the peroxide blond. "They both know it can't work," he said. "She'll forget him someday." 

"Because of the curse?" Spike gasped between bursts of laughter. "I forgot… you've only got mortal hearing… the curse… it can't be broken." 

"What?" Riley demanded. 

"The Watcher kept it from them, but the secrets coming out now," Spike explained. "The happiness clause is history. When Angel remembers their love, and he will, that kind of love is deeper than brains, they'll pick-up right where they left off three years ago. And you'll be a footnote to the whole Buffy/Angel saga. Unless you've got the stones to do something about it." 

"Like what?" Riley demanded, wondering what he was thinking, asking for relationship advice from an HST. 

"Member that little homing spell the Witches are going to cast on the Poof to get him back from hell?" Spike asked rhetorically. "Substitute willow bark for oak bark and the spell'll wear off in under an hour. They'll never get him back." 

"Why should I believe anything you say?" Riley asked. 

"If it hadn't been for Angelus, my Dru and I would be off celebrating somewhere far from here. But thanks to him, she won't give me the time of day, so I came back here and got this lovely chip in me head. I'd love to see the Poof take another trip to Hell, and not come back this time," Spike said. 

"Then why aren't you doing the switch?" 

"Nobody trusts me, I get spotted anywhere near the spell components they'll look into it. You they'd never think twice about, they think you're just the boy scout/door mat type." 

"It would be murder," Riley said. 

"Oh no, it would be worse," Spike replied. "But what do you care, Angel's just another HST, isn't he. You do worse than murder to us all the time. Well, I guess he's not just any HST, Angel's the one that's going to get your girl." 

Riley backed away from the vampire, looking angry, looking eager, looking sickened. Spike watched the commando work his way awkwardly to the door, then the vampire turned back to watch his sire's sire and the Slayer dance. 

"You'll do it soldier-boy," Spike whispered. "I know you love her and love will make you do whatever it takes. Course what you don't realize is the Slayer's going to find out. When he doesn't come back she'll figure out what happened, then you'll be in a fix won't you soldier-boy? And after she's done with you, well she'll be all alone, and I'll be here to pick-up the pieces. Love will make you do just about anything, so will loneliness." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Well dancing had been a trip down memory lane for at least one of them," Buffy thought. She hadn't been in Angel's arms since the prom; she'd forgotten how right it felt. 

"Can we go now?" Angel asked as the song ended. 

Buffy felt like she'd just been punched in the gut. He'd held her so carefully, how could he not remember? But Angel's voice was as cold as it had been when the evening began. 

"I hate you!" Buffy exclaimed with a sob. 

Angel watched the angry, tearful girl rush from the Bronze. "I don't care," he told himself. "She's a manipulative child who never could have really loved me." 

With a look of defeat on his face, Angel followed the tiny blond into the night. Slayer or not she was in no state to be wandering the Hellmouth at night. It wouldn't kill him to see that she got home safely. 

Keeping his distance, Angel trailed behind Buffy, on his guard against the dangers of the night. He watched her knock on an apartment door and waited until the red-haired witch admitted the sobbing blond into the apartment. Then Angel turned and disappeared into the night. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Angel hates me," Buffy sobbed to Willow. 

Discretely Tara slipped into the bedroom, leaving Willow to comfort her friend. Willow sat Buffy on the couch and prepared for a storm the likes of which she hadn't seen since High School. 

"I tried to talk to Angel, like Cordy and Xander asked, to help him remember," Buffy said. "But they told him all sorts of stuff and now he hates me." 

"Angel could never hate you," Willow protested. 

"He does," Buffy exclaimed. "He said he doesn't trust me. You should have heard him Willow, he sounded so angry every time he talked to me." 

"Wesley told us Angel didn't like or trust anybody in the fifties." Willow said. "And he doesn't remember you. It's probably not personal, he just needs to finish healing." 

"No," Buffy said. "Angel hates me because I left him in Hell." 

"Well that's just not fair," Willow proclaimed. "You didn't have a choice, if you hadn't sent him to Hell the whole world would have gone there, Angel included." 

"But I didn't bring him back, I never even tried," Buffy sobbed. "Now he doesn't believe we'll bring him back after he destroys the medallion thingy." 

"You were hurting," Willow floundered. "And you didn't know he could be brought back. You aren't to blame." 

"I should of tried," Buffy said tearfully. "Angel's right to hate me." 

______________________________________________________________ 

Angel sat on a tombstone in a quiet, overgrown section of one of Sunnydale's oldest cemeteries, holding a chain with a matched set of rings on it. 

They were the only things he'd retained from his mortal life, from his childhood actually. 

He didn't doubt that the smaller ring had once graced the Slayer's hand. He could tell that it had been resized, and when he had awakened from being shot and buried, he'd found the matching ring on his hand, worn to proclaim that his heart belonged to someone. 

But even if he had given Buffy the ring, it was apparent she'd given it back. 

Reflectively Angel traced the familiar surface of one of the rings. His father had hidden them away shortly after his mother's death. It had taken the eight-year-old Liam months to locate them, but after that he had he'd carried them with him at all times. 

Then they'd been a reminder that, once, things had been different. Once he'd had a mother whose laughter could make everything brighter, who saw the world as a wonderful place filled with magic. That once the exasperation in his father's eyes had been tempered with affection. 

After being made a vampire he carried the rings as a different sort of reminder. A reminder of how love had lured his mother from her family to a place where she was feared and despised for her beliefs, where they wouldn't even bury her properly. A reminder that love had gotten his father a son who had never been able to be what the old man wanted and who had killed him in the end. A reminder the Liam's love for his father was what had allowed his father to make him feel so worthless for so many years. 

After he'd been cursed the rings had been treasured simply because they were all Angel had left of his mortal life. That he would have given one to Buffy was very nearly inconceivable. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Xander what is going on with Angel?" Willow whispered into the phone. Buffy had cried herself to sleep on the couch and Willow didn't want to wake her. 

"Shot in the head, only remembers up to 1950'ish, remember?" Xander replied. "Why?" 

"He and Buffy fought or something," Willow said. "She came over here and cried her eyes out because she thinks he blames her for the whole Hell thing. I thought she was over crying about Angel." 

"Oh damn it," Xander exclaimed. "Angel promised not to talk to Buffy about that stuff until he had all his memories back. I'd better come over and explain the whole story to Buffy. Tell her it's not her, and I'm sorry I didn't warn her." 

______________________________________________________________ 

Riley stared at the neatly mislabeled packet of ground willow bark in his hand. He couldn't believe he was doing this. 

He was Riley Finn, from Iowa. His parents had raised him to be a good person. He went to church every Sunday. He'd joined the military because he wanted to make a difference. He'd given up his career when he realized what the Initiative was doing was morally wrong. 

"That person wouldn't be contemplating murder," Riley thought. Of course, the person he used to be didn't get drunk in low-life dives or get thrills out of being fed on by vampires. Female vampires, Spike wasn't wrong when he claimed that the thrill was sexual. 

"What's happened to me," Riley wondered. All he knew was that he couldn't loose Buffy. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Okay, here's the story," Xander said sitting across from Buffy and Willow. 

"It's the fifties and everybody's paranoid anyway because of the McCarthy trials, plus this girl Angel pretty much raised got murdered by her husband just a few years before this, so Angel isn't exactly in an up with people mood." 

"Well Angel meets this girl, Judith, who's in trouble. He starts identifying with the girl, cause neither of them fit in, Judith was racially mixed and Angel's only pretending to be human. They were both between worlds. So he decides to help her, and boy does she need it. Judith has legal problems on account of her having robbed a bank and there's a demonic entity living in the hotel with them driving everyone nuts." 

"A suicide, maybe a murder, starts everything unraveling. Just when Angel's ready to confront the demon, the mob that's formed decides that Judith is their killer. Angel shows up and she manages to turn them on him to save herself. Things get ugly, Angel gets hung, he leaves in a funk, letting the demon have everyone at the hotel." 

"Angel's mad at everyone involved but most particularly at Judith. Personally I think he's being a little unfair, she was scared and there was a demon influencing her toward utter paranoia, but Angel doesn't want to cut her any slack. He thought of her as a friend and she betrayed him." 

"It cemented Angel's bad opinion of people. We've been trying to figure out what changed it, without much luck. So right now he kind of tends to see everything anybody does in the worst possible light." 

"Like Buffy having to send him to Hell," Willow said. 

"Among other things," Xander replied. 

"What other things?" Buffy asked. 

"Well, leaving him in Hell is the really big one, and not killing him the first time you got a chance to after the curse broke would be issue number two. The rest of it's just stupid things," Xander replied. 

"What rest of it?" Buffy asked. 

"Angel thinks that going to the frat party, your more than friendly dance with me and how you acted with Ford were manipulative and childish. And he thinks how you told him about Riley was spiteful, not to mention cruel," Xander said in a rush. "It's like he did with Judith, Angel's not taking extenuating circumstances into account." 

"Wesley says Angel's probably afraid if he lets people get close to him that they'll hurt him again, by dying if nothing else. So he won't forgive anybody anything, it gives him an excuse for not liking them. Cordy's the only exception, and that's only cause he still thinks of her as his little sister," Xander explained. 

______________________________________________________________ 

He'd loved her. The conclusion was inescapable. Angel sighed, dropping the chain with the two rings back over his head. 

Even now, stripped of all true memory of the blond Slayer it was still true. He felt drawn to her, no matter how he tried to deny it. 

Xander claimed that Buffy still loved him, even if she was sleeping with that Finn guy. Kathleen agreed that the Slayer probably had feelings for him, but his sister also felt that he was better off without her. 

In Buffy's defense, Kathy had never approved of his interest in any girl other than Anna. "No," Angel corrected himself. "She's Cordelia, you killed Kathy centuries ago, you followed Anna to the Colonies solely for the purpose of killing her as well. Cordelia doesn't like the Slayer because she's afraid of Buffy's ability to turn you back to Angelus, and because seeing her makes you brood too much, in Cordelia's opinion." 

Her concern for him was truly sisterly. "No wonder you can't keep your memories of Kathleen separate from Cordelia," Angel thought. The twentieth century girl had adopted him as her older brother, and in the process given him back his good memories of Kathy. 

Which still didn't solve the problem of Buffy. He had loved her, which broke the curse. As Angelus he'd wrecked havoc on Buffy's life, killing her friends, threatening her family. Oh, and lets not forget trying to destroy the world. 

Then he'd gotten his soul back, but she'd been forced to send him to Hell to save the world from the doom he'd unleashed upon it. 

After that Buffy had run away from home, according to Cordelia and Xander because she'd been overwhelmed. Her friends in the hospital, her watcher tortured, her sister Slayer dead and her the primary suspect, kicked out of her home, expelled from school, and she'd just sent her lover to Hell. Where she left him. 

Apparently the future version of himself had been very understanding. As far as anybody knew he'd never even asked Buffy why she hadn't bothered to rescue him. But then again, maybe he knew why. 

It didn't seem likely that her love for him had survived his reversion to Angelus. It had probably been easier for her to have him out of her life. Angel wrote off her care after he returned as being guilt motivated. Their attempt to get back together was less easily dismissed, nostalgia perhaps. But the fact remained; Buffy had given back his ring. Taken back her heart and given it to another. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Hi mom, I really need to talk to you," Riley said into the phone. 

"Riley, honey, what's happened?" His mother asked. "You haven't called in almost a month." 

"I don't know mom. God, I've been so confused lately. You remember I told you about Buffy? I love her so much mom, but I don't think she loves me. And now her ex is back, and there's still something between them. I just want to hurt the guy, and the scary thing is I could. I could do something that would get him out of her life forever and I don't know what to do." 

"Has he done something wrong?" Riley's mother asked. "This thing you could do, would it get him trouble with Buffy or with the police?" 

Riley laughed bitterly, "It would get him dead, mom." 

"Riley, I don't understand," His mother said. "What is going on?" 

"There are reasons, which I can't explain, why this guy is major bad news," Riley said. "There are things in his past that could really hurt Buffy, but she knows all about that and she was willing to risk it before. Only there was this one… detail… that neither of them knew about then. Because of that detail he left Buffy to protect her. That's where I came in; I fell in love with her mom. I've never felt like this about anyone before. Angel, that's the guy, he just found out that the detail isn't a consideration anymore, and I think she's going to go back to him." 

"Was he involved in the mob or something like that?" Riley's mother asked. "If that's it I want you to stay out of it, I don't want you involved in any way. Do you understand me, Riley Sean Finn?" 

"No mom," Riley said. "Angel's going to be doing something dangerous, I could do something that would pretty much insure that he wouldn't make it. Then he'd be out of Buffy's life for good." 

For a long moment the line was dead silent. 

"Riley, I think you need to come home," His mother said sounding like she was in shock. "Now, I don't care what you feel for this girl, you can't kill someone for her. If she gets hurt because of this Angel person, it's her choice. I think you're very overwrought; you're loosing your way. I want you to get out of the situation. I want you to come home. Please come home Riley, before you do something that you will regret for the rest of your life." 

______________________________________________________________ 

Outside of the ruins of the old Sunnydale High, Angel pulled Cordelia aside as the others went in to begin preparing for his trip to Hell. "Cordelia, wait a minute," he said. 

"Sure Angel," the brunette replied. 

"I wanted to tell you, just in case this goes bad, you've been a real lifeline these last couple weeks. Probably longer than that, but it's the last few weeks that I can remember. I know that you're not really my sister, but I feel like you are," Angel said awkwardly. 

"Nothing's going to go wrong!" Cordelia said fiercely, then gave Angel a quick hug. "I won't let it, I need my big brother back." 

Together they walked into the burnt out ruins. The others, minus Riley, had gathered in what used to be the library. 

"Where's the ex-soldier-boy?" Spike asked. "I thought we were doing the strength in numbers thing in case something manages to stow-away with Peaches." 

"It looks like he flaked, again," Willow said almost angrily. 

"He has been rather undependable of late," Giles admitted. 

Seeing Buffy standing off to one side alone Angel went to join her. "I'm sorry for how I behaved last night," he said. 

"Yeah, well I guess I should cut you some slack," Buffy replied. "I mean brain damage should excuse a whole lot of rudeness huh?" 

"I don't think I'm ready to remember us yet," Angel admitted. "I was trying to keep you at a distance." 

Angel removed the chain around his neck with the two claddah rings on it. "Could you keep these safe for me?" he asked. "I image at least one of them's already made it to Hell and back, but I wouldn't want to push my luck. I've had them most of my life, I'd hate to loose them now." 

Buffy looked at the matched rings for a moment, when she started to ask Angel about them, about how he'd found hers, she saw he'd already walked away. 

Angel stopped Wesley next, "Hi Wesley, I wanted to thank you for keeping the Agency together while I've been… indisposed. I've figured out that it's pretty important to the person I became, so thanks." 

"That leaves just one more person to make peace with," Angel thought. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Angel could I talk with you, in private, before we get into the whole "Here's you life" in Sunnydale bit?" Xander had asked about a week earlier. 

"Go ahead," Angel replied. 

"There's some stuff I should have told you back in the 20's," Xander said. "Before you met me in Sunnydale. First off, I've been a real jerk toward you more than once. Actually it would be more accurate to say I was nice to you once or twice during the whole time you were in Sunnydale. There's a whole lot of reasons for that and you'll probably know most of them once you get your memory back, so I'm not going into them. The thing is I didn't start thinking of you as a friend until after we met in Chicago. I know I implied otherwise, and I want you to know that it wasn't just because I needed your help. I let you think that because I didn't want to hurt you." 

"You felt sorry for me," Angel said quietly. "Because of how I was then. Well, you don't have to. If that's why you're here now, I'd just as soon you left." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Xander, I know you wanted to wait until I had my memories back," Angel said. "But I think now's a good time for me to say this. After all, from everything I've heard, I became a much more understanding person in the last fifty years. So if I'm willing to say this now, I'm pretty sure I'd be saying it if I had my full memory." 

"I had no right to be angry with you about Sunnydale. For you it happened first. You were a true friend in Chicago and that didn't change when you got back to this time." 

"Angel, don't do this," Xander objected. "You shouldn't say goodbye. We aren't going to let you get trapped there." 

"I'm planning on walking into Hell, I think that gives me cause to be pessimistic," Angel replied. 

"Yeah, but you've got all of us backing you up," Xander said. "It'll work out." 

Angel smiled a little, looking completely unconvinced, then Willow waved them over. 

"Okay we're all ready to do the spell," the red head said. 

After the retrieval spell had been cast Tara checked that it was functioning. Then Angel asked uncertainly, "So I just jump through the crack?" 

"Exactly," Giles said. "We've checked the Hellmouth, there are no spells on it. It's your best chance for entering undetected. Once in, you'll have two hours to destroy Yasar's Medallion. Then we'll open the portal to retrieve you." 

"Right," Angel replied. "And if I don't do this the Hellmouth opens, turning the Earth into the extended version of Hell, so not only am I in Hell, everyone I care about is there too." 

"Yes," Giles said simply. 

"I guess I don't have much to loose by going," Angel said with a shrug, then climbed down into the Hellmouth. 

"Have fun!" Spike called cheerfully. 

"In five minutes we'll open the portal," Giles said starting a stopwatch. 

"This time differential this is convenient," Cordelia remarked. "We don't have to sit around worrying if he's alright. Just poof he's gone, poof he's back, problem solved." 

"Um-hum," Buffy agreed, staring at the Hellmouth. 

Willow and Tara fussed over the spell components, checking one last time, that everything was ready to go. Wesley and Xander did a quick weapons check and Spike lit up a cigarette. 

Cordelia stalked over to the peroxide blond vampire and flicked the cigarette out of his mouth then squashed it firmly into the ground. 

"Hey, I just lit that," Spike protested. 

"Those of us that actually use our lungs would prefer that you don't pollute the air," Cordelia said tartly. 

"I'm a vampire, a bad guy, I'm supposed to smoke," Spike argued. 

"But as I understand it, your little chip problem means I could beat you up, right?" Cordelia asked sweetly. "So you don't get to smoke." 

"Stupid chit," Spike snarled, stomping off to another corner of the burnt out library. 

"It's time," Giles said. 

Willow lit a fire under the bronze flash disk she had prepared ahead of time with the appropriate herbs then moved to stand at the third point of the triangle Tara had sketched on the floor. Giles and Tara had already taken the other two points. 

The others arrayed themselves around the triangle, ready to confront anything that might take advantage of this breech in the barrier between worlds. 

Slowly the air took on an opalescent, shimmery quality. Then a clear eye telescoped open in the center of the triangle providing a window on a blasted landscape. 

"Angel!" Buffy called, spotting the souled vampire crouching beside an outcropping of volcanic rock. 

Angel turned and started toward the portal at a job, looking highly relieved. 

"Hurry!" Willow yelled, sweat running down her face. 

Angel broke into a run, he was less than a meter from the portal when Tara let out a moan and collapsed in a dead faint. The portal telescoped closed and disappeared before the group's horrified eyes, leaving Angel trapped on the other side. 

"No, Angel!" Buffy shrieked, remembering the last time a portal from Hell had taken Angel from her. 

"Open it again," Cordelia demanded, turning to see that the other two spell casters had joined Tara in unconsciousness. The brunette girl ran to Giles and shook him violently. "Wake up already!" 

"Something went wrong," Xander said in a strained voice as he gently lifted Willow from the ground. 

Buffy dropped to her knees staring blankly at the place where the portal had been only seconds earlier. Spike looked around the burnt out library with a satisfied smirk. "Who needs commando-boys any way?" he said too quietly for mortal ears to hear. Then he wiped the smirk off his face and replaced it with an expression of concern as he bent over Buffy, gripping her shoulder reassuringly. 

Wesley went to check on Tara. He straightened her tangled limbs then dug through the witches' supplies. "Aw yes, these should do the trick," he said crushing a handful of herbs between his fingers then rubbing the pungent oils under the unconscious girl's nose. 

"Did he make it?" Tara asked groggily. 

"No," Wesley said solemnly, helping her to her feet then supporting her to Willow's side. "What went wrong?" 

"The strain was too much," Tara said as Wesley handed his impromptu smelling salts to Xander. "The spell should have mitigated the strain, but the power waned almost immediately after the portal opened, we only held it as long as we did through sheer will power." 

"So something was really wrong with the spell," Xander said supporting Willow as she sat up. 

"Y-you okay?" Tara asked her lover. 

"I think so, once the room stops moving," Willow replied catching Tara's hand and kissing it. "How are you doing?" 

Wesley let Tara sink to the ground beside Willow, "I feel drained," the blond witch said leaning against Willow. 

"We've got three hours before we can cast the spell again," Willow said watching Wesley walk over to Cordelia and Giles. "We should rest, we have to keep it open longer next time." 

"You should figure out what the problem was first," Spike advised. "Wouldn't want anything bad to happen, magic's dangerous stuff." 

"I don't want to leave Angel there a moment longer than necessary," Buffy said, shaking off Spike's comforting hand and going to check on Giles who was coming around slowly. 

"He made it for months last time," Spike said. "I wouldn't worry much." 

"I think he's more vulnerable now," Xander objected. "We can't trust that he'll be able to deal again." 

"I promised we'd get him back," Buffy said firmly. "Besides…" she continued more softly. "None of you saw how Angel was when he came back before. I won't let that happen again." 

"The spell was off," Giles said, resting his head on his knees. "We can't just cast it again, the same thing would only reoccur, more quickly this time since our reserves are depleted. 

"So what do we do?" Buffy asked. 

"We should have another spell caster look it over," Willow said. "Giles, Tara and I have all double and tripled checked it and we didn't find anything." 

"Anya could do it," Xander said. 

"Go get her," Wesley commanded. "I'll start looking it over myself, I do have some training in magic." 

"What can I do?" Buffy asked. 

"Right now, not much," Giles replied. "But if all else fails we could tie your strength into the spell next time, it might be enough to hold it till Angel can cross the barrier." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Here's the problem," Anya said. "You need to use fresh laurel leaves. They loose potency after being dried." 

"I'll start calling the nurseries and greenhouse," Cordelia volunteered. "I'm the expert when it come to shopping." 

"They won't be open for another eight or nine hours," Giles said. 

"Which equals eight or nine days for Angel," Wesley pointed out. "It's too long, we'll just have to break in." 

______________________________________________________________ 

Buffy held the rings Angel had entrusted to her tightly. "I feel so helpless," she told Spike. "I'm the Slayer, I should be able to do something." 

"Sometimes there's nothing to be done Pet," Spike replied. "We'll all do our best to get Peaches back, but it may not be enough. You can't let it break you Buffy." 

"You won't do your best," Buffy said quietly. "You're evil and you don't like Angel." 

"Well no, but he's still family," Spike answered. "I couldn't just let him die." 

"You tried to kill him before," Buffy pointed out. 

"For Drucillia," Spike replied. "She was more than family, she was my life... Till she didn't want me any more." 

"Angel must have found the ring where I left it at the mansion," Buffy said distractedly. "Why didn't he give it back to me?" 

Spike glanced at the rings, noting the design. "Maybe he didn't want you to have it anymore." 

"Why wouldn't he have?" Buffy asked uncertainly. 

"Those rings are wedding bands," Spike explained. "Maybe he didn't feel that way about you anymore." 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Why don't they sell laurels in Sunnydale?" Cordelia complained to Xander. She picked up a phone and dialed Gunn's number. "It's Cordy," she said. "Look I need you to go to the nursery on Clements street, number 10581, they've got everything. Get a laurel… just bring the whole plant. We need it in Sunnydale. I'll meet you at the Welcome to town sign. Angel's stuck in Hell so I don't want to waste time cause you got lost. Thanks." 

"Best case scenario, we can do the spell in an two hours, that means leaving Angel in Hell for 5 days total," Xander said. "That's not that long is it?" 

"Not compared to leaving him there for years like last time, but it's Hell, I'm thinking any time spent there is of the bad," Cordelia replied. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Four and three quarters hours after the initial failure to retrieve Angel, a slightly larger group gathered on the Hellmouth for the second attempt. 

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	13. Meeting Present

**Meeting the Present**

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

Angel climbed down into the depths of the Hellmouth. The walls of the breech were jagged, providing numerous hand and foot holds for an easy decent. After around fifteen minutes of climbing, Angel felt a tingling sensation and then he found himself standing on a plain of volcanic rock, the land was barren, a mix of sharp edged obsidian and pumice studded with granite boulders. The sky was a hazy red and the air stank of sulfur. 

A wave of betrayal, despair and shock inexplicably flooded Angel's mind, but he could see the medallion he'd been sent to destroy not twenty meters away, glowing brilliantly in the gloom. Angel shook off the reasonless, debilitating emotions and studied his surroundings more carefully. 

Yasar's Medallion sat on a crudely hew alter of black basalt, guarded by one bored looking corsie demon. Angel moved behind one of the innumerable boulders that littered the plain, wincing at the sounds of rocks shifting and grinding against one another with each step. The corsie didn't react; apparently the idea that it might be necessary for it to actually guard against intruders within the Hellmouth itself hadn't occurred to the dim-witted creature. 

Angel considered waiting here until the time of his retrieval was closer, but discarded it. At any moment the demon guarding the medallion could be reinforced or replaced with something more competent. 

The vampire crept closer to his target. Moving silently over the red and black rocks was impossible, but he did his best, trying to keep boulders between himself and the corsie to prevent an inadvertent glance from betraying his presence. 

Three meters from the medallion Angel gave up all attempts at secrecy and charged. He tackled the inattentive guard, slamming him back onto the inhospitable ground. The demon howled as sharp edged stones cut into his skin. Angel pounded the demon's head repeatedly against the ground until it lay dead beneath him. Then the vampire stood, limping slightly from where his own legs had been cut from their contact with the ground. 

Angel lifted the medallion from the altar and flung it to the ground. He picked up the shattered pieces and threw them as far as he could in various directions to be lost among the rocks and crevices of the plain. The last section he slipped into his coat pocket, hoping the entities of this dimension would waste valuable time trying to reassemble the medallion rather than hunting him. 

That done he started off across the plain, wanting to be far from here when his actions were discovered. 

A long while later Angel stopped. Leaning against a boulder he rested for a moment. Critically he examined the soles of his shoes, they were ripped and torn from crossing the harsh terrain. He'd be barefoot in short order. Angel shuttered at the thought of what this place would do to his unprotected flesh if he were forced to continue this game for too long. He'd slipped and fallen a few times already and every time this place had drawn blood. 

In the distance Angel heard a furious howling and somehow he knew it meant that he had been discovered. Behind him Angel heard Buffy call him. Relieved at the timely end to this mission Angel turned and jogged toward the portal that had been opened for him. Through it he could see his friends and the demolished library. 

"Angel, hurry!" Willow yelled in a strained voice. Alarmed Angel ran for the haven of Sunnydale only to have the portal close and disappear before his eyes. 

For a moment all Angel could do was stare at the spot where his safe escape had been, then he laughed without humor, he had know this trip to Hell was going to be a costly mission. 

The howl of the hunters was closer now. They had his scent. "No choice but to run," Angel thought, even though he knew that this was futile. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Angel scrambled across the blasted landscape. His memories of the last few months in Sunnydale, memories of his soulless demon tormenting Buffy and those she cared for, prompted him to simply wait for the hunters. To accept whatever punishment they choose to visit upon him. Angel felt anything that might be done to him, even here, would be deserved after what he'd done to the girl he loved. But the Vision forced him onward. Angel had seen Buffy, alone and miserable, and he had to go to her. 

Escape from his tormentors had been ridiculously easy. Since arriving here Angel had passively allowed any torture his captures had devised, they couldn't come close to matching the suffering he felt from the knowledge of what he'd done. His guards had quickly become lax and once the Vision had driven Angel to attempt escape it had been simple to accomplish. 

Now Angel was coming to realize his freedom was an illusion. There was no way out of this place and the land itself hated him and ripped at his body as he struggled across it. 

Behind him, as always, he could hear the hunters. They were always there, reminding Angel of his mother's stories of the Wild Hunt. There was no refuge; no rest and the hunters were always there. If Angel stopped the leaders would be on him in minutes, then he would have to fight. If he kept running the terrain would slowly cut him to ribbons. His clothes already hung in tatters around him and his bare skin was streaked with his blood. His feet and hands looked like raw meat, even vampiric healing couldn't keep up with the damage inflicted upon them. 

It was getting harder to think rationally, the desperation of being hunted stole all thoughts but escape. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Angel shivered at the feeling of de'vu; he already knew what it was like to be hunted here. "Maybe your memory's finally coming back," he thought bitterly. 

As he fled the hunters, Angel knew deep down that it only amused them. They could catch him at any time but enjoyed the hunt. They would allow it to go on so long as he could move. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Angel forced himself forward, moving on all fours like an animal. Terror and pain filled his mind to the exclusion of all else. The Vision was gone now, he only moved forward because he'd done so for so long. The demons crowded around him, clawing at his exposed skin if he paused for even a moment. Their gleeful laughter filled the air as they basked in his suffering. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"This time is different," Angel reminded himself, as the pain from his torn feet and hands ate at his determination. "They didn't abandon me here. Something went wrong; they'll fix it and try again. I've just got to last three days. I'm not alone here." 

Suddenly Angel froze; he hadn't been alone here before. How could he have forgotten that?" 

______________________________________________________________ 

The cruel cackling and endless pain faded into a fog of numbness. Angel lay collapsed on the ground; nothing could induce him to move again. 

The demons circled around their fallen prey like hyenas, the hunt had only wetted their appetite for suffering despite the fact it had lasted for years. Now they prepared for the main course. Their eyes gleamed with eagerness and bloodlust as they stared at the souled vampire. 

Then a warm blue light pored across the landscape. The demons flinched back in pain from the purity of the light. 

"Gabh romhad ," the being at the center of the light said, flicking his fingers at the amassed demons. Grudgingly they fell back. 

The tall, fair being with long silver hair and startling green eyes knelt beside the souled vampire, stroking his cheek gently. Uncomprehending brown eyes slowly focused on the being. It had been so long, Angel had forgotten that touch could mean something besides pain. 

"Ta shiu cheet, leanabh, " the other said. "Tar. " 

The pain from Angel's injuries faded under the sidhe's gentle touch. Shaking with terror, Angel stood and followed the other, suddenly he found himself immersed in darkness. 

The gentle voiced being spoke again, but Angel's mind, stripped of all but his survival instincts, understood only a few words. "Ta'iu cuir cosan. Deidhinn coid ta'iu bhur sooilley che bhi lak. Oayllagh bhi kiarit. " 

Then Angel knew he was alone. A distant light appeared in the darkness and he moved toward it. Stumbling through a profound nothingness. It became a beach and Buffy was waiting for him, standing in the sun. She returned his mind to his; brought back the humanity Hell had stolen from him with her memories. 

Angel walked up behind her and embraced her, Buffy, his light, his warmth. 

"How did you find me here?" Buffy asked. 

"If I was blind, I would see you," Angel replied, thinking of how she filled the emptiness, without her there was nothing. 

"Stay with me," Buffy requested. 

"Forever. That's the whole point. I'll never leave," Angel replied. Then he felt other words filling his mind and voice. He felt emotions that hadn't been there a second ago, that weren't quite his. "Not even if you kill me." 

Buffy's expression became dismayed and she vanished, leaving Angel in the blackness once more. "I didn't mean it!" Angel called into the emptiness, trying to hold on to the pieces of his mind Buffy had brought with her, but feeling them slip away like a dream. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Angel had never, well at least until a week ago, had never blamed Buffy for not rescuing him. He knew opening portals to the demon dimension was a risky undertaking, Angel had always believed Buffy had been correct in thinking he wasn't worth that risk. He'd just been grateful that she had been willing to accept him back into her life when he returned. 

Only Buffy hadn't abandoned him, Angel realized with a burst of joy that countered his growing exhaustion. She had been the one sent to guide him home. 

______________________________________________________________ 

In the darkness everything ceased. Without any reference points time and distance meant nothing. Then the light was back. Angel moved toward it eagerly. 

He found himself in Sunnydale High's sunlit courtyard. Buffy was there, but he wasn't the one she was waiting for. 

Angel followed her as she continued searching. "I thought they'd be here," she said. 

Somehow Angel knew what she meant, what she needed to here. "They are, they're waiting for you," he said. 

"Am I dreaming?" she asked him. 

Angel thought of the nothingness waiting for him outside of this, if this were a dream it was his whole world. For him nothing else existed but her. Still if this were a dream, her dream, he hoped she'd keep dreaming it. "I'm probably the wrong person to ask," he said, then realized that she must have a life beyond this. "You'd better go." 

"I'm afraid," Buffy admitted. 

Again Angel felt the darker, uglier emotions infiltrating him. "You should be," he said. 

______________________________________________________________ 

The next light led Angel to the Bronze. He and Buffy danced as they had a hundred times before. 

"I miss you," Buffy said, her hand sliding down his arm to entwine with his, but before she could clasp his hand her claddah ring slipped off, falling to the floor with a clink. 

Angel bent down to retrieve it for her, but as his hand closed around it dark memories and emotions filled him. He remembered her sending him to Hell, he remembered not understanding why she had done it. 

Buffy apparently knew what he'd just thought. "I had to," she said. 

Angel's own memories of knowing why it had to be done, of why he deserved it were buried under a storm of betrayal and anger. He clenched his fist around the ring and blood oozed from between his fingers as the symbol of their love cut him. "I loved you," he said. The long healed wound from Buffy impaling him and sending him to Hell reopened, blood began to soak the front of his shirt. 

Buffy, frightened and worried reached out to him saying, "Oh God! Angel…" 

"GO TO HELL!" Angel yelled. Every wound he'd endured in Hell came back all at once, but somehow they didn't hurt this time, this was just a show for Buffy. "I did," Angel said, even as a small part of him screamed that this wasn't how he really felt. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Angel hadn't understood then, or even remembered before today, but now he knew. Buffy had created everything in those shared dreams, including him. She hadn't seen him as the insane, animalistic creature that had returned from Hell, so in the dreams he hadn't been. However, Buffy expected him to hate her for what she'd been forced to do and those expectations had tainted gift of sanity she'd given him. 

Angel examined the face of the cliff. "It wouldn't be easy to climb, in either direction," he decided. This looked like the best place he'd find to make his stand. 

Hell had no sun, just a diffuse red light. It made judging time impossible. The watch Angel had brought with him had broken on the second day. It had been smashed in a fight with an overly eager to die demon, which had gotten ahead of the pack. In exchange for the watch, Angel had taken the creature's sword and blood. "Demon blood always tasted awful," he thought, but it still gave strength so he'd drunk all he could from the creature. The sword and blood would be useful, but Angel still wished he had the watch. He knew that the group in Sunnydale couldn't attempt to retrieve him for three days, and the more he remembered the more certain he was that they would retrieve him, if he could survive that long. Having the watch gave him a goal, a quantifiable time that had to be endured, then this would end. Without it he couldn't judge how long he'd lasted or how long he had to go. Without it he was lost in uncertainty again. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Angel followed the light, but this time it seemed so distant and whatever the sidhe had done to him had worn off during the previous encounter with Buffy. Angel hurt, deeply, in every muscle and bone of his body, and this time the light didn't engulf him immediately. It beckoned him forward but remained so far away. 

Finally the light resolved itself into a shining silver ring, her ring, cutting through the darkness like the beacon of a lighthouse, guiding him to safety. 

Then Angel was falling, and the world was all around him. Cars roaring in the distance, light assaulting his eyes, rough stone beneath him, cool currents of air running over his naked body. But no Buffy, no one to remake him so the world made sense again, no one to fill the emptiness in his mind, just the world, harsh and real and uncaring. 

Shaking Angel reached out and picked up the ring that had led him here. Clutching it tightly he curled up on the floor and let the world wash over him. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Angel remembered those first few days back. Hell had left him little more than an animal and the lengthy journey through silent darkness had heightened his senses as they sought out any stimulation. Buffy's appearances hadn't prepared him for the real world; in them her picture of him had protected Angel from the full extent of the damage he had suffered. 

In the end Angel had forgotten everything about Hell except having been there, it was the easiest way for his mind to heal itself and free his attention to deal with the coming trial of facing what he'd done since the curse broke. Now those memories were returned, along with all the rest. 

Angel watched the demons converging on his position. It was only a matter of time until he was overwhelmed, just as it was only a matter of time till the portal opened. He had no idea which would happen first. 

Just outside the alcove Angel had chosen to make his stand in, the demons paused milling about uncertainly. Grinning recklessly Angel raised his new sword and changed showing his own demon. "I won't go down without a fight this time," he threatened. 

Then it began. For Angel the world narrowed to blocking the next blow, killing the next opponent in a never-ending line of demons to be slaughtered. He kept his back pressed to the wall and fought. It could have been seconds, it could have been days, time stretched and compressed until it was meaningless. The time between seeing a blow begin and feeling it connect took an eternity. The pile of corpses at his feet appeared in an instant. 

Then there was a shift. The hordes' attention was split. Angel looked out over the crowd of monstrosities to see a small blond hacking her way through the mob. Reinvigorated Angel charged out to meet her. When they met Buffy spared him a quick grin as her ax thunked into yet another opponent's skull. Together they forced their way back toward the portal. 

Gunn, Xander, Wesley and Spike stood just outside of the small portal, killing anything that dared to cross over. The portal, no bigger than a doorway, allowed only a few demons to cross at any time, not enough to overwhelm the defenders. Cordelia stood back from the battle with her trusty crossbow, watching for any creature lucky enough to breech their first line of defense. Willow, Tara, Anya and Giles focused on holding the portal open, trusting the others to deal with the undesirable elements. 

In Hell, Buffy and Angel joined the crush of creatures struggling to get to the portal. Now they received no more attention than any of the others. The demons had forgotten everything but the tantalizing chance to escape this dimension. They tore each other apart in their frantic scramble to reach the portal. Acting as one Buffy and Angel hacked their way to the front of the line, together they backed into the library, still fighting off the demons seeking entrance into the world. 

"We're safe!" Buffy yelled, letting the spell casters know it was time to close the door. 

Buffy turned just in time to see Spike raising a stake over Angel's unprotected back. "Angel!" she screamed. 

The exhausted, gore covered vampire turned, unprepared for an attack from this angle, when a crossbow bolt smashed through Spike's up-raised arm. 

Howling in pain, the blond vampire dropped the stake, clutching his wounded arm to his chest and glaring at Cordelia with hate filled yellow eyes. 

"Don't even think about it," the former cheerleader said, reloading the crossbow and aiming it at Spike's chest. 

Behind them the portal to Hell closed and the other combatants, as well as the spell casters, turned to see this new drama. 

With an act of extreme will power, Spike brought back his human countenance. "It was an honest mistake, heat of the battle and all that. No need to go staking a chap over it," he said with a shrug. 

"Spike get out!" Buffy ordered. 

"As you wish Pet," Spike replied. "If you need me again, I'll be around. Don't forget about that date you owe me." With that the slender vampire turned and walked out. 

Behind him Angel collapsed to the floor as his adrenaline faded. Uncertainly Buffy staggered to him and dropped to her knees at his side. "This is mostly other people's right?" she asked gesturing to Angel's blood drenched form. 

"You came in after me," Angel said taking her hand. 

"Of course I did," Buffy replied. "You couldn't have made it back on your own." 

"You could have been hurt," Angel protested. "I'm not worth that." 

"He's got his memory back," Xander announced, as the entire group crowded around the pair. 

"Well duh," Cordy said examining Angel carefully. "Okay, the sappy reunion can wait till after first aid." 

"Yes," Giles added. "Both of you need some looking after." 

Wesley and Gunn moved to help Angel to his feet as Giles offered Buffy a supporting arm. "My place is the closest," Buffy said as they headed out. 

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	14. Looking to the Future

**Looking to the Future**

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

"Hi Angel, can we talk?" Xander asked, standing outside the door to Dawn's room. 

Angel looked up from the book he was reading. "I suppose we need to," he said gesturing for Xander to pull up a chair. 

"So how's Dawn taking being ousted from her room?" Xander asked. 

"Badly, but not as badly as Joyce is taking having me as a guest in her home. Fortunately I should be up and walking in another day or so," Angel replied. 

"You sure about that?" Xander asked gesturing to the numerous bandages Angel sported. 

"Vampiric healing, remember," Angel said. "Now can we talk about what you really are here to talk about?" 

"Sure," Xander said. "So are you mad at me about Chicago still? I mean I totally understand and I won't hold you to what you said before going into the Hellmouth. I should have told you about the curse, I'm really sorry. Plus I'm sorry about the way I always treated you before." 

"I'm glad you didn't tell me about the curse back then," Angel said quietly. "There would have too much temptation to try to break it." 

"So why'd you walk out that night if you weren't mad about the curse?" Xander asked. 

"Do you know when I first recognized you?" Angel asked. 

"I'd guess the first time Buffy said my name, Xander isn't exactly a common one. Why?" Xander answered. 

"You never told me your name in Chicago," Angel said. "I realized the night the Master rose, while you were in the middle of telling me that all you saw me as was a vampire." 

"Oh," Xander said, not knowing what else to say. 

"But," Angel continued. "What I said at the school still holds, we became friends in Chicago and you've been true to that since then, at least from your time frame. I just needed time to adjust my views of you. For me, our friendship happened more than a life time ago, but the guy who told me off for letting Buffy force me to feed from her was here just last year." 

"So we're okay?" Xander asked. 

"Yeah. By the way, what did you tell them about me back then?" 

"Nothing, that's why I did the "Here's your life" thing for the 1920's by myself," Xander replied. "I thought I'd let you decide what gets told." 

Angel stared at Xander, absolutely stunned. "Thank you," he stammered after a pause. "I'd appreciate it if you just didn't tell them." 

"That's fine," Xander replied. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Hello Angel," Wesley said, taking the chair Xander had vacated a few hours earlier, while Cordelia seated herself on the edge of Dawn's bed. 

After a moment's consideration, she gave Angel a quick hug. "I told you everything would work out," she said. 

"You did," Angel replied with a half-smile, surprised at how glad he was that Cordelia had decided to continue treating him as a sibling despite the full return of his memory. "Good to see you Wesley." 

"Yes, well, there is something we need to tell you," Wesley stated nervously. 

"What's that?" Angel asked. 

"During Buffy's last visit to LA, I learned that there is no clause in your curse. There hasn't been since Willow recast it." 

"How? You didn't say anything," Angel said. 

"We didn't think Liam's behavior needed encouragement," Cordelia said bluntly. 

"Yes," Wesley agreed. "As to how… Giles told me." 

"But how did he find that out?" Angel asked. "Why did they all come running to LA looking for my blood if they knew that the curse couldn't break? Why did I become Angelus when Rebecca drugged me?" 

"As I said then, the curse didn't break due to Rebecca's drugs," Wesley said. "You merely believed it had, that allowed your demon to gain control for a time." 

"Giles always knew," Cordelia said, anger touching her voice. "Ever since he examined Jenny's spell. He just didn't bother to tell you or anyone else. That's why everyone was so worked up. I guess Giles blames you for Jenny still." 

Angel remained silent for several minutes, then he asked, "Could you ask Giles to talk to me? I'd go myself, but Buffy will kill me if I try walking before my feet heal." 

"And I'll help her," Cordelia volunteered. "I so don't like the raw meat look on my family." 

"I'll ask him," Wesley said. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"I suppose you want to know why I didn't tell you," Giles said after he shut the door to Dawn's room behind him. 

"No, I can guess that," Angel replied. "I killed your love, hurt your surrogate daughter, tortured you, I'm hardly surprised that you wanted revenge. You could have written the clause back into the curse, Willow probably wouldn't have noticed the difference, but you're a lot brighter than the Kalderash elders. By letting me think that the clause still stood you got me to build and maintain my own torture chamber, without the risk of Angelus returning. My compliments Ripper, I doubt I could have thought up a more suitable revenge at my worst." 

"So what did you want to see me about?" Giles asked coldly. 

"How sure are you that the curse can't be broken?" Angel asked. 

"You're asking me?" Giles said disbelievingly. 

"If I think about it, my heightened senses are as effective as any lie detector," Angel replied. "If you lie, I'll know." 

"It won't break," Giles said, turning to leave. 

______________________________________________________________ 

"Well guess what?" Buffy said, walking into Dawn's room. "Riley left me. He just called from Iowa to tell me that he was breaking up with me. He says he needs time to figure out who he is again. Apparently dating me screwed him up, major big time. So I just wanted to ask you, what's wrong with me that every guy I fall for leaves me? I figure you'd be an expert." 

"Buffy, nothing is wrong with you!" Angel exclaimed. "I love you so much, I just wanted to do what was best for you, no matter how it hurt me." 

"So you left me?" Buffy asked sarcastically. 

"I didn't want to stand in the way of you having a normal life," Angel said. 

"You should have asked me what I wanted if you really cared so much," Buffy said. "Or just remembered what I've told you: 'You're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense to,' don't you remember that? 'When I look in the future all I see is you, all I want is you' didn't you believe me when I said that?" 

"That was before the curse broke," Angel replied. "After I came back you told me that you needed someone you could count on, someone stable who could make you happy. Not me. How could I be that for you with the curse and its clause between us? Only things are different now, Wesley found a way to make my soul permanent. I guess the scare I gave everyone a few weeks ago motivated him. If you want to try again, I would consider it an honor to date you." 

"I… wow… I don't know," Buffy said, nervously fiddling with the chain around her neck. "Oh, you probably want these back," she said, realizing she was still wearing the necklace with the claddah rings Angel had left with her. 

Angel took the chain from Buffy and opened it to remove the rings. He slid his back on his left hand, the heart pointed inward. "The other's still yours, if you want it," Angel said. 

"I read about these," Buffy said, accepting her ring and putting it on her right hand with the heart turned in. "This means I'm considering giving someone my heart, right?" she asked. 

"It does," Angel said. 

"If I decide no, I'll return the ring," Buffy said. "I gather they're pretty important to you. Maybe sometime you'll tell me why." 

"I'd like that," Angel replied. "You know, no matter what you decide, I'll be there for you, whether you need a back-up in a fight or just someone to talk to, you can call on me, always." 

"Thanks," Buffy said. As she left, she bumped into Giles, who was standing just outside the door. "Hi Giles, were you going to talk to Angel?" she asked. 

"Yes, if you're finished," Giles said. 

When Giles walked in Angel looked up at him calmly and waited. 

"You didn't tell her," Giles said after shutting the door to see that their conversation would remain private. 

"And I won't," Angel replied. 

"Why not?" Giles asked. 

"This cancer could cost Buffy her mother, she doesn't need to loose you too," Angel said. "You're the one she looks to as a father. Unlike her biological father, you're here to help her through this. I'm going to be here for Buffy too. She's going to need all the support she can get if the worst happens. I think we both love her enough to do the right thing." 

"I agree, but if you hurt her again, I will kill you," Giles said. 

"I won't hurt her," Angel promised firmly. 

THE END 

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End file.
